


Rise

by Punkneeter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Dueling, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Good Severus Snape, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Marauders' Era, Maybe - Freeform, Maybe James/severus relationship, Puzzles, Triwizard Tournament, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-03-31 18:19:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 88,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13980750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punkneeter/pseuds/Punkneeter
Summary: Severus watched as the fire turned to red and purple, spitting sparks as a parchment escaped the flames. All eyes were glued to the parchment as it fell into Dumbledore’s grasp. Severus could not help himself as he held his breath like the rest of his peers. Carefully, Dumbledore unfolded the parchment and stared hard and long at the words written on the parchment.“Severus Snape,” yelled Dumbledore.All eyes snapped to Severus who sat frozen on the bench. Whispers and cries of disbelief rang out, but Severus couldn’t hear them. He couldn’t hear anything. Silence engulfed him as his eyes locked with Dumbledore. His eyes had lost their twinkle and were instead hard and empty.Severus Snape was tired of his fate, to be a lowly snake. Luckily, fate was kind to him this time and the arrival of a tournament had come. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, a moment of weakness and strength that led Severus to put his name in the Goblet of Fire. But he was chosen now, and he had no choice but to play in the game, maybe he will live or die, but either way he wasn't going to become what everyone said he would be.STORY UNDER RECONSTRUCTION UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE





	1. Summer Troubles ★

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is my first fanfic. This story is inspired by Katy Perry's song "Rise" (hence the title). Basically, when I heard this song, I thought about this au. I have the beginning of the story line worked out, but I'm not entirely sure where I want to go with this. The characters might seem a little bit OC, but bare with me. I'm not sure on the relationship of James and Severus. They might end up as friends or lovers, not sure. But there will definitely be a change in their relationship. I'll try to update weekly, I'm most likely giving two chapters in a few days since I won't be able to post anything during spring break. Hopefully, this doesn't totally suck. I take constructive criticism (also grammar wise). If the layout looks weird, it is because I never really done this before on this website so I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm still figuring it out. Well, yeah. Enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an updated version of the first chapter. I would like to thank my new beta derpypasta8811 for helping me make this chapter a whole lot better than what it originally was.

★

In the English Midlands, there lies a large town by the name of Cokeworth. In the far right of the main town, there was an old mill with a chimney. It was abandon years ago and no one alive can remember what it was used for or when it was built.

On the other side of the large town, there was a dirty river and a river bank that was strewn with litter and weeds. It was also where a young boy, no older than sixteen, sat alone beneath an old willow tree.

This boy was no ordinary boy. He was very unusual in many ways, but the most unusual of ways was that this boy was a wizard.

And he went by the name of Severus Snape.

Anyone who bothered to notice Severus would find him completely unremarkable, and, if anything, most would find him to be ghastly and upsetting. Yet that never deterred the boy as he laid in the shade by the banks.

Sometimes, people would pass by and they would either not notice him or ignore his presence entirely. It suited Severus just fine and he kept to himself, almost hidden away near the curve of the hill and the long leaves from the outermost branches of the willow tree.

Like everyone else, Severus did his best to ignore the summer heat, but he found it to be rather difficult.

It was the end of August and September was fast approaching, yet summer clung to Cokesworth and the normally cloudy and foggy town was replaced with a scorching sun and dry air.

It was one of the worst summers in the town's history and the heat was truly unbearable.

Most of the town's residents rarely had to worry about dangerous heat waves, especially when Fall was so close, but there was no more to do than to hide away in their homes and bask in front of their cooling fans.   
Severus's family could neither afford the luxury of cooling fans nor did they have the money to visit a place with cold weather. It didn't help that the constant buzz of the cicadas ranged throughout the day, and it was getting on Severus's nerves.

Severus licked his lips. They were chapped again and he was thirsty. Normally, he wouldn't be found outside. He preferred the comfort of his room, especially on a hot day like this.

However, his father was home, on the rare occasion when he wasn't out "working" or drinking away what little money they had, and he didn’t want to be near the man if he could help it.

Most of the time, Severus would hide away in his room until his father had either left sometime in the morning or was passed out drunk on the couch. But the moment Severus heard his father's booming voice screaming out slurs and the unmistakable sound of glass shattering against the wall, he fled to the small lake to get away. He would rather take his chances anywhere else.

Severus cursed himself as he realized that he'd left so quickly that he had forgotten to grab his bag of books, let alone something to keep him fed and hydrated for the day. Not that there was any food for him to bring anyway.

When he first arrived, Severus hadn't known what to do. He just stared at the lake that remained unnaturally still.

At some point, Severus wondered if it was a good enough idea to jump in, but he wasn't a very good swimmer, plus the water was dirty and probably too warm. 

In the end, Severus decided to lay down on the dry grass and wait.  
There was nothing for him to do and he refused to return home. After a couple of minutes -or hours really, he wasn't quite sure- he tried to take a nap, but it was just too hot and the cries of laughter from children nearby kept him up. Severus just sighed.

Tomorrow, he was leaving for Hogwarts for the last time. He should feel excited that he will be returning to the castle, but that excitement had died a long time ago. What was the point? There was nothing there for him anyway.

As Severus moved slightly to ease the tension on his back, he found himself daydreaming of just about anything to forget about how hot and stiff he was. There wasn't really anything for him to do here nor was there anywhere else for him to go, so he was left alone with his thoughts.

In the past, on the rare occasions that his dad was home, he would just go to Lily’s-

For a split second, Severus's mind froze. Then, almost suddenly, Severus's eyes snapped open and he slowly sat up.

Across the street, on the other side of the fountain, there was one brown house that stood out from all the others. Even though each house was made of the same boring bricks and set in the exact same structure as all the others, this one house was one of the few that looked even remotely nice compared to all the other houses in the neighborhood.   
There were even fresh flowers at the windows and was one of the few yards that had green grass, and the white picket fence truly completed the look. It was a very welcoming change compared to the never-ending line of brick homes that were just as miserable looking as the people who lived in them. But not this one.  

The house was even better on the inside. It was always warm during the winters and cool during the summers. It always smelled of fresh cookies and always felt more like a home than anything else. Severus loved to be there; it was the only place that he had a true moment of solace and could experience what a nice happy home and family felt like, but he hasn't been there in years nor had he spoke to Lily all summer. Neither one of them had sent a single letter to the other, nor had either one gone to visit the other. 

Lily made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him after what he said. No matter how much he pleaded or said he was sorry, she could not forgive him and had repeatedly turned him away.

Severus wished that he could reconnect with his ex-friend once again. He wished he could spend time with her, to be in the comfort of her terrible jokes, discuss the wonders of magic, and gossip about Tuney. Pain and sadness had washed over him, but it often changed into something ugly. Something dark.

Severus felt a familiar bitterness swell within him, but it deflated as he closed his eyes and breathed out shaky breaths. 

Stress and anger escaped with every breath he took. Only uneasiness remained heavy in  his chest. It was his last year at Hogwarts and his mind was constantly plagued by the conflicting thoughts and emotions that rattled around in his head. He couldn't think most days, nor could he sleep most nights. He had spent so much of his sixth year at Hogwarts fighting with Lily and the Marauders that he’d forgotten that he was meant to take the Dark Mark at the end of his seventh year. Severus laughed bitterly at himself. Talk about a graduation gift.

It was getting dark now, the sun was finally setting and the temperature was slowly dropping. Severus had yet to move from his spot despite the fact he was still thirsty and hungry. But he would not move. Thoughts still flooded his mind.  


Lily was his only friend. Was. And as much as it pained Severus that she was no longer in his life , he could not be mad at her. They might have been best friends, but they have been drifting apart for a long time now. It was not very apparent at first, but now that Severus had time to think about it, it was as clear now.

They did try to make it work, but in the end they were far too different. Their ideas and understanding of the world clashed too much. It was often the source of their arguments that left both of them drained and angry. Lily did not understand, and never would, no matter how many times he tried to explain it to her. There was no hope for him, neither the muggle nor the wizarding world could help him.

Severus could remember the pride that filled him when he was sorted into Slytherin, sharing the same house as his mother. The glow of freedom and thought of acceptance had filled him with such joy. And how could it not? He was at the greatest place in the world with his best friend. He was finally able to practice magic and make the potions he's been studying from his mother's old book for years. Plus, he was finally away from his father. It hurt him that he had to leave his mother, he felt guilty that she could not come with him and was instead left alone with that monster, but there was nothing he could do. But despite his mother's situation and the house prejudice getting in between him and Lily, he refused to let it affect his time at Hogwarts. At least, that was what was supposed to happen.  
  
Unknown to Severus,  a war was coming and Slytherin was no longer seen as just another house at Hogwarts. No, it was now the house that bred Death Eaters, a house full of snakes who played with dark magic and hated anything that concerned muggles. It was a lesson that Severus had learned quite early and just as harshly. 

It was a terrible place, Severus thought. The prejudices of purebloods made it hard to live there. His half-blood status was one of the few things that prevented him from being completely cursed by his housemates, but to them he was still tainted with muggle inferiority. He was nothing there, despised just like any muggle off the street. But he was also useful, which Severus both hated and thanked immensely.  
Severus was smart, far more intelligent than anybody thought he would be. Plus, he was good at potions as well. He was too valuable to simply throw away, and they needed him just as much as they despised him. 

Severus never asked why they needed spells or potions, he had a pretty good idea on what they were used for. Even knowing that didn’t stop him from making them, it was his only option to survive in that house. Malfoy made it very clear of what they would do to him if he ever became useless. He knew that the second he stepped out of line he would be treated the same way they treated the few Muggleborns that, unfortunately, had the right amount of cunning and pride to be placed into Slytherin. They were not as lucky as he was. 

They were beaten and tortured, but they never said a word in fear that they could end up dead. They couldn't afford to fight back, and neither could he. It made Severus sick with guilt and anger, but he could not risk his position, otherwise, he would end up like them too. It was all about survival, self-preservation.

No matter how much Severus wanted to refuse them, to fight against them, there was nowhere for him to go. All of the houses stayed away as soon as they saw the green colored robes. They were too scared to be near him since he was seen as Malfoy’s ‘favorite.’ An act against Malfoy was deadly and nobody would risk their lives for someone like him. Except for Lily.

Lily was the only one who stayed, but as strong as Lily was, she could not fight against all of them at all times. Not that he would let her, ever. This was his battle, and he made sure that she never knew the full extent of what it was like to be a Slytherin. Maybe he should have, Then maybe she would have understood just a little bit better, but the only thing that would do is put her at risk.

If anything, learning the truth would just inspire her to start a war with Malfoy. And while Lily was brilliant, she did not know the customs  of pureblood families. She would never survive a feud with them. She just didn't have the social or political standing that they did. She could lose her wand or die. But knowing Lily, she would do it anyways.

‘Such a Gryffindor thing to do’, thought Severus. But it didn't matter, not anymore. Lily was gone. No thanks to James Potter.  
Severus couldn't stop the sneer that fell on his lips. James Potter was the perfect man: rich, good-looking, powerful, and never had care or worry in his life. He was everything that Severus was not and he hated him for it. But nowadays that hate, while not completely gone, was nothing more than a bubbling bitterness that would come and go.

Oh, how he loved to blame Potter for everything. He still does, but Severus knew that losing Lily was his fault. However, Severus was too tired to care anymore. Potter had won and he was left with nothing. He resigned himself to becoming the very man that Potter always said he would be: nothing more than a slimy, dirty, greasy snake. 

Severus closed his eyes; Anger, pain, and regret building up like a fire in his chest. By the time he had calmed himself down enough, he found himself drifting off to sleep. He just hoped he wouldn't find himself waking up. He didn't want to wake up anymore.

* * *

  
When Severus finally opened his eyes, it was dark. Midnight had long since passed  by the time Severus rose and began his walk back to the house. Slowly, but surely, Severus found himself in front of a dirty, broken-down building. He slowly made his way inside. 

At a quick glance, he saw Tobias passed out on the couch, a bottle of beer slowly slipping from his grasp, though Severus did nothing to stop it. He knew he would pay for that later, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

He was still hungry and thirsty, but he walked passed the kitchen and made his way to his room without even a glance. There wouldn't be anything in the kitchen anyway. They haven't bought anything since the month before and the last of the food was a box of stale cereal that he had eaten last night with his mother. He hasn't seen her since then. She was probably hiding in her room again, nursing a new bruise that Tobias had given her.

Severus worried about her a lot. He always made sure to make a few extra potions at the end of each year to bring home for his mom. Whenever it got terribly bad, he would treat her and offer the comforts that only potions could give. But he could not help her with whatever she had now. 

She was sick again. Her skin was dull, sickly pale, and she looked so frail and that Severus feared a single gust of wind would break her.   
Most days, she looked more like a hollow shell than a living person.   
It didn't help that the illness had a penchant for coming and going at random times, crippling his mother swiftly and vanishing just before it could kill her. He had scoured through every medical book that he could find in the library, but he found nothing. He hoped that going to a hospital might help his mother get better, but he knew that there was no way they could afford it. With his father drinking away all their money, his family could only scrape together enough to afford bare necessities like food and water, though it was hardly ever enough.  
The constant lack of food was probably making his mother's illness worse, Not that she ate much even when they did have food. She did everything she could to have enough money for Hogwarts, refusing to eat unless it was absolutely necessary so that what they had would last longer, working three jobs at a time and taking as many shifts as she could in the hopes that she could earn more than Tobias drank away. Severus knew that all of this was for him so that she could provide for him and send him to school. All of her sacrifices had taken a toll on her health, and sometimes it felt like she was driving herself to the grave just so that he had a chance at a better life.

Severus did try to help. He sold potions to students during the school year and was able to make quite a bit of cash, but she refused any help that he gave. She would go so far as to return the money that he had snuck into her purse and the small tin she hid in the bottom of her dresser. When asked why she would always say the same thing:  
"This is the least I could do since I have failed you terribly before."  
Her eyes were sullen and her skin was ghostly pale. It was around the time her sickness started. 

Guilt washed over Severus as he watched his mother smile softly at him. Yet, Severus never fought against it. Some part of him agreed with her. He sometimes wanted to blame her, but he couldn't. She might not have been the best parent there was, never leaving despite their chances at a better life, but she tried. Maybe not as much as he would like, but he has mostly accepted that this would be his life for a long time.

As Severus opened his bedroom door, he gazed blankly at everything that was in it. The room was hardly a room at all, more of a closet really. It was old and dusty with more holes on the floor than the ceiling. His bed was nothing more than a few old rags with a cushion that provided more pain than comfort. However, it was a lot better than the floor, which was often covered in dirt and bugs that crawled around the house.

When Severus sat on his bed, a loud squeak ranged out from the springs and he sunk into the cushion so deeply that he feared that the bed would finally collapse. But it didn't. It was old and brittle, but it did not break.

He gazed at the window, the grime and broken glass giving a distorted view of the outside world. The train would be leaving in five hours and he should probably get as much sleep as he could. 

Breathing out, Severus grimaced at the thought. He hadn't been able to sleep for the past two weeks, though be supposed it didn't really matter in the end. His mother would be coming in a few hours anyway to ‘wake him up’ so that they could get him ready and sneak out of the house.   
They always left early so Tobias wouldn't see them, he always got nasty when he realized why they were leaving. He almost missed his train last year because they weren't quick enough to escape, and Lily nearly screamed when she saw the cuts and bruises that were scattered all over his body. No, he didn't want a repeat of last year.

 

* * *

 

  
The next few hours found Severus and his mother on the bus making as they made their way to the train station. 

It was raining today, finally, and it would seem that it was the end of a painfully hot summer. If anything, it seemed that winter was coming early as the temperature nearly dropped below freezing. 

Sudden changes in weather were never a good sign. It often meant that something terrible would happen soon. It was usually seen as a warning and was often critically observed by some wizards and witches (even though Severus never really believed in prophecies, legends, or Divination).

It was an idea that he played with briefly before he continued to gaze out at the window and mindlessly observe the cars and people passing by.  

They would be there soon. They were lucky as they managed to get away from Tobias this morning.  

Though, as they were making their way out of the house, Severus noticed that the bottle Tobias had been holding last night was still there, barely a hair’s breadth from falling.  

Almost on cue, Severus watched horrified as the bottle slipped from his hand and fell to the floor with a loud crash. 

On instinct, Severus and his mother rushed out of the house as soon as they saw Tobias jolt awake.  Unfortunately, they did not expect him to be so quick on his feet. 

Severus nursed his bruised stomach, thankful that his school robes would hide most of the damage. At a quick glance, Severus noticed that his mother's eye was a bit swollen and there was a small cut below her cheek. 

They were lucky this time, Severus reminded himself. 

He scowled as he looked around and saw the other passengers giving them pitiful looks. They would be getting off at the next stop anyway.   
Suddenly, the bus skirted to an unexpected halt, causing Severus's mother to fall forward and accidentally crash into the man in front of her. She apologized and stood back to stop the rest of Severus's luggage from falling forward. 

Severus reached out to help her when he noticed that his mother's sleeve was pulled slightly back. Her arm was a deadly black. But before he could comment on it, his mother rushed him out the door and led him to the platform. Severus had nearly forgotten all about it in the commotion of the station and he didn't remember it until after he’d already boarded the train. 

Severus arrived early and was able to grab a compartment at the end of the train. The train was mostly empty anyway as it was not meant to leave for another hour and a half. There were the few early birds who had already arrived and a steady income of more passengers as time went on, but none of them disturbed him.

As soon as Severus had entered the compartment, he spelled the door locked with as many of the strongest charms he could remember. He carefully placed his things away and sat next to the window, gazing out at the families saying goodbye to their children, many of whom were trying to squirm out of the grasp of their doting parents.

After getting situated in the compartment, he couldn't help but think about his mother's goodbye. Normally, she hardly ever says anything to him when she drops him off. She often does it as quickly as possible to make it back to the house, and never gets a chance to say the lengthy speeches the other parents usually give to their children. 

That was fine by him, it never really bothered him before. But, surprisingly, she hugged Severus. Her hug was desperate and Severus could have sworn that he heard her cry, feeling a few tears dampen his clothes. The smell of cheap perfume filled his senses, but she was gone almost immediately afterward, leaving him dumbstruck in the middle of the train station. 

For some reason, he felt that the hug let on a lot more than his mother could ever say. It was as if she knew something that he didn't. He couldn't shake this unknown feeling that something was going to happen; something bad no doubt. Severus thought carefully of all the possibilities, but he was shaken out of his thoughts when the train had made a sudden jerk.

He was so distracted that hadn't even realized that the train had already left the station. After a few moments of gazing out the window and shaking off his stupor, Severus opened his notebook and looked at his notes for potion ingredients, recipes, and spells.

Nothing unusual had occurred and nobody had bothered him during the train ride there, though that doesn't mean that nobody tried.  
He could almost sense it when danger lurked. Especially if that so-called danger was an annoying pureblood with storm black hair and always had to make his presence known.

Severus could hear Black from a mile away. His booming voice taunting him, trying to lure him out. He did, eventually, find Severus’s compartment. He banged on the door loudly and tried to open it rather aggressively.

Black was a lot smarter than he let on and had recognized that the door was spelled shut. 

He had tried the basic counterspell, Alohomora, but it didn't work. Severus heard him curse slightly. 

Severus couldn't tell whether or not it was because Sirius realized that he couldn't perform the spell correctly or that the spell wasn't strong enough to unspell the charms Severus placed.  

In the end, Black tried screaming again, calling him a coward and other stupid things that Severus didn't really pay attention to. Eventually, Black left and did not come back, thankfully.

When the train had arrived at the station, Severus had gathered his things and made his way to the carriages. Severus watched as the first years were led away by the prefects, who were beckoning them off the platform and towards the lake. 

There were a lot of them this year, Severus noticed. They were all small and filled with a nervous apprehension that he knew all too well. Many of them were sticking close to friends that were recently made and he knew that it would inspire lifelong friendships as the train and school usually did.

They would no doubt be amazed at the sight of the castle under the full moon and an endless sky of stars. It reminded him of when he and Lily had first arrived at Hogwarts.

Snapping out his thoughts, Snape arrived at the carriages and took one with a mixture of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Many of them had given him surprised looks but ignored him immediately when they realized he wasn't going to do anything. 

Though they still kept a close eye on him, he was still a Slytherin and Severus had his reputation. He tried not to let it bother him. Severus kept to himself just fine and waited silently until they arrived at Hogwarts.

The ride was long and boring, but Severus was happy that they had finally arrived. 

Many of the students had already gotten out of their carriages and the whole lot of them were laughing and joking around as they made their way to the castle. 

Severus moved quickly to lose himself in the crowd to hide away from Black and his friends, along with some people that Severus didn't want to meet up with just yet. 

They walked past the bridge towards the Great Doors that guarded the castle. 

Once inside, everyone seemed to fall at ease and not even Severus could resist the feeling of peace (that only the castle seemed to provide) that washed over him. It was a second home to a lot of them, and sometimes, the first home to others. There was always a certain calmness that came with the castle and it was a time like these, returning to this tranquility, that reminded Severus why he still loved this castle and all the magic that came with it. 

As soon as they had all made their way to the Great Hall, McGonagall stood tall and proud in her traditional green robes and her eyes were hard as stones which demanded order and respect. She was there to greet the returning students but to also wait to welcome and introduce all new students arriving for their first year at Hogwarts. 

Severus slightly bowed his head when passing and she offered a small smile. Despite McGonagall being the House Head of Gryffindor, she did appreciate Severus for his wit and skill in Transfiguration. She was also one of the few teachers that treated Severus like any other student. And despite her love for her house and her lions, she always made sure that the Marauders were punished appropriately for their pranks and bullying. 

Of course, Severus never left unscathed, since he still engaged in the fights and even started some of them, but she was always fair nonetheless. She didn't think it was courageous or brave to fight four against one either. And he supposed that was where most of her respect for him came from. 

And while the Marauders will always be troublemakers, she still believed that they would do good in the end. It was the same fool-hearted belief that she had for them that she had for Severus. It was something he admired, but also something he hated despite her good character. 

Passing the doors, Severus allowed himself to marvel at the beauty of the Great Hall. All of the students had already begun sitting down, clinging to friends and talking about their summer holidays. Severus opted to sit at the very end, the seat nearest to the door. But before Severus could settle properly in his seat, a shadow loomed over.

"Well," began Malfoy," I have not seen you all day, Severus. Surely, you would think it better to sit with me than to be all alone on the ride here?" Malfoy leaned closer and whispered in his ear, Severus suddenly found it very hard to breathe. "After all, this is the year when you take the mark."

Before Severus could utter a word, Malfoy had already walked away. Severus felt sick and his ear burned with disgust. Yet, he remained seated. He couldn't cause a scene.

After the ceremony had ended and the food had been brought out, Severus fled. His encounter with Malfoy made him sick and he could not bear to sit near him, let alone eat. 

At first, Severus was just going to take a quick stroll around the castle, but he soon found himself outside and thought it would be best to stay inside the courtyard. 

The fresh air was cold and crisp, the beginning of fall was sure to come earlier than usual here in Scotland. 

He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, but he slowly made his way to the lake and sat down, enjoying the view of the small ripples of waves and the light of the moon and stars. 

By then, he was sure that dinner was long over and everyone must be settling in by now or walking the halls to talk. 

But by the time he was making his way to the dungeons, he cursed himself for his stupidity since he didn’t know the password and he'd be damned if he asked Malfoy for it. Luckily, a bunch of fifth years had just arrived and he quickly slid in after them and made his way to the dormitories.

Finding it bitterly amusing, Severus was able to hear the password for this week.  _ Veni, Vidi, Vici. _

Luckily, as it was his last year at Hogwarts, he and his fellow classmates were all given the option of combined or separate rooms.  The House Heads allowed the seventh year students to pick their roommates or to live alone for their last year at Hogwarts. 

It was no surprise which option Severus picked, and he was happy to find that there was a single bed in his given room. 

As Severus made his way in, he promptly spelled the door locked and put up several shields to protect the room from unwanted intruders. After a quick and thorough search of the room, Severus finally allowed himself to relax. 

Severus walked passed his luggage and removed his clothes piece by piece as he made his way to his private bathroom. 

He filled the tub with hot water and watched it steam before placing a personal herb combination with some bath oils that help protect his hair from the damages of potion making. 

There were a variety of flowers and small leaves that floated across the surface. Severus barely minded as the water overfilled and buckets full of water fell to the floor when he laid inside. 

The bathroom was made out of stone and was cold and empty besides the toilet, the tub, and the sink. There was also a small window that provided moonlight. It was fake of course since the dungeons were under the Lake. 

Watching the moon and stars again, Severus gave it one last look before he submerged himself completely underwater.

  
  



	2. Blue Fire ★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated Version of Chapter 2: I would like to thank my new beta derpypasta8811 again for her help in this chapter. 
> 
> Side note. I know the Harry Potter universe rather well and there are some characters that appear in this work that shouldn't (given that had graduated already), but this IS an alternative universe so there are obviously going to be changed to fit the storyline. I know that Malfoy and Molly have graduated already, but I needed someone to challenge Severus and be a cause of torment from the Death Eaters side. I don't like using OCs since I mainly prefer to use the characters from the books and I am changing some aspects about them and bringing those characters in the story for development of the story and to have doors open if I get stuck on something. So just keep that in mind.

It had been two weeks since he came back to Hogwarts and it felt like nothing had changed since he'd left.  Of course, people were older and new students had come and the older students had left, but at its core, it felt like the same Hogwarts that it has always been.

But it wasn’t, not anymore.

Walking down the halls alone only served to remind him that this year was a lot lonelier than all the previous ones. Nobody talked to him anymore. Yet there was one good thing that came from it, the constant isolation gave Severus a lot of time to think, and that had helped him notice quite a few things.   
  
For some reason, the Marauders had yet to do a single thing to him, besides Black’s ill attempt on the train, of course. It wasn’t like Severus wanted them to do anything, but it didn’t change the fact that they were acting out of sorts, even for them.

It seemed like they were practically ignoring him. Black seemed to be the only one acting sort of normal, always glaring at Severus whenever he got the chance, but he still refrained from his usual taunts and pranks.

There was also the little fact that the Marauders seem to be falling apart, though he never noticed until now. Their little group looked as if they were walking on eggshells with each other, and the spark that they once had seems to have lost its splendor. They had even lost a member of their gang: Peter Pettigrew.

He had always seemed like the odd person out in their group, and Severus never really understood how he fit in with all of them. Pettigrew always seemed to be the one lagging behind, worshipping the ground Potter and Black walked on. He was the very definition of a follower and Severus hated him for never taking control of his own life. And it was honestly rather pitiful, seeing how much he brown-nosed the other marauders, constantly feeding their egos with praise for their popularity and ‘talent’. Yet despite his cowardice and general lack of usefulness, they still accepted him into their little gang. And now he was slowly drifting away from them, and it almost seemed like they didn’t care.

Then there was Lily.

Even now she was still a constant presence is Severus's life, though they still had not said so much as a single word to each other since the accident by the lake.

She was always surrounded by friends or with Potter. Though Severus would watch her from afar, wondering if she missed him as much as he missed her. But he never caught her eye and she always seemed to be so far away even when she sat so close in class. He felt like he had been cursed, seeing her every day yet knowing he would never get to speak to her again.  
  
It was his own fault, but Severus had never expected that he would be so lost without her.  
  
It was still a bit hard to be without Lily, She was the only constant thing he had in his life and it always brought a bit of pain to his heart when he saw her having the time of her life without him. Knowing that she didn’t need him in her life to be happy.  
  
Sometimes he wondered if there was any point in living. There was an agonizing ache that would settle in his chest when he was alone at night when there was no one there to see him cry. He always felt so powerless and defeated when he thought about his life, and he sometimes played with the thought of how things would be different if he died.   
  
Wouldn’t it just be easier? It was simpler. There would be no troubles: no Marauders, no Malfoy, no war, no more pain… Despite the many time's death plagued his mind, there was always a part of him that wanted to live. Some stupid part of him would argue that if he gave up now, they would win and he would miss so much.

Plus if he had died before now, he would have missed out on all the good times he had with Lily. The crazy moments that made his side hurt from laughter, the happy moments that gave him hope, and Severus could never get over the pride that filled him when he discovered a new spell or made a new potion, getting to show it off to Lily and see the fascination in her eyes. It always felt amazing having those experiences.  

Those rare moment of happiness and complete bliss were electrifying, and he always thanked his lucky stars that he got the chance to feel moments like those.  But those moments were too few and far between, hardly feeling like they are worth the effort.

He tried to convince himself that it was better this way. He was going to have to let her go eventually. The war was coming and they had to pick their sides, she would no doubt fight against the Dark Lord, and he was destined to become a Death Eater whether he wanted to or not. And maybe at one point, he did. As terrible as Slytherin was and all the followers of the Dark Lord were, there was a bit of acceptance. It was something he had hungered for all his life to feel worthy, appreciated, maybe even treated as an equal, but there was nothing there that they could offer him to make it worth it.

Oh, how they promised him riches and respect, but in the end, he knew they were just lying through their teeth with false smiles. Severus wasn’t stupid, and being in Slytherin had taught him to smell a lie a mile away just like the rest of them. He knew they would never fulfill their promises to him; they hated him too much. But there was some part of him, for a split second, that believed that they would. That it would all be worth it.  
  
Severus shook his head, he knew it would never be worth it. He wasn’t even worthy of Lily’s friendship, throwing it away for something so stupid and empty in anger. Even so, it was their last year at Hogwarts and he would be taking the mark as soon as he graduated.

This was his inescapable fate, and if Lily hated him now, then she would absolutely despise him then... It was easier this way, to get it over with, to rip the bandaid off in the hopes that it will make his betrayal hurt less. But Severus wasn't certain what he would do if they had their wands drawn to each other. He knew he would never dare hurt her, but he wasn't sure if she would give him that same mercy. It wasn’t something he liked to think about. He would cross the bridge when he got there.

In the meantime, Severus mainly spent his time trying to avoid any interaction with Death Eaters and the like. It was hard because he knew that Malfoy was searching for him, always walking in the halls or guarding the Common Room with his goons.

He often tried to hide in the library, but after he was almost caught six days ago, he’s been hiding with Hagrid who, despite not being entirely bright, did know the best places to find potion ingredients. Plus, Malfoy wouldn’t go near the hut even if his life depended on it.  
  
Hagrid wasn’t somebody that Severus ever thought he would find himself talking to, but surprisingly, Hagrid never treated him differently. He always offered him tea and stone-like biscuits, that Severus often denied, and there was always discussion of animals and wildlife. Hagrid was very knowledgeable in that aspect, and it was refreshing to finally have someone to talk with.   
  
One thing that completely astonished Severus was that Hagrid was in Slytherin, but because of certain reasons that Hagrid won’t mention, he lost his wand but was given a job as the Hogwarts caretaker instead. It was surprising, to say the least, and Severus was sure that if any one of the Slytherins heard a word of it, they would start a rebellion or die in shame from sharing a title with such a ‘low-life’ like Hagrid.   
  
It didn’t really matter in the end and Severus supposed that it would just be Hogwarts secret that would soon be lost in history. It’s not like it would have any value for the future.

Nonetheless, Hagrid was the only company that he had in last six days he’s been hiding away. Hagrid happily offered his garden and his hut for Severus to study and to spend his free time. Severus would even venture to the Forbidden Forest with him, watching and listening to the advice Hagrid gave as he attended them to animals and scouted for anything unusual in the forest. He even led him to the Unicorns once, and Severus watched amazed at their beauty and purity. They were truly magnificent.

And once their adventures were over, Hagrid would invite Severus for lunch or dinner at his hut, brought to them by the elves. Usually, Hagrid would eat in the Great Hall with the rest of the staff, but it was almost as if he knew why Severus avoided the Great Hall like a plague. And as Severus made his way to the hunt during lunchtime, he was still surprised to find a plate of sandwiches and a vase of pumpkin juice waiting for him when Hagrid wasn’t around.

Unfortunately, Severus was not able to avoid the Great Hall for much longer. Dumbledore had sent an announcement to the teachers to call everyone to a mandatory dinner.

From what Severus was able to gather throughout the day, there were apparently two new arrivals that everyone kept talking about. Whispers of excitement rang throughout the halls and in class.  He didn’t see it himself since he was hiding away in his room, but he had heard it was entirely worth the watch. Something about carriages and ships. And if he had heard correctly, the people that came with them would be interesting too.  
  
Many of the girls spent the day swooning and blushing madly at the mere thought of whoever they saw. It got quite annoying and even the teachers had trouble controlling the students in the class.   
  
Severus was luckily able to avoid the whole lot of them after classes since he hid away in the girl’s bathroom on the second floor. He would hate to be caught there, but it was the safest place for him to experiment potions and spell research since nobody ever went in there because of Moaning Myrtle.

After his experiments were done, Severus was planning to skip dinner and head to his room to relax, but Slughorn found him and happily ushered him to the Great Hall for dinner.

When he walked in, everyone was already sitting down so he hastily made his way to the end of the bench to join his house.  It wasn’t long before Dumbledore began to speak.

“Well, I have no doubt that each and every one of you might be curious about our guests," began Dumbledore. Severus snorted. "But first, I would like to make an announcement. Today, we will be sharing Hogwarts with not just one, but two other schools, for you see Hogwarts has been chosen to host the Triwizard Tournament."  
  
Several cheers and some surprised gasps had ranged out throughout the halls, but many of the students remained confused.  
  
"For those of you who don't know, the Triwizard Tournament is a competition between three schools. Each school is given a champion who undergoes three tasks where they compete against each other. Should you become a champion, do realize that you will stand alone. In the face of battle, it will only be you against the others. But enough of that now, let me welcome the lovely ladies and gentlemen of Beauxbaton Academy of Magic and their Headmistress, Madam Dubois.”  
  
Instantly, a group of beautiful girls and boys walked into the room. The room became sweet as the students clad in baby blue uniforms walked in gracefully. The girls would flash a small burst of magic that would burst into glitter and fairy-lights while the men bowed and would kiss the hands of any of the females, and some men, that were near. In the end, together they released rose petals into the air that had dispersed a heavenly aroma. Almost everyone became enchanted with them and many of the girls swooned as the boys hollered cheerfully. The smell made Severus nauseous, and he could have sworn he saw a fellow student choke on a petal.  
  
"And now, let us greet our friends from the north, the proud sons of Durmstrang Institute and their Headmaster, Master Ivanov," cried Dumbledore.  
  
Just as quickly, the doors were slammed open, startling everyone sitting nearby, including Severus. Suddenly, boys of all ages rushed in, each one doing fighting forms that Severus could never dream of doing. They were strong, he admits, but they did not look very bright. At the end of their performance, they each clapped their hands, sparks releasing every time. Suddenly, one student had stood forward, facing the Great Hall. He was doing complex movements with a stick, tossing it and swinging it around until he slammed it against the floor. A strong gust of wind blew through the whole room, snuffing out most of the candles and even knocking a few students out of their seats. Severus would have laughed as he watched people scramble off the floor to sit back down, but the gust of air had hit him so hard that he’d been winded. There was a roar of applause once everyone was able to catch their breath.  
  
"Yes. Yes," said Dumbledore, raising his hand to calm the students. Everyone was now seated and was watching him expectedly. "I would like to say a few words. Eternal glory is what awaits you, but to obtain this, you must survive three dangerous tasks. They will not be easy, and you will face situations that many hope to never face. But only those who are strong can enter and only those who are worthy can be chosen.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Severus could see both Black and Potter grinning brightly, practically standing on the bench as they held each other in a side hug. It was the closest they’ve been to their usual selves in a while, and they were staring at Dumbledore as if he had offered them the world. A small frown made its way to Severus’s lips.  
  
While Severus had been busy looking at the Marauders, Dumbledore had made his way over to a pedestal in front of the teacher’s table which had previously gone unnoticed by the students. The pedestal was draped in a cloth to hide whatever was sitting on it, and students craned their heads to get a better look.

Dumbledore said on the last thing.“I wish the best of luck for those who choose to compete, but for now, I present to you,” and, as dramatic as ever, Dumbledore had whisked away the  cloth and revealed, “The Goblet of Fire.” There were several cheers as many of the students stared in awe and in wonderment. Severus was a bit disappointed really. The goblet looked like it was crafted poorly from stone, hardly impressive really. Yet, he couldn’t stop his skin from prickling into goosebumps as he stared, entranced by the blue flames coming from the goblet, for reasons he could not explain  
  
"For those who wish to compete," continued Dumbledore," simply write your name on a piece of parchment and throw it into the flames. In three days, at this very hour, the goblet will choose our champions. But don't make any rash decisions." Almost immediately, Dumbledore glanced at Potter and Black,  a small smile on his lips as his eyes twinkled annoyingly.

If anything, Potter’s and Black's smiles seem to grow. "If chosen, there is no going back. As of this moment, the Triwizard Tournament has begun."  
  
As students began to talk and gossip about whom their champion will be, Severus snuck out and ran to his rooms. He didn’t like this at all. There was a strong urge that Severus could not place, but he did not give himself enough time to think about it. He wouldn’t allow himself to play with the subject anymore. He was almost fearful of what he would find.

* * *

 

It has been two days since Dumbledore began the games. There was still a buzz of excitement everywhere, students were gossiping non-stop and many of the girls couldn’t seem to stop giggling. Quite honestly, Severus wanted to hex every single one of them, but he refrained.

He didn’t want to draw attention to himself, everyone was so focused on the tournament that they had completely forgotten he even existed, leaving him blissfully alone and hex free, and he hoped it stayed that way for as long as possible.

And of course, Black and Potter believed themselves to be the next champions and many of the students thought so too. Who better than the stars of Hogwarts themselves? Surely a Gryffindor would be best suited for the job. Most of the student body would flock to them, demanding their attention and both of them offered it gleefully.  
  
Even Lily seemed excited, Severus noted. He was walking towards Hagrid’s hut when he heard her talking to her friends about it.  
  
“It sure is exciting. Don’t you think?” asked Lily. “I think it will really be amazing to watch the tournament.”  
  
“Yes!” cried Molly Prewett. “But I would never compete. Too dangerous, I think.” she said, before muttering in a hushed whisper, “I have heard people have died in these games. You don’t think someone will die this year, do you?”  
  
“Certainly not,” replied Alice Smith. “It will surely be dangerous, but have you taken a look at who has entered? James and Sirius might be a bit dimwitted, but they’re not completely stupid.” Severus would gladly argue that, but he never got a chance.  
  
“So, you think it would be one of them then?” asked Lily.  
  
“Who else could it be? I think they are the best ones suited for the job. They’re rash, but they are powerful.”  
  
Lily bit her lip in a thoughtful manner. “I suppose so, but I just have a feeling it won’t be them.”  
  
“Who do you think it will be,” asked Prewett.  
  
Severus didn’t hear her answer, Hagrid had spotted him and had waved for him to follow.

* * *

 

It was raining by the time Severus had returned from the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid. His clothes were soaked and most of his parchment for his notes were too, but Hagrid had sent him off when Severus began to sneeze uncontrollably, saying he would catch his death if he didn’t go inside to take a hot bath and get some sleep, which was what Severus was planning to do until he was rudely interrupted in front of the Great Hall.  
  
“Well,” began a smooth voice, “if it isn’t my favorite potioneer.”  
  
From the shadows, Malfoy walked forward. Severus felt his heart drop, a feeling of dread start to bubble up in his chest. Severus knew he shouldn’t have expected Malfoy to just give up on him so easily, though he had hoped Malfoy would forget, given the new circumstances of the tournament. It was foolish of him to let his guard down, Severus scolded himself. But never mind that, it’s too late to change anything. Severus quickly plastered a passive look onto his face, hoping that it was convincing enough.  
  
“You have been avoiding me, Severus. That is very rude of you. No, don’t say that you haven’t, I know very well that you have.” The blonde boy said, cutting him off before he could try to explain himself. Malfoy was almost in front of him, the blue light of the goblet’s flames casting a ghoulish shadow over his face as a wicked gleam fell into his eyes and as snarl was beginning to form upon his lips. “You aren’t getting cold feet, are you? Surely, you know why I have sent for you, but I just can’t find any other reason for you to refuse my calls other than you backing out. We can’t have that now, can we?”  
  
Severus didn’t even get a chance to defend himself before, Malfoy had him pinned against a wall, his forearm pressing on Severus’s neck while his other hand clawed into Severus’s wrist. Malfoy was a lot taller than him and had a lot more weight in his upper body which he used to his advantage to keep him in place.

As Severus started struggling, Malfoy applied just enough pressure to his neck to keep him from talking, leaving barely enough room for him to breathe.  Malfoy had him where he wanted. There was no way to defend himself, he couldn’t reach for his wand nor could he even throw a punch, as weak as it might be. He was completely trapped.  
  
“A lot stands with you Severus, and I won’t have your cowardice jeopardize my place in the Dark Lord’s inner circle, especially after promising your loyalty to him. He is quite excited you know.”   
Malfoy removed his hand from his wrist and began to caress his cheek, Severus feared he would throw up right then and there. “His own private potioneer at his fingertips.” His hand made his way to his hair now, “a devious, intelligent mind like yours will help his cause greatly.”  
  
Malfoy’s eyes flashed to his, gripping his hair tightly, but Severus refused to let him see the fear or panic show. “Why even fight it? You know damn well you won’t be able to do anything else. Don’t make this difficult, Severus. I know very well that you have nothing to lose. Quite frankly, you don’t have anything at all, but with the Dark Lord, you can obtain riches, glory, and respect in his world. All you have to do is accept his offer. You won’t be given a second chance, and we wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, now would we?”  
  
The last of the words were whispered into his ear as Malfoy added more pressure to his neck, cutting off Severus’s air supply before swiftly throwing him to the floor. “There is nothing for you here Severus. With us, you will be great, but should you refuse, there will be no remorse for your betrayal or your death. And I would watch out for that mudblood of yours too. So many things could happen to her if you aren’t careful,” Malfoy said almost mockingly, before walking away, leaving Severus alone with his thoughts.

Heavy breathing filled the halls and a ringing sound would not leave him. He had to get out. He had to find a way out. If he didn’t, he would die. But what could he do? Where could he go? He barely had enough money to survive a month anywhere else but here. But they would find him, this he was sure, and they would kill him. Even if he were to refuse Malfoy’s offer, it was not like anyone would help him. And he could not risk Lily’s life for his own. No, they will go after her. And while she is definitely capable of defending herself, they will find a way to kill her. A cruel and torturous way. No, he had to do something now, something stupid he thought. But what? What could be strong enough, stupid enough to have him escape?  
  
Almost instantly, his eyes were captured by the blue flame again. His skin prickled and goosebumps began to form. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there or how he found himself in front of the goblet, the fire had completely captivated him. It was calling to him.

This is stupid, thought Severus, but that didn’t stop him from searching for a piece of parchment that wasn’t soaked. He was still wet, a puddle forming on the floor and his hair sticking to his face, but he had seemingly forgotten all about it with the commotion with Malfoy.  
  
Almost in a trance, Severus carefully wrote his name with the ink and quill that was hidden in the pockets of his robes. _Severus Snape_.   
  
Hesitantly, Severus raised his hand towards the goblet, but he did not put his name in the flames. But there wasn’t another option, Severus argued with himself. This was it. His only escape. If he wins this, he will be more than what they said he would be. The prize money would be more than worth it. And if he were to die, well, that was a better option too.  
  
A new sense of bravery had overtaken Severus, something powerful filled the room, and he let his name fall into the clutches of the flames, burning it away instantly. He did it. He had entered for the selection. There was no turning back even if he was chosen now.  
  
  



	3. A Change in Fate ★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updated version of Chapter 3 thanks to my beta derpypasta8811!

Chapter 3: A Change of Fate

As soon as Severus had placed his name in the goblet, he felt a wave of nausea hit him. He couldn’t believe what he had just done. He was doomed. If the tournament didn’t kill him, then Malfoy definitely would once found out what Severus had done.  Entering this damned tournament showed exactly where his loyalties lied. But it was too late now; there was nothing he could do.

Severus stood there for a minute longer before he carefully made his way towards the dungeons, making sure to keep his guard up. He wouldn’t put it past Malfoy to sneak attack him on his way there.

He entered the common room and found it empty. It was mostly dark, as it usually was, with the exception of the fireplace that was nothing more than a pile of burning embers by now.

Quietly, Severus made his way towards his room. He raised his charms and shields upon entering, and as soon as he was done, Severus searched the room for anything odd. When he found nothing out of sorts, he collapsed on top of his bed. He couldn’t sleep now, he still felt far too wired from Malfoy’s attack, adrenaline still rushing through his veins, keeping him awake.

As Severus gently shifted around on his bed, he was reminded that he was still wet and that he should probably take a bath, but he was too lazy to get up now that he was already lying down.

His mind still swam with worry. Running a hand through his wet locks, Severus sighed loudly and sunk into his bed even more. He felt older than Dumbledore looked.

Severus was slowing falling asleep when a bit of the dungeon chill had overtaken him. It was a simple breeze that caused his whole body to shake. He really needed a bath or a change of clothes. Something to keep the cold away. Severus forced himself up with a groan and opened the drawer next to him. Inside laid his potions book, filled with notes of criticism, and his night clothes. When he reached for his clothes, he found a miniature chest.

Severus never recalled placing it there or how it could’ve gotten there in the first place. Carefully, he checked it with a few spells, but when he found nothing, he grabbed it. It looked simple enough, old and worn with gold engravings on the wood.

Confused, Severus turned it around and found a small note on the bottom that read ‘Make Me Big’ in a familiar scrawl that he could not place. The handwriting was no one from school, that he knew for sure. Plus, none of the other students were smart enough to find their way into the Slytherin common room. A Slytherin perhaps? But why? It was definitely not something Malfoy would do. He was often known for his subtle motives and actions, but why not present it to him earlier? It definitely wasn’t cursed which ruled out most of the Slytherins. None of them were creative enough to do anything otherwise.  

Hesitantly, Severus spelled it to make it bigger to its natural form. It was quite large, almost larger than him. 

Upon closer inspection, Severus noticed that there were several different engravings on the chest. He knew some of them from Ancient Runes, but there were many that he’s never seen before. Reaching forward to touch them, the chest opened simultaneously.

The sudden movement made Severus jump back.  It was dark inside the chest and Severus called his wand for light.  Severus squinted his eyes against the bright light of the spell and pointed his wand into the chest. Even with the light, the darkness was still unsettlingly oppressive, and Severus was barely able to see the outline of a staircase going down into the chest. As he pointed his wand further in, it didn’t provide enough light to see how far it went. It looked as if it leads into an endless abyss.  He didn’t trust it. But if there was a beast inside, it would have killed him by now.

Letting his curiosity take over, he slowly made his way inside.  Each step was met with a creak and a groan, the pressure of his weight was too much for the steps, and Severus nearly stopped, fearing he would fall to his death. When he made his way down, instantly, candles lit and the room was filled with warm light. It was hardly a room of any sorts. It was small and cramped with old books, parchment, and dust all over the place with a small desk at the corner.

“What is this?” Severus muttered as he slowly walked around, gazing at each dilapidated book. All of them were rare books about potions, the dark arts, and charms. Severus became more and more intrigued with every moment he spent in this strange room. As he made his way towards the desk, he noticed an envelope with his name on it.

When he opened it, he was shocked at what he found. It was a letter from his mother.

_ To my dear son, _

_ Severus, if you have found this, then it means that I am dead. You will be receiving an owl from the Ministry in the morning to confirm it. _

_ I have been sick for a long time, which I’m sure you have noticed. There was nothing either of us could have done. My magical core was failing and it was killing me. _

_ I've spent the limited time I have left gathering money for you to leave once you finish your time at Hogwarts. I might not have been able to escape that house, but I’ll be damned if you don’t. It is not a lot, but there are 2,000 galleons in the drawer below. _

_ You might be wondering about this room. I created it a long time ago with all the things I was able to gather from Prince Manor before I left. Here you will find rare books that will help you. There are centuries worth of knowledge contained within these tomes, each one costing more than a fortune. I am not sure what situation you will find yourself in, but I know a war is coming, and having the right knowledge could mean the difference between life or death. I hope that you will use them well and that they help you more than they ever helped me. _

There were a few tear stains on the parchment, making some of the words blurry and hard to read.

_ I will miss you, my dear Severus. You must know that you are strong and brave, and I am very proud of you.  You will make it. I know you will. I have so much faith in you, victory will run in your veins. I know it. You must fight. You must always fight. There will always be people that will hate you, people that will wish for you to fail, but you must prevail no matter what. I know you will. _

_ Always remember that I love you. _

_ Your mother. _

Severus wasn’t sure when he started crying, but he was. The letter was crumbling under his fingers. When he stopped, he felt exhausted and had begun to lean against the books for support. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. And he eventually fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

When Severus woke up, his back hurt and he found himself in a strange room. Memories of last night filled his mind and a deep sadness took over.

Now he understands why his mother acted the way she did at the train station. It was her wishing him goodbye for the last time. 

He didn’t how long he stayed cooped up in the chest, but after taking time to compose himself, Severus made his way back upstairs into his room.

It was still dark in his room and the only light came from the soft flickering of the candle’s flames. Severus wasn’t sure how he did it, but he eventually found himself ready and dressed before making his way to the Great Hall. There was no point in hiding away now, Malfoy made his point clear and would not need to seek him out until later in the year if he was lucky. 

Upon entering, there was sunshine flowing in from the tall glass windows and most of the students were already seated and enjoying breakfast. It looked like any other day, but from here on out, he felt like it would never be the same. 

Almost on autopilot, Severus made his way to the Slytherin table and sat down away from his housemates.

He didn't bother putting food on his plate, nor did he feel particularly inclined to eat anything at all,

Though he was soon snapped out his stupor when a loud cry from above captured his attention. A swarm of owls flew above them before gracefully diving down and dropping letters and packages to the students. 

True to his mother’s words, an owl, presumably one of the ministry's, landed next to Severus and dropped a black envelope onto his empty plate. Several people were looking at him now, and the ones unlucky enough to know what the black letter meant grimaced and sent him pitying looks.

Carefully, Severus opened it and found a simple and rather blunt letter informing him of his mother’s passing. There were a few other documents that were included with the letter as well, and upon further inspection, he realized that some of them were inheritance papers. Despite his confusion, Severus immediately put them away in the pockets of his robes so as to not draw too much attention to them

After putting away everything from the letter, Severus found himself staring at his plate again, trying to ignore the stares and whispers of his classmates. After a few minutes, many of them turned away. Except for one. When Severus looked up, his eyes met brown ones. Of course, Potter was staring at him, but there was a frown on his face and an unreadable emotion in his eyes. Severus immediately glared at him, but Potter did not turn away. They locked eyes from across the room, neither one backing down. Potter eventually broke the connection when Black started to gesture to him wildly.

Once Severus was sure no one else was watching, he left the Great Hall and made his way to his first class of the day.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day was uneventful. Everyone was too busy discussing the event that would happen later that night to focus on Severus or the letter he had received. McGonagall did, however, approach him after class. She placed a warm hand on his shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. She offered her condolences and her time should he need it, but nothing else. She knew Severus was not one for talking, and there was nothing else that needed to be said. The gesture of support was enough with their mutual understanding.  

After classes, Severus ran into the Forbidden Forest, wanting to be alone. Hagrid had tried to approach him, sadness filling his eyes as he kept making gestures with his hands and opening and closing his mouth, trying to come up with words that might ease Severus’s grief, but he decided to remain silent and simply gesture with a nod of his head. Severus reciprocated the nod and didn’t do much else. He remained in the forest until late evening reading and working in his journal. He spent a few hours sketching important ingredients and noting their uses and proper way of cutting and grinding.  

It was only when Hagrid had approached him and had told him that he best be heading to dinner did he realize that he had been lost in his head for more than a few hours. 

Severus had almost forgotten about the tournament, though memories of last night reminded him of what he had done. Severus was still upset that he let his emotions overtake his reasoning, but there was not much that could be done now. And it wasn’t as though he was going to be chosen anyway. It was just like Smith said, who better than Potter or Black?

 

* * *

 

Severus did not feel like eating at all, but he allowed the half-giant to lead him to the Great Hall. Once they reached the doors, Severus quickly excused himself and made his way to the Slytherin table once again. It was only once he had properly settled down that he noticed all three schools had gathered in the Great Hall. 

A lot of the newer students remained with their schoolmates, but they shared the tables with the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. 

Each person in the great hall was nearly jumping in anticipation. Only the Slytherins and a few of the Ravenclaws seemed to be able to hide their excitement, but there was still a noticeable gleam in their eyes. The excitement was everywhere, and Severus couldn’t hate it any more than he already did.

Dinner could not seem to finish quick enough and Severus nearly bolted to the door once Dumbledore had sent away the remaining food and dishes; however, Filch was guarding the door with his cat, Ms. Norris. While Filch did not dislike him enough to make his life difficult, he did not favor him either and blatantly refused to let Severus leave early, despite the pleading looks he gave him 

Once everyone had stood up, the teachers used their wands to move the large tables to surround the room in a circle so that the Goblet of Fire could remain in the center. Once they were finished, everyone else rushed to get a seat as close to the front as possible. Only Severus and a few of the older Slytherins remained near the back, but they opted to not sit near him. 

That suited Severus just fine; he certainly didn’t want them sitting next to him either. Being around his fellow housemates was just a constant reminder of what Malfoy had told him, especially since the only thing the upper years did was gossip about the war. Severus didn’t really want to talk about his fate or the mark he is expected to receive at the end of the year.

Malfoy was on the other side of the room. Far away from him, thank Merlin. Flashes of the night before left a terrible taste in Severus’s mouth, almost as if he ate dirt. He swiftly turned his eyes away and saw Lily. She was sitting next to the two girls from before, they were talking in hushed tones. Prewett would often gesture to the Durmstrang boys and they would all giggle when one would walk by. One had even had the gall to walk up to Lily, but Potter had quickly made his presence known. A frown was on his face, and his eyes were hard as he stared down the other boy, who quickly left as soon as he caught sight of Potter. Lily rolled her eyes naturally.

There wasn’t much talk about James and Lily’s relationship. Many people speculated that they were together after the end of last year when they were seen together most of the time. However, while they still do spend quite a deal of time together, Severus can’t recall them ever doing anything  _ affectionately.  _ Of course, he noticed the constant teasing and loving remarks made by Potter in the halls and in class, but none of it made it appear as if they were together. Potter should be showering her with love, thought Severus bitterly since he had gone through so much trouble to get her attention in the first place.

He couldn’t place it, but Severus was never quite sure what Potter’s motives were. If the incident with Lupin was anything of value, it showed that he at least he didn’t want him dead. But what was he playing at? What did he want if not to torment him and get Lily away from him? Severus couldn’t shake these thoughts.

Luckily, he didn’t have to. Soon, Dumbledore and the other headmasters had made their way to the front and the room quickly fell silent as they all watched them make their way to the center.

Placing his wand near the curve of his jaw, or, quite frankly, his beard, Dumbledore spoke with a booming voice.

“Welcome,” began Dumbledore, ”to the choosing of the Triwizard champions.” Cheers ranged out as all of the schools clapped and screamed. Raising his hand, the room began to fall silent again and Dumbledore continued.

“Remember, these are dangerous games, and anyone that is picked will have no choice but to compete. It challenges knowledge, strength, power, and insight. Some people have died in these games, but those who have won have obtained eternal glory, fame, and riches. And now, we begin.”

Suddenly, the fire spat out the first name. Instantly, the parchment landed on Dumbledore's hand, a smile graced his lips.

“From Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, Louis Bernard!”

Cries ranged out as all of the Beauxbaton students cheered for their fellow classmate. A beautiful boy had walked forward and happily clapped his hand against Dumbledore’s while giving him a quick hug. He raised his hand victoriously while kissing the parchment with his other hand. Many of the girls were screaming, no doubt enchanted by his looks. Severus could have sworn he felt his eardrums burst from all the high pitch squeals. He bit his tongue to stop himself from snapping at them.

As soon as Bernard had disappeared behind the backdoors, the room once again fell quiet, many of the girls still fanning themselves as grins filled their faces.

Straight away, the fire spat out another piece of parchment. Dumbledore read the name

“From Durmstrang Institute, Dimitri Ivanov!”

As soon as the words left his lips, all of Durmstrang hollered enthusiastically as they all pushed Dimitri forward. He was a lot more reserved than Bernard, but there was small smirk at the corner of his lip. He was not as good looking at Bernard, but he did have a strong jaw, fit form, and his eyes were “so dreamy”, at least according to the shrieking girl sitting in front of Severus.  

Severus watched Ivanov make his way towards the backroom and the room had gone silent once again. But Severus could almost feel the tension in the air; the room was practically thrumming with anticipation and the weight of the goblet’s magic filling the room. At a quick glance, he saw Potter noticed it too. He was no longer grinning like Black, a small frown replacing the smile that had been there moments before. His were eyes darting about the room looking to look for anything amiss. Before Severus could think anything of it, the headmaster had started to speak once again.

“And now,” cried Dumbledore, “the Hogwarts champion!”

The students of Hogwarts shouted cheerfully, banging their hands against the table and stomping their feet against the floor. There were several hollers as both Potter and Black were pushed to the front, both wearing giant smiles and eyes filled with glee and mischief, though a flicker of apprehension still lingered in Potter's.

Everyone waited anxiously for the fire to spit out the parchment- to declare their champion.  Severus watched as the fire turned to red and purple, spitting sparks as a piece of parchment escaped the flames. All eyes were glued to the paper as it fell into Dumbledore’s grasp. Severus could not help himself as he held his breath like the rest of his peers. Carefully, Dumbledore unfolded the parchment and stared hard and long at the words written on it.  

“Severus Snape,” yelled Dumbledore.

All eyes snapped to Severus who sat frozen on the bench. Whispers and cries of disbelief rang out, but Severus couldn’t hear them. He couldn’t hear anything. Silence engulfed him as his eyes locked with Dumbledore’s. His eyes had lost their twinkle and were instead hard and empty.

Severus swallowed a lump in his throat, bile rising. He could feel everyone's eyes on him. Especially a pair of gray ones that were all but burning holes into the side of his face.

From afar, Severus looked composed, but, internally, he was screaming at himself. Quickly, Severus walked up to Dumbledore and took the burnt parchment from his hand.  _ Severus Snape  _ was written in his elegant handwriting. He was pleased that his hand did not shake, but that was as far as his strength would allow him. He could not afford to look weak now, especially when the whole school was watching him.

As he walked toward the back door, his eyes caught Lily’s. Her brow was furrowed and her lips were thinned into a frown. There was curiosity in her eyes, but there was also fear in them too. Then, there was a familiar look on her face that he understood right away. 

Next to her was Potter. His face was void of all emotion. Severus felt a sneer forming upon his lips as their eyes locked with each other. Severus didn’t know what to make of it, he assumed that Potter would be in the same hysterics as Black, who was loudly complaining that the goblet was rigged by a slimy snake. But Potter was silent, frozen and pale like a statue. But before he could think about it any more, he realized he had already reached the door, and the last thing he saw before he left the room was Potter’s eyes following him.

 

* * *

 

 

When Severus entered the back room, two heads shot up. Both watching him intently. Bernard was staring at him curiously with a small quirk of the lip, while Ivanov glared at him with a hard frown on his face.  

“So, it is you then,” questioned Bernard. His voice was just as angelic as all the girls gossiped about, laced with a French accent that made his English very pleasant. He was definitely good looking now that Severus had a closer look. He had tight golden curls, strong jaw, and red, bow-shaped lips. From the fit of his clothes alone, Severus knew he had a well-built body. He was undoubtedly beautiful and Severus could already feel himself hating him.

“Obviously,” said Severus. But instead of being offended as most people are at his clipped tone, Bernard smiled pleasantly as if he’d expected such a response.  

“Well, this shall definitely be interesting. Don’t you think so Dimitri?”

Ivanov stood still and had yet to remove his gaze from Severus. Without missing a beat, Bernard continued.

“Right so good sir. Interesting indeed.”

Within the blink of an eye, Bernard was in front of Severus, hand outstretched as he waited for Severus to shake hands with him. Severus stared at it distastefully. “Well, I wish you luck. I think we will both need it.”

Severus didn’t want to take his hand, not really. But Bernard refused to back down and kept his hand still as he waited for him. Despite his better judgment, Severus sighed loudly and shook the boy's hand. The split-second Severus's hand grasped Bernard's, he felt himself get jerked forward and pulled uncomfortably close to the blond. Severus was so close could feel his hot breath against his ear as his face crashed into Bernard’s firm chest. Almost tenderly, Bernard whispered, “I look forward to seeing you again. It would be quite unpleasant if anything were to happen to you.”

Almost as quickly as it had happened, Bernard stepped away and the headmasters entered the room. Severus was still trying to catch his breath after that rather startling ordeal. He couldn’t tell if Bernard was a threat or not, and quite honestly, he was very tired of being manhandled all the time. Severus swears that if anyone tries grabbing him again, he's going to punch them in the face.

He noticed Dumbledore's eyes on him but did his best to ignore it and focus on the Minister as he discussed the tournament. Too much was happening too quickly, and Severus was surely berating himself for his moment of weakness that led him to his situation now.

The meeting ended quickly and Severus bolted towards the door before the Minister even had the chance to finish his last sentence, and he barely registered Dumbledore calling his name as he ran outside, making a beeline for the tree by the lake. Someone important was waiting for him there, and he’ll be damned if he misses his chance.

  
  
  
  



	4. Meeting an Old Friend ★

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The updated version of Chapter 4
> 
> I would like to thank my beta derpypasta8811 once again for helping with this new version. She's amazing.  
>  

Chapter 4

Severus never thought in a million years that he would find himself face to face with Lily ever again. She stood patiently, waiting under the tree by the lake. She was wearing a green sweater with her hair down, and as he got closer, he noticed that she seemed exhausted. She looked older than he remembers, but she was still as lovely as ever.

Neither of them said a word. They just simply watched each other, taking in their forms. Severus could only imagine what he looked like to her. He had lost a lot of weight recently, and his cheeks were noticeably sunken in. He was surprised when he looked in the mirror this morning. He didn’t even recognize himself; he just saw a stranger. But to her, he probably was. He was not the same boy she first met, and he was not the same boy that she walked away from last year. No, he was different now and he could tell that she knew that. He could see it her eyes.

Her green eyes were just as bright as he remembered but they were careful and guarded now. There was worry in there too. He could see it by the way she stood, the small frown of her lips, and the crease in her brow.

Before he realized it, he found himself being pulled into her arms. She was shaking and he felt her tears fall and make a damp spot on his shirt. He stood there, not really sure what to do. He didn’t know where his boundaries were at this point and opted to remain still until she was finished.

It took a while, but Lily ceased her crying and was simply sniffling her tears away now. When she looked up, Severus could see a bit of red in her eyes and on her nose. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it when she started to slap him on the shoulder repeatedly.

“What the hell were you thinking when you put your name in the goblet,” cried Lily, ending every sentence with another smack against his arm. “Don’t you have any idea how dangerous these games are Severus? People _die_ in these games! What are you trying to do, get yourself killed? I should kill you right now for doing something so stupid. I expected something like this from James or Sirius, but not from you.”

She was glaring heatedly at him, her cheeks were flushed with her anger. Not sure if he should answer, Severus just stood silently. Lily huffed in annoyance and gave him a hard stare. For the first time in a while, it felt like old times, like when Lily yelled at him for getting hurt after getting into a fight with Potter. She was worried, and she was scared. Not that either of them would mention it because they both knew that she wasn't the only one terrified of what might happen.

“I didn’t mean to,” Severus said softly. “I’m sorry.” Lily’s eyes soften, but there was still a bit of fire in them.

“Well, you should be! Honestly, Sev, what drove you to this?”

Severus didn’t really know how to answer that. It would take hours to even discuss it, let alone provide an answer. The entire situation felt far too complex to unravel, even to himself

“I don’t know,” he replied. Lily’s brows furrowed more.

“Well…” she said hesitantly. “What are you going to do? You can’t get out of it. Dumbledore said so.”

What was he going to do about it, thought Severus? There was nothing that he could really do. The first match would be in three weeks and there was no indication of what it would be.

“I don’t know,” he repeated.

“It seems like you don’t know a lot of things right now. It's not like you.” Severus bit his lip and slowly walked past Lily. He made his way closer to the lake and sat down. A few seconds later, after a quick huff, Lily joined him. They sat there, watching the small currents of the lake.

“Why did you do it?” asked Lily. Severus frowned.

“Do what?”

“Say that word. That stupid word,” Lily said angrily. “Such a terrible, ugly word. Why did you say it? I know you don’t say things without meaning them, even if you never thought it through.” Severus didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. Did he truly believe that she was a mudblood? He didn’t know. Did he hate muggles? He wasn’t sure, but his father made it really hard to not give an unbiased answer.

“I don’t know,” said Severus again. Lily laughed bitterly, tears threatening to escape.

“Things were so simple back then when it was just you and me. Nothing could come between us. We only ever needed each other. It was you and I against the whole world. But that changed, didn’t, it?  When we first came, we were so excited, but we've changed since then, haven’t we? We aren’t the same little kids dreaming of magic. We were so young and-” she broke off with a sigh, “I don’t know.” Lily looked at him. “What happened?”

Severus sighed and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his left hand. He was tired and this wasn’t exactly a conversation that he wanted to have. It was far too complex for his liking. It wasn’t the same as trying to understand a spell or experiment with potions. This was real. Too real and too close.

“We followed different roads, Lily. We tried to make it work, but both of us are just destined for different worlds. We had our moments, following the same road. But when push came to shove, we both took different paths.”

“And why couldn’t we take the same path? Why would either of us choose to take a different one?” Lily was becoming angry again.

“It’s not something that either of us could control. The fates are much stronger than we are.”

“I don’t understand. Why are you making this so much harder than it needs to be? It’s simple-”

“No,” said Severus, cutting her off. “It is not _simple_. You don’t understand. You could never understand what it is like to be me.”

“Then _explain it to me_. I want to understand.”

“I _have_ , but Lily this isn’t something that can just be understood with words. Its-ugh.” Severus wiped his face with his hands in aggravation. This was definitely not a conversation he wished to have. At all. He just can’t explain it.

“Our lives are just too different. You are you and I’m me. The world sees us very differently. You come from a loving house, with parents that care about you. You’ve never had to worry about when you would get your next meal or if your father would finally beat you to death. There are things you’ve never experienced, you couldn't possibly understand.” Severus started to have shaky breaths, but Lily didn’t say a word. She was just watching him now.

“I was so excited to come here. To come here with you. But,” bitterness filled his mouth, “Potter and his gang of cretins made living here unbearable. Who would see me for me? Honestly, if you weren’t a Muggleborn you would never have spoken to me. If I hadn’t met you, I would have killed myself a long time ago; there was never anything worth living for except to just spend time with you, my best friend. You honestly gave me the will to live. How could I disappoint you? I couldn’t give up, not with you standing by my side. We were supposed to fight the world, weren’t we? But you weren’t there. And I know it’s _selfish,_ to constantly want your attention, but you made me so happy. Like, I finally found someone who would give a damn if I died. But when we were separated into different houses, how could I approach you?  You were so _happy_ without me, making so many new friends when all I had was you. Sometimes I got terribly jealous of you, but you were always so kind to me that it made me feel guilty.

“As time passed, we didn’t see each other as much as we used to. We were slowly drifting apart, and I didn’t have you constantly nearby to help me. Of course, you were there, you were always there, but it was never enough. I wanted something more. I wanted to feel love the same way that everyone else does: constantly and surely. But there was only you. No else ever gave a damn about me, Potter and Black made sure of that. I know you tried to get me to open up, but it never worked, did it? Sure, it was partly my fault. I’m not the most outgoing or talkative person out there, but there is something you just never seem to understand, no matter how smart you are. There will always be people who hate others for no good reason, letting their fears take over. And why shouldn’t they? Prejudice is everywhere. And as Black liked to point out, all, if not most, of the Dark Lord’s Death Eaters came from Slytherin. Nobody saw me, they just saw a snake. They knew I was dark, or that I was going to be. And they were right, just look at me. It is so hard to live in that house, Lily. You Gryffindors are so accepting and welcoming to your housemates, but it's a battle every day in mine. I could never prove myself to them, no matter how much I tried. And if I were to become useless even for a second, I could end up dead. It’s all about survival, and I had to play their games. I guess I was just so lost that I didn’t even know I changed. It was never meant to go this far. What started as a passing interest in the dark arts grew into something much darker, _I_ became darker.”

Lily was holding her hands in her lap. They were silent for a long time. Neither one saying a word to the other. A heavy and awkward mood filled the air.

If Severus was being honest with himself, it felt like he was finally able to breathe again, as if a weight had been lifted off his chest It was a lot of work holding all of this in by himself, and finally having it out in the open was a relief. He might have never wanted to tell Lily any of this, but it was bound to come out eventually. Didn’t mean he had to like it though.

They continued to sit there quietly until the sun had almost set before they both made their way back inside the castle. Severus walked Lily back to the Gryffindor common room. They shared an awkward hug and said their goodnights.

Their relationship was not completely mended, but it was something. Hopefully, they will build it out of something stronger than they had before.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Severus might seem to be very OC in this chapter, but I always felt that there was something that lied deeper with him and his actions for what he did. He might seem to be too open with his thoughts and his emotions, but I feel that the relationship between Lily and Severus is open. At least when it is just them. I like to believe that Severus is a lot less guarded when he is alone with Lily. Clearly, Severus is still quite secretive about his emotions given that it had led to this moment in the first place, but it is something that eventually happens when friends have a serious talk. I didn't really know how to approach Lily or how to end it, but I think it not having an immediate happy mending between them is more realistic. Trust was lost between them and a wedge/strain with their relationship is finally recognized. I love Lily greatly, but I always felt that she didn't quite understand, Severus being so careful and secretive about his life and emotions prevented their relationship to grow into something stronger. At least now, I hope that changes for the better. I'm glad many seem to like it (I'm very hesitate with my writing, I feel like rush things too quickly). Also, I would like to thank the two commentators, positive feedback is something I enjoy greatly. I'll try to update more frequently, but by Thursday I will be completely silent until April. Until next time :)


	5. Enemies from the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Surprising a lot people, Severus included, Lily came into the Great Hall and promptly sat right next to him at the Slytherin table. Severus watched as she placed a bit of food on her plate, not saying a single word or acting out of sorts. But by the questioning eyes and whispers of disbelief from people across the hall, they seem to not believe it either.

Many of them were doing that all day. Talking about him. He’s heard quite a few tales about his new title as a champion. Many speculated he used dark magic to trick the goblet (which is impossible if any of them were smart enough to know that an ancient artifact was a lot harder to alter than they think). Many of them even guessed he would no doubt use the same dark magic to win. Stupid things really. Didn’t mean he wanted everyone to talk about him or stare at him everywhere he went. He was going to start hexing people soon, he knew it.

It didn’t help that the Daily Prophet had already announced to the public the names of the chosen ones. They were desperately trying to set up an interview, but there wasn’t any time, fortunately. People will surely flock to watch the games and, despite being a Slytherin, he was still the representative of Hogwarts. It was going to get annoying quickly, thought Severus.

There was also the fact that news would have reached the Dark Lord by now. He will be approached by Malfoy again. If he had his suspicions before, then yesterday made it very clear that he didn’t want to join the Death Eater ranks. It was just a matter of time when Malfoy or others would make their move and if he was ready for it.

When Severus looked up, he saw Potter was already staring at him. He seems to being doing that a lot lately, and Severus didn’t quite trust him. He was up to something, he just didn’t know what. There was no anger in his eyes like he expected, and he wasn’t making his way over with crude remarks or to challenge him to a duel (which Severus was sure that was what Black was trying to do if the fierce whispering and hand gestures towards him were anything to go by). An angry Potter, Severus could handle. That was something he was used to and knew how to predict, but he didn’t know what to make of him now.

Severus’s brain was starting to hurt. It was just one thing right after another. At this rate, he was either going to kill everyone else or himself.

After a moment of annoyance, Severus looked away from Potter and continued to eat. Neither him nor Lily spoke a word. The air was still a bit tense between them, yet it was not nearly as bad as it was yesterday. Lily finished first and she waited patiently next to him as she watched him eat. It was a bit nerve wracking. He finished a bit earlier than he liked, and they both gathered their things and made their way to the first class of the day: Charms.

Severus was just a bit surprise when Lily sat next to him again, although he didn’t show it.

After a while, more students began to pool in. The whispering had yet to stop as many seem to think that he couldn’t hear a single word they were saying. Severus tried to ignore them the best he could, however, he had little patience.

It was only when a few of the Durmstrang students had entered (many of them along with Beauxbatons would begin to share classes with them for the rest of the year) that some of the whispering had stopped, many seem to find the boys to be a little bit more of value, or better to look at.

In a matter of time, Flitwick had entered and began class. It was boring as ever. Severus never really cared for Charms. He was good enough by the standards of his teachers and he done Outstanding on previous exams that he didn’t really have to worry about it. Severus gazed at Lily from the corner of his eye. As per usual, she was taking notes seriously, no doubt wanting to make sure everything was perfect and would be able to understand the material just as perfectly. Severus felt a small smile grace his lips. It was calming sitting next to Lily again. Hopefully this wasn’t a one-time thing, but they were just starting to get to know each other again and it would take time for them to be close to where they wanted to be.

 

* * *

 

Severus didn’t see Lily much after that for the next week between classes since they had taken different subjects for their last year. Their relationship was loads better and they were falling into old habits of spending time and joking together when they could. It was rough around the edges at first, creating an awkward silence. But once they started to talk or make a sarcastic comment about one thing or another, the ball just kept rolling and it was like the incident from last year never happened. It was nice to have someone to talk to besides Hagrid who he only saw a few times a week.

 Lily had Ancient Runes at the moment and Severus had a free period. Feeling a bit nostalgic, Severus made his way towards Hagrid’s hut. He hasn’t spoken to him in a few days and it would be nice to be with someone for a bit, but it didn’t go quite as plan.

Hagrid was nowhere to be found, probably had left into the forest earlier that morning. But since Severus had walked all the way here and still had loads of time to kill, he decided he would just sit at the edge of Hagrid’s garden where a few wild flowers were growing. Luckily, Severus had brought a bit of parchment and his Herbology book to do a bit of homework. But that plan seemed to fail as well when the book was suddenly spelled out of his hands.

Quickly, Severus turned around and found himself facing Black. A sneer fell upon his lips. If there was one person that he hated more than Potter and Malfoy, it was Black. The incident last year made it very clear how Black felt about Severus.

Severus was still a bit pissed that Black seemed to get away without a scratched where Severus had nearly died. It was something that he would never forgive Black or Dumbledore for.

"What are you doing here Black,” spat Severus.

“I should be asking you that Snivels. Come to play a dirty trick on Hagrid I see.”

Severus glared at Black.  

“I don’t see how that is any business of yours, Black.”

 “It is well in my business to help unexpected victims from dirty snakes like you.”

“Oh, you’re some kind of hero now Black? I would think you would be a mass murder if last year was anything to go on by.” Black’s eyes flashed in anger.

“That was your fault and you know it. Couldn’t keep your big nose out of other people’s business. Served you right. If Potter wasn’t there to save you then you would be-”

 “Dead. I would be dead and if that isn’t a clause for murder than I don’t know what is. Just admit it Black, you enjoy torturing people and you probably got off with the idea that I almost died. If I’m a dirty snake than what does that make you, huh? You might pretend to be better than everyone else Black, but you’re just as evil and nasty as your parents always wanted you to be.”

 Severus should have really seen it coming. Which is why it was only momentarily surprising when Black punched him in the face. It hurt terribly, but Severus didn’t really have much time to think about it as Black punched him again and again. After a swift quick kick to the stomach, Severus rolled onto his stomach and spit out some blood, laughing humorlessly.

“I expected nothing less from the Black Heir.”

Severus was preparing for another hit, but nothing came. Load and behold, stood Potter who held Black’s wrist in his grasp, the same hand that held a wand at the end that was pointing at Severus’s face. They were staring at each other. For the first time ever, Potter look angry at Black. There was a silent argument happening. Severus bit back a groan as he pinched his nose to stop the bleeding. Black huffed angrily and ripped his hand out of Potter grasp, glaring at both of them. Black spat at the grass right next to Severus’s head and walked back to the castle angrily. Potter watched him go, but he soon followed, leaving Severus to his pain and misery.

 

* * *

 

Severus couldn’t quite place when he fell asleep, but he remembers Potter entering the castle before everything went black. He had somehow ended up at the Hospital Wing and Lily was sitting next to him with a Transfiguration book in hand. As soon as she noticed that he was awake, she stood up and hugged him. It felt nice, but Severus didn’t get to enjoy it when Lily started to hit him with her book.

“What the hell were you doing? You almost gave Hagrid a heart attack when he found you, thought you were dead! I swear to Merlin I will kill you myself if you continue to get into these situation Severus”

Severus laughed weakly, but didn’t say anything. It hurt a bit to move and he was sure that one of his ribs was bruised, but not broken. Lily soon sat back down and they quietly discussed the day. It was only momentarily that Madam Pomfrey came to check on him, giving him a few basic potions and sent them off to dinner after she deemed him good enough to leave. Not after she scolded Severus, of course.

 

* * *

 

Not much happened after that day. Black was still angry and he and Potter weren’t speaking to each other. Black would sit with other students while Potter would sit with Lupin during class. Many people were gossiping about what had happened between them. And Severus was getting a few whispers himself since he wasn’t entirely healed. People would point and stare at his busted lip, cut at the cheek, and bruise at his eye in the halls and in class.

He hadn’t even had his first competition yet and Severus already felt like crap. Severus frowned. The first competition will start in a little over a week and he still had no idea what it was or what to do. He didn’t really prepare for anything either. Lily talked to him about it last night of course, showing her worry. They agreed to go to the library after classes to prepare for just about anything. Severus was not looking forward to it, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Hopefully, it won’t be terribly boring.

 

* * *

 

It was the last period of the day and Severus once again had a free period. Him and Lily were meeting after her History of Magic class. Feeling a little guilty, Severus had left to visit Hagrid to apologies for the fright he might have given the half giant the day before. Severus didn’t expect much, but he didn’t expect the goof to start crying and grab him into a bone crushing hug. It would hurt normally, but it hurt a lot more since Severus was still not healed. Hagrid seem to understand this since he soon let him go and wiped his tears with a piece of cloth.

Severus was only a little surprise when Hagrid had given him a letter.

“A friend of yours told me to give this to you,” said Hagrid in a gruff voice, weak and a bit scratchy from his crying.

Friend? Severus doesn’t have any friends, well there was Lily but he just talked to her and it didn’t make sense for her to give it to Hagrid when she is more than capable of giving it to him when they talk. No, this is from someone else.

Hesitantly, Severus took the letter from Hagrid and opened it. He trusted Hagrid’s judgement to not give him a cursed letter.

In a messy scrawl, that Severus could vaguely remember, was one word.

_Flying_

He didn’t know what to make of it. Was it an official hint for the tournament? Was someone trying to warn him or was someone playing a prank? He wasn’t sure, but the last one was a real possibility. Severus thanked Hagrid and rushed back to the castle. He had to talk Lily.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Severus saw Lily heading towards the Library after classes, he grabbed her arm and dragged her to an empty classroom. Lily was only vaguely annoyed at his actions, but didn’t say anything and let him drag her.

After Severus had checked the room and put a silencing charm up, he presented the letter to Lily. Lily looked at it and then at him, raising a delicate brow in questioning.

“I got this from Hagrid today.” Confusion filled her face, she couldn’t fathom why a simple letter from Hagrid was so important that he couldn’t just tell her in the library.  Lily carefully grabbed the letter and read. Her eyes snapped up to meet Severus’s.

“Flying? Do you think it's a clue for the first competition?” she questioned.

“I don’t know. It could be or it could be prank from just about anybody. I recognize the handwriting. I’ve definitely seen it before, but I just can’t place who it is.”

Lily took a closer look and recognition flashed in her eyes. Hastily, she gave the letter back to Severus and ran out the room.  Severus didn’t see her for the rest of the day. It was only when it was dinner time did Lily reappear. She looked a bit disheveled like she just came back from an argument that got her all fired up.

She cleared her throat. “It’s valid. The next competition is flying, and I- Well I think- Well it’s just….” She sighed. “You’re not that great at flying Severus, you never were and while I can definitely help you, I don’t know how to fly well enough for whatever the tournament will throw at you. I think that we should ask for help, f-from someone that knows it well.”

Severus already knew who she was talking about and he wanted to refuse.

“ _He_ would never agree to it,” snapped Severus.

“Well… _He_ had already offered to help you. That’s who I went to talk to. That letter was written by James.”

“And you don’t think this is just some elaborate prank?”

“James provided some... valid evidence that he wishes to not reveal. Don’t look at me like that. He showed me and I think it is proof enough. If you don’t trust James at least trust me.”

Severus wanted to argue more, but if Potter was right from whatever source he obtained it from, then Severus was going to end up dead from the first competition. During their first year, Severus ended up in the medical wing after his terrible fall from his flying lessons. He got better, but not by much. He could never get the hang of it. Nor did he really practice much after, it was hard to practice when all anyone did was laugh every time he fell. Severus narrowed his eyes, especially since the person that laughed the most was Potter.

No, he didn’t like this at all. And he was about to tell Lily that he would take his chances, as slim as they may be, when the man in questioned approached them. Still as good looking as ever, but Potter had bags under his eyes. He was paler too. There was no mischievous look in his eyes or a playful grin in sight. He looked just like Severus felt most days: tired.

An awkward silence filled the area between them, not one of them knowing what to do or what say. Lily huffed and dragged them to the Gryffindor table, muttering about how boys are so stupid. Potter and Severus followed and, to the shock of everyone, including themselves, sat next to each other. They didn’t really say much or anything at all. Lily doing the talking for all of them really.

Severus couldn’t help but to look at Potter from the corner of his eye. He was different surely. He appeared older and (as much as it kills Severus to admit it) a bit more mature. Severus didn’t want to agree with Lily, but Potter was the best flyer at Hogwarts. With a bit of training with him, Severus just might not die during the first competition. But none of them seemed to want to talk about it. They were just trying to get used to each other’s presence at the moment, well him and Potter were.

Severus could feel people staring. When Severus looked up, he saw Lupin looking at him, looking tired as always. He had almost forgotten about Lupin, never really seeing him around other than in class. Their paths never really crossed other than the times when he was used as backup when Potter or Black needed it.

Lupin offered him a small smile which Severus returned with a nod. Severus never knew what to make of Lupin. He never purposely sought him out to make his life a living hell, but he never did anything to stop the rest of the Marauders from their cheap tricks or bullying. It goes without saying that Lupin is a werewolf who almost killed him too, but Severus knew it wasn’t his fault. His readings about werewolves were very detailed in explaining that they lacked strength and control of holding the beast within them back. Which is why they’re so dangerous and often killed when they step out of line. Severus might have hated Lupin a few times in his life, but he never wanted him dead or locked up like some animal. Maybe if he was more bitter man, he would use it against him.

Potter accidently brushed him and Severus looked at him. Potter was watching both of them, but he locked eyes with Severus and didn’t say anything. After a moment of just staring into each other's eyes, which Severus noticed there was small flecks of gold within them, they both turned away and continued eating. A small smile made its way to Lily’s lips. No one spoke of how both Potter’s and Severus’s cheeks blushed just a bit in embarrassment.

 


	6. Above Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 6
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is a little bit shorter than the others, but I wanted to update before I went to bed. I really appreciate all the comments and I always get excited for every kudo and subscription. :) I'll try to update again tomorrow after work and after I do some stuff I need to do.

Chapter 6

The first contest was in 10 days, and Severus had nothing. Lily told him that Potter was going to meet him at the Quidditch Field after breakfast tomorrow since it's going to be Saturday and there were no classes. Severus had asked if she was going, but she said no.

“Why not? You can’t expect me to be with Potter all day by myself, do you?” questioned Severus. They were walking to the last class of the day: Potions. 

“That’s exactly what I expect you to do,” replied Lily. “Honestly Severus, nothing is going to happen. James won’t do anything to you. He was the one who offered to help you in the first place.”

“And you don’t find that suspicious?”

Lily was silent for a bit. She was biting her lip, a habit of hers when she was in deep thought.

“At first, yes. But Potter, told me some...things.”

“What kind of things?”

“Things that are not for me to say. Come on Sev. You got to admit that he’s been treating you differently.” She was changing the subject, but Severus didn’t stop her.  “He’s been sticking up for you. I think he’s had a change of... heart I suppose you could say. Besides, I can’t be there since I’m going to Hogsmeade tomorrow.”

“And you can’t go next week?”

They were sitting down now and Lily was staring at Severus, looking for something that Severus didn’t know what.

“No,” she said carefully. “I think it would be...good for you two to get along. Both of you have been fighting for years and I don’t expect the both of you to become the best of friends in a single day, but it would be good to… clear the air a bit, don’t you think? The two of you might have different interest, but the two of you are very similar in a lot of ways. Besides, I won’t be much help, I know about flying a broom just as much as you do. I’m not particular good at it either. I would just be in the way.”

Severus crossed his arms. “You could be there for moral support,” muttered Severus. Lily smiled pleasantly. Class was starting and the conversation was over. Lily was right. Severus already knew that. With Potter’s help, his chances were better. And as much as Severus would like Lily to be there, a buffer of sorts, Potter had yet to do a single thing to him. All he’s ever done was protect him. Ever since last year. Severus frowned. Maybe he felt sorry for him. His best friend did almost kill him. Severus’s frowned turned into a scowl. He didn’t need anyone’s pity, least of all from Potter. 

Speaking of the devil, Potter had entered with Lupin. Both were laughing at one thing or another. Severus watched as they both made their way to the desk next to his. Potter caught his eye and offered a small smile which Severus didn’t return. Potter might not have been treating him like crap this year...yet. But there was still plenty of time. He didn’t know what Potter was playing at, but it can’t be good. Severus would rather be safe than sorry than have Potter catch him off guard. 

Slughorn soon entered from the back rooms and began his lesson. They were to make Draught of Peace, a very complex potion that Severus knew most of his classmates would struggle with. It is one of the most difficult potions that they will have to make for their NEWTS, but it was also one that he had mastered easily three years ago since he often found himself needing it more than he liked. Especially at night with a Calming Draught. 

It didn’t take long for him and Lily to finish. It did take a while as the potion requires specific times of actions, ingredients, heat, and stirs for it to come out and it did. It was perfect and Slughorn congratulated them. Well, he congratulated Lily as she was part of the Slug Club. 

Severus rolled his eyes. He was over it a long time ago, but it was annoying that his own Head of House didn’t care about him either. Not to sound cocky, but Severus was good at potions. Really good. Better than any other imbecile here (besides Lily of course). But Severus didn’t really have anything to offer Slughorn other than his natural talent which was not enough apparently. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Severus saw that Potter was about to add chopped wormwood instead of diced wormwood. Instantly, Severus caught Potter’s wrist as he was about let go. Both of them froze as neither one of them believed that Severus had just willing touched Potter. But in Severus’s defense, had Potter put chopped wormwood, it would have caused the potion to explode and could have seriously injured him, not to mention cause a poisonous gas to release and kill everyone there. 

It took a second, but Severus let go and quickly diced a piece of wormwood expertly and placed it in the potion. It wouldn’t do for the potion to go to waste. Any second longer and it would have become useless. 

Lily smiled at him and patted him on his shoulder for what he did. It was only after class that Potter had said a quick thank you. The words barely left his mouth when he was already rushing out of the door. Severus didn’t see him until the next morning.

 

* * *

 

Severus had woken up in a terrible mood. He was supposed to go flying with Potter after breakfast, and he was not looking forward to it. 

He tried to get ready as slowly as possible, but he still arrived earlier than most of the school. Both Lily and Potter were already there, whispering to each other about something. When he got closer, they both stopped talking and looked at him. He frowned. If the guilty look in Lily’s eyes was anything to go by, then they were talking about him. Severus didn’t feel like eating anymore, but Lily insisted that he eat at least one thing. He took a bite of an apple and placed the rest of it on his plate. Lily frowned like a disapproving mother but didn’t say anything. 

After a few minutes, Lily gathered her things and said her goodbyes, she wanted to go to Hogsmeade as early as possible. When she left there was an awkward silence. Potter kept licking his lips, opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something. He had eventually had gathered all his Gryffindor courage and finally spoke.

“Well, um. D-do you want to head out now or…” Potter finished lamely. Severus wanted to refuse, he really did. But he didn’t. Severus gave him a curt nod and Potter nodded back. They both rose and walked to the pitch in silence. 

Severus was cursing Lily, this was the most awkwardest thing he had ever experienced. He didn’t know what to say and apparently Potter didn’t know either. When they arrived at the pitch, there were two brooms already waiting for them. Severus eyed both of them nervously. Potter however quickly called the for the darkest one of the two to his hand, which instantly flew to his grasp. Potter watched Severus, waiting for him to do the same. 

Severus sighed and had called for the broom. It took a few tries, but it did eventually come to him. Severus waited for Potter to say something insulting, but he didn’t. He was just waiting patiently. 

The progress was slow. Very slow. Severus was barely two feet off the ground when dinner was about to begin. They missed lunch since it took forever for Severus to control his broom. Potter tried to offer advice.

“You got to have more faith in the broom,” he said. “It’s a reflection of you. If you are nervous, then it will act nervous too. You have to be sure. Don’t hesitate.”

Severus had to bite back several snarky replies throughout the whole process. He didn’t catch all of them, but Potter didn’t react negatively for the few that he did say. 

When they were making their way to the Great Hall. They made plans to try again tomorrow and every day after that. Severus needed all the help he could get. 

Lily greeted them when they entered and made room for the both of them. People still stared, but most had gotten used to the new trio. 

The day went well, Severus supposed. He didn’t make as much progress as he would like but he definitely made a ton.  He would never be good as Potter, but at least he could control the broom and didn’t have to worry about it losing control. They were to work on height and then speed after a few test runs tomorrow morning. Lily promised that she would come and watch after she handled a few things. It was good enough for now, that was, until, they were leaving.

Lily was distracted by Prewett, who quickly approached her and began to talk to her about some guy name Arthur something. Severus didn’t really catch the name as he was too busy trying to catch his breath. 

“You did good,” said Potter before he ran to Lupin who was waiting by the stairs. Severus froze in shock. His voice was soft and he said it so close to him that Severus’s whole left side burned from Potter’s body heat. He could still smell his cologne and broom polish and something uniquely Potter. Severus didn’t like that he didn’t find it to be a horrible thing. 

  
  
  
  



	7. No Words to Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Severus fell to the grass with a hard gasp. The first task was in three days and Severus was nowhere near where he was supposed to be. It wasn’t without the lack of trying. Potter and Severus have been practicing practically nonstop after classes, but it wasn’t helping. Sure, Severus learned more in the past six days than in his whole life, but Severus was realistic; flying with a broom was not a strength that he had.

Potter tried different methods, but even Severus knew he was frustrated. His jaw was tight and there was a tick that would show whenever Severus messed up terribly. 

Severus was still on the floor when he looked up at Potter who was staring at him with frown. 

“Again,” said Potter. His voice was tight and his aggravation was showing. 

“What’s the point?” started Severus. “We have been trying for a week. Let’s face it, my skills in flying are severely lacking. The best we can hope for is that I just don’t die.”

They were both silent for a moment when a thought occurred to Severus. “Unless I knew what the task was.”

Potter’s eyes narrowed. “I can’t,” he bit out. “It wouldn’t be fair.” Severus quirked a brow.

“And telling me it was about flying was fair?” Potter groan in distress. After a moment, Severus asked a different question. “Did you tell anyone else?”

“No,” Potter said curtly. “Will you?”

“No.”

Potter was an idiot if he thought he would tell anyone. However the hell Potter found out, he wasn’t about to reveal it to the other champions. Severus was terrible as it was, he needed all the advantages he could get, and if that involved making the first task a surprise to the others, then so be it. Not that it would help much. While Louis and Dimitri weren’t excellent fliers like Potter, they were decent. At least that was what Lily told him after she spoke to the other students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. At least this way, they would be ill prepared. That was, if they didn’t already know. But Potter assured him that they didn’t. He found out on ‘accident’ he said. That was a load of hogwash, and Severus told him so in a less than kind words several times.

Lily came to the rescue after a few ill attempts of flying. She seemed frustrated too, but she was far more worried than anything. There wasn’t much she could do. Potter wouldn’t tell either of them anything. If only he knew what the task was then maybe they could try a different strategy.  Broom wasn’t the only method of transportation. There was also apparition, but you had to have a desired location in mind to use it. It wouldn’t help if he didn’t know where he was going, he could lose fragments of himself for trying. Whatever it was, Potter thought that a broom was the best fit. That meant he wouldn’t know the area or he needed to be in control of his movements at all time for the task. That narrowed it down, but not by a lot.  

He would also needed speed. It was something that he was pretty good at, surprisingly. Potter had even told him so. 

At first, Severus nearly had a heart attack. He thought he was going to die and he almost did. Severus was at least 100 feet in the air when he started to freak out and his broom threw him off. Severus liked to think he didn’t scream, but the panic was so strong that he didn’t even know that he stopped falling. Potter had caught him before he met his death.

He clung to Potter like a lifeline, not that he would admit it. Ever. And he would kill Potter if he spoke a word of it. 

When they were on the ground, Potter told him that was enough and that was all that Severus needed to hear before he nearly ran back to school. It took Lily all day yesterday to get him to try again. It was only when she started to threaten him that caused him to leave the safety of his rooms to meet Potter who waited patiently at the field. Lily would have made a great Slytherin if she wasn’t such a Gryffindor.  

After that it got pretty embarrassing. Potter seemed a little hesitant to give him a broom again, but Lily was nothing if not persistent and told them that they were not allowed to leave the field until there was progress. 

Carefully, Potter had asked Severus if he wouldn’t mind sharing a broom with him so that he could get a better idea of what was wrong and so that Severus could see up close how to control the broom and see how he should position when flying fast. They both blushed at the question. Lily rolled her eyes in the back.

Severus would argue that the blush was from anger and not because he was embarrassed. He was about to refuse when Lily started to make threatening hand gestures at him behind Potter’s back. Severus sighed and agreed. 

Flying with someone else was a lot more fun than flying by himself. He didn’t have to worry about anything. Potter was good at what he did and that alone gave Severus enough confidence that he wouldn’t plunge to his death again. Lily would kill Potter if he did. It was only when Potter started to fly faster that Severus couldn’t stop himself from wrapping his arms around Potter’s waist, who had immediately tensed. At first, they both freaked out, Potter nearly stopped the broom, but he controlled himself and relaxed. When they return to the ground, Potter made him switch spots so Potter could see what he was doing wrong. Severus was a lot more nervous than he would like, but did as he was told. Lily’s glare wouldn’t let him doing anything else otherwise. 

It wasn’t bad, but Potter had grabbed his hand several time to reposition him. Severus had slapped his hand the first he did that and that had almost caused him to throw both of them off the broom. Potter had to lean his whole body against Severus to gain control of the broom. When they were still, he let Severus continue and had whispered into his ear to tell him to calm down. Severus wanted to push him off the broom when he told him that. How the bloody hell was he supposed to calm down when he whispered into his ear and nearly pressed his body against his own like that. 

After another hour, with Potter right behind him, Severus was able to do a lot better. At the end of practice, Lily was practically beaming, a mischievous gleam in her eye that Severus didn’t like. They packed up and went to dinner; Lily chatting happily and complementing both of them about their progress. At dinner, they talked about small things like classes and such. Potter had excused himself early and was making his way to the Gryffindor tower when Lily and Severus were making their way to the lake.

“I told you you would do fine. But do you ever listen to me? No, of course not,” said Lily. 

After a beat of silence Lily spoke again. “What are your thoughts about James?”

Severus’s brows furrowed and a frown made its way to his face. 

“What kind of question is that? He’s a jerk. A bully. An idiot. Honestly, I could go on. I’ll admit, he’s not as bad as he used to be, but people don’t just change overnight. I don’t know what he’s playing at, but Potter doesn’t do anything without reason. He has a motive, I just haven’t figured out what.”

Lily hummed thoughtfully. “Have you ever thought that maybe he wants to make amends?”

“No. He spent that last six years making my life a living hell. What could have possibly prompted him to change his ways?”

“There could be a lot of reasons.”

“And I supposed you know those reasons then.”

“Maybe.” Severus frowned.

“Do you trust him?”

Lily licked her lips, “I don’t think it is important if whether or not I trust him. I think it is important if you trust him. So, do you?”

Severus didn’t know and Lily said that was a good enough answer for now. 

  
  
  
  



	8. Day 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 8

Chapter 8

  
It was the day of the first task and everyone was talking excitedly. There were loads of people outside in the court yard or around the pitch. People from all over Wizarding Britain came just watch the tournament. Along with them, were the reporters. They flocked the school like seagulls over a piece of moldy bread. There have been several of them trying to get an interview before the first task, but there wasn’t any time given that the task was so close and they were still students who needed to study and work.

  
Severus had been avoiding all human interaction as much as he could until he had no choice but to join the rest of the student body in the Great Hall for breakfast and for the announcement Dumbledore was to make.

  
Severus didn’t feel all that nervous. Or maybe he felt so much that his body had numbed it as to not have it shut down unexpectedly. There was so much that wasn’t known and it was still eating at his nerves. Everyone was wondering what it would be and it was bothering Severus to no end. Why couldn’t Potter just tell him? He already told him it was about a flying, but what about flying was being challenged? There are numerous paths that could be taken. Severus didn’t even know where it would be held.

  
Potter had told him to wear warm clothes the night before. So, it had to be somewhere cold. But where? Severus sighed in aggravation. Everyone was looking at him weirdly since it was warm outside and there was no reason for him to wear so many layers.

  
At least the other champions were no better than he was. Bernard, in all his glory, was flocked around with half the girls in school. All of them were batting their lashes and touching him suggestively. He took in stride, a grin on his face. When he looked up, he caught Severus’s eye and winked at him, all the girls swooned. Severus just glared right back at him and turned away.

Severus still didn’t know what to make of that night they were chosen. Bernard was a flirt, he saw it every time he was with a different girl or boy in the hall. No doubt using his new status to attract all the people he wanted. (He could possibly be worse than Black.) But that didn’t make sense why he did it to him. Severus wasn’t exactly the ugliest person in the world, but he wasn’t exactly the best-looking bloke either (despites Lily’s assurance that wasn’t true and that she would punch anybody that said otherwise). Maybe it was to distract him? Severus didn't know. He would have to keep a closer eye on him. Luckily or unluckily, they didn’t share a lot of the same classes and he mostly had to see him in the halls and during meals which Severus rarely attended. But the rare times that they did cross paths, Bernard made sure that he gets close to him as possible, whispering the sweetest words that most of the girls in the school dream of hearing. Severus would bite back several retorts and fought a grimace every time it happened. He didn’t want him to know it affected him, but he doubted it matter. As good as Severus was at hiding his emotions, Lily said his eyes were a bit tricky to control. His annoyance would often show through his heated glares and distrustful looks.

  
But as beautiful as Bernard was, he was wearing nothing but simple robes that were meant more for show than actual use. Ivanov was better off, Severus supposed. He did live in Russia and most of his clothes were meant for the winter and harsh winds. If they were to go somewhere cold and flying, then he would probably have the best advantage out of all of them.

Severus sighed in annoyance. This was a terrible idea. Severus was still upset that he was actually chosen for the tournament, but it was better than becoming a Death Eater. At least, Severus hoped that this would stop it. But he wasn’t sure. It was definitely a gamble that Severus had taken. It was a strong risk that this would end up killing him. Malfoy’s threat still stood and while he didn’t outright deny Malfoy, his actions spoke volumes. He was barely able to avoid any interaction with Malfoy which was quite difficult. They did share classes with each other, that was unavoidable. But Severus was often accompanied by either Potter or Lily which whom

  
Malfoy refused to approach. Severus knew it was cowardly to use Lily and Potter as means to avoid Malfoy, but he didn't quite have the energy to talk to him, or be threatened or killed by him either.  
Severus knew that Malfoy would find him and approach him eventually. It was unavoidable. He wasn’t going to let his guard down like he did before. But there was never a clear opening for Malfoy to come in. He would, if he found it necessary, just approach him unexpectedly and demand his audience. Severus would have no choice but to agree to a meeting. Anything less would show his reluctance to join the Death Eaters and that would just add more fuel to fire.

  
Severus can defend against Malfoy, better than most. Malfoy likes to think he is very skilled in dueling, but that was Severus’s biggest strength besides potion making. Malfoy wouldn’t stand a chance against him one on one. He would need others to not only catch him off guard, but to actually beat him. Severus has had a lot of practice of fighting against multiple people (the Marauders helped with that). But as strong as Severus was, he could only fight so many people for so long. It would be best to not be by himself for too long. But he didn’t want Lily to be there either. She would get hurt and as his friend, she would be use as leverage against him. She was probably his only weakness and that would could lead her to serious harm or maybe death.

Severus frowned. Most kids didn’t have to worry about death at such young age, but a war was coming and Severus was unfortunately at the front of it. He’s technically on neutral ground, stepping carefully between the line of the light and dark, but he would eventually need to pick a side and he had to choose the perfect moment to do it. Unfortunately, Malfoy already knows which side he will pick, it's just a matter of when or if he could force him to take the mark. Once he has the mark, Severus won't be able to escape that life. They would kill him if he didn’t, but Severus has already seen it as a good enough sacrifice. He was tired of this designed story line to his life. He wasn’t sure what would happen or what he would do, but he couldn’t avoid it forever. No, Severus needed to start preparing. Not only for the task but for the war that will follow. He would need to start reading the books his mother had left for him a lot sooner than he suspected.

  
Severus was still in deep thought when there was a sudden boom next to him. Lily was standing next to him with a hand on her hip and several book on the table next to his plate. They were spell books.

  
“James trained you enough about flying. This is as good as you are going to get. We need to work on spells. I know that your wand abilities are great, but we have no idea what spells Bernard or Ivanov know. They could have learned other spells that you haven't.”

  
Severus would disagree. All Severus ever did was make potions and read books on magic. Hell, he already made his own spells which he sure knows that Bernard and Ivanov have never heard of, nor would they be able to defend against them. Severus might have been seen as a dark wizard from all of his research of the Dark Arts, but now it would finally come in handy besides the few scuffles that he had in the past with Potter or Black. But if it was about magic, then Potter would have said something. Severus said as such.

  
“True, but he was the one who was often at the receiving end of your wand. He probably thought that you were good enough and didn’t need as much training as you did with flying. But that still doesn’t mean that you should neglect defense spells.”

  
“Come on Lily,” complained Severus. “I have more experience than they do. I know how to defend myself.”

  
Lily frowned and she wanted to argue more when Potter suddenly appeared. He was dressed a lot more warmly, which Lily was too (Severus had barely noticed the coat she was wearing; She was receiving a lot of weird looks too). He had a maroon jumper on with cream colored trousers that looked quite thick. He also had a dark coat with a bit of animal fur. He looked...nice. Lily complemented at the same time he thought so. Potter smiled bashfully, but then it formed into a giant grin and he made a few flirty jokes to Lily which she just rolled her eyes at in response. He was looking at Severus now. His brown eyes starting at him with something that Severus has never seen before. It was...warm. Almost kind, but looks could be deceiving.

  
“Are you ready?” asked Potter.

  
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” replied Severus. Potter was about to say something else when the Headmasters and Headmistress had entered. Everyone quickly hushed up, looking expectantly at them. Finally, all their question will be answered.

  
“Attention students,” began Dumbledore. “Today is the first task of the tournament which I am sure that many of you are excited for. We will be traveling for the task in a few hours. We will be meeting at the Quidditch Field for those of you who wish to go. Our champions,” Severus tensed up and saw the others do the same,” You will be expected to meet here after the meeting point for the other students.”

  
Severus was surprised. Why weren’t they going with them? Lily had the same questioning face as he did, but Potter didn’t seem to be surprised at all. Of course, Potter knew a lot more than he lead on, but that didn’t explain why they had to be separated. Lily asked Potter for the both of them.

  
“It’s for the sake of the task” he said hesitantly. “The area is bit wonky and they have to prepare the audience before they prepare for you. They don’t want any of them to get hurt and they still need to properly set the boundaries for the task. “

  
“Why wouldn't they have that set already?” Lily asked. Potter licked his lips. He didn’t want to give any more information than he already did.  
“Because the area is not constant and it needs to be set at a certain time...for specific reason.”

  
Severus narrowed his eyes at that. What kind of bullshit answer is that? But Severus didn’t get enough time to question him about it when Potter handed him a small bag. Severus looked at him.  
“What is that,” Severus asked rather stupidly.

“It’s my quidditch gear. Just the basics: extra set a robes with heating charms in place, goggles, and a pair of gloves. Your frame and hands are a bit smaller than my own, but they are old gear. They should fit just fine. They’re still good too, I just had to get new ones since I didn’t fit them anymore.”

  
Inside was just as Potter said. The only thing that was disturbing was that the robes were red in colored and had the name POTTER embroidered at the back. Severus glared at the offending garment. Potter wouldn’t have given it to him if he didn’t think it was useful nor would he have given it to him if he thought anyone would see his name. It would be highly suggestive and that wasn’t something that Severus wanted to be on the receiving end of in the terms of gossip. He was at the end of it enough as it was. He didn’t want to amplify it more than needed.

  
Severus supposed that he could just spell it a different color or glamour it to hide the name, but Quidditch robes were usually made to withstand some spells to prevent cheating and harm from opposing teams. He didn’t think they would have the charms to prevent glamours, but Black and Potter had once spelled the Slytherins robes to mismatch patterns that had distract them and lead to Gryffindor winning the match. They were, of course, suspended for the rest of the season, but he was sure that all robes since then were made to prevent it from happening again.  Still, the implication it would cause. Several members of the Quidditch team would allow their significant other to wear their uniforms to show possession. If anybody where to see Severus with these robes on, it would imply that he was owned by Potter or at the very least that they were dating.

  
When Severus looked up, Potter was blushing. He clearly came to the same conclusion that Severus did, but he didn’t say anything. No regrets he supposed. Didn’t mean that Severus liked it. He was going to say thank you when Potter cleared his throat.

  
“I wasn't sure if they were going to offer you a broom. They should. I was going to give you mine, but it would be suspicious enough if it looked like you had one. They would know you knew about the task and I don’t know what consequences are for such a thing. The other stuff, they should mind. It’s basic stuff that could be used for anything.” Besides the robes. They both thought it, but neither one said anything.

  
Severus sighed. This was going to be a long day.


	9. Chasing a Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 9
> 
>  
> 
> Hey guys, I just came back from break and I wrote a chapter for you guys before doing my actual homework :) . I already started the next chapter, so you could be expecting another update soon! I'm not very good at fight scenes so hopefully this isn't terrible.

Chapter 9

It was time. Both Lily and Potter had already left with the rest of them. Lily had given him a long, bone-crushing hug before she left and Potter was going to do the same before he just stretched out his hand. Severus looked at it distrustfully, memories of what happen last time he grabbed someone’s hand filled his head. Potter swallowed visibly when Severus silently refused to shake his hand and awkwardly set it down.

“Good luck,” he said and Severus nodded in reply, watching as they both made their way with the rest of the students and disappear via portkey.  

Severus sighed heavily and slowly made his way to the Great Hall. The halls never felt so empty and it left a dreadful feeling in the pits of his stomach.

It took a while for him to get there and it wasn’t surprising to find that he was the last one to arrive. When he opened the doors, everyone was already in there, waiting for him. Bernard was pacing where the Gryffindor table usually sits, but he stopped and smiled when he saw him come in. Severus could see that the smile was forced and there was worry in his eyes. He played it well, but Severus could recognize that look a mile away. Ivanov was better off. He looked calm. When their eyes met, Ivanov smirked at him and started to talk to his headmaster in Russian.

“Severus, glad you could make it,” said Dumbledore. “We were beginning to worry that you weren’t coming, my dear boy. Come on now, we are very late.”

Dumbledore placed a hand on Severus’s back and led him to the High Table where several things laid across it. Severus repressed a shudder. Severus knew that Dumbledore didn’t like that he was a Champion. He saw it clear as day when he was chosen that night. Dumbledore had wanted to talk to him about it, but something always came up that prevented him from proposing a meeting with the old git. Eventually, Dumbledore will make his ideas known to Severus. Until then, Severus tried to avoid the man as much as he could. He didn't trust Dumbledore as far he could throw him.

When Severus got close to the table, his eyes caught the sight of brooms, boots, warm clothes, gloves, and watches. All of the other champions stared curiously at them, particularly at the brooms. Bernard had noticeably untensed when he saw them. None of them knew what the task was, but Bernard was fairly confident in his flying abilities.  Severus frowned in response.

“Here you will see all the things that you will need. Except for you Severus, you seem to be well prepared with the exception of the broom,” said Dumbledore has his eyes lingered closely to the red Quidditch robes.

Everyone looked at Severus, but he refused to take the bait and chose to not respond. An awkward silence took the room as the other Headmasters started at him with distrust before Dumbledore clapped and started to talk again.

“Yes, well. Here is a broom, “said Dumbledore as he gestured towards the dark brown one on the far right. “I think all of you are wondering what it is for.”

“Flying,” said Ivanov as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Idiot.

“Yes, but for what,” snarked Severus. Dumbledore ignored Severus’s last comment and continued to gesture and talk about each object on the table until the Minister finally got to the point.

“As Ivanov had pointed out, you will be using the brooms for flying to try and get these,” said the Minister of Magic as he opened his hand had showed them three miniature scrolls. “You will be flying at Buachaille Etive Mor in a blizzard. There will be three checkpoints,” he said as gestured to a map that appeared out of nowhere. There was a clear path that traced along the ridges of the mountain with three red dots spread out evenly across the mountains range. “At each one, there will be one scroll for each of you. It is not mandatory for you to obtain these scrolls, but they do provide insight for the next task.  Should you choose you to go after them, know that there is a time limit. Buachaille Etive Mor is a very dangerous mountain that is prone to whiteout conditions where you will not be able to tell the difference between the ground and the sky. It is also very prone to avalanches. You will have forty-five minutes to reach each stop before a storm will rage and destroy everything in its wake. Trust me, you do not want to be caught in it. Should you be, you will freeze to death and your body will remain there forever. Your task is simple. Get to the other side of the mountain before the time is up.”

“One more thing,” continued Dumbledore. “Do not think yourself clever enough to escape the storm. There are magical set boundaries that keep muggles out and you in. You will not be able to escape the mountain until you reach the end so do not try, you will just waste time. That is all, you have fifteen minutes to prepare before you are sent to the front of the lines.”

Severus was going to hit Potter when he saw him. A race. The first task was a _race_ in a _storm_. He could barely fly a broom in normal conditions, let alone in fuckin blizzard. He was going to kill him.

Severus angrily grabbed the dark broom that Dumbledore had left on the table. It was the one closest to Potter’s broom and that one he was most comfortable with. Severus scowled when he thought of Potter again. Sure, he taught him how to fly a broom but not under these conditions. The only relief he got was seeing that Bernard was no better than he was. Whatever relief Bernard had was now gone and he looked a bit pale as he changed into the warmer clothes provided.  

The only dreadful thought was that this was completely in Ivanov’s element. He looked ecstatic as he conversed with his headmaster. This was definitely to his advantage. Severus would have to watch out for him, he didn’t know what he could pull. Throughout the whole time that he has been at Hogwarts, Severus couldn’t figure him out. He was popular from his school and the girls stared at him with dreamy looks, but there was not a lot known about him. Even the tidbits of information that Lily had gotten took weeks of getting. If the look he was giving, he must be better at flying than they all thought. Yes, Severus was definitely going to have to keep an eye on him.

Severus looked down at the red robes he was wearing. At least, these will protect him better than the robes provided by the Minister.  Despite the color, the protection and warmth they offer him will help him. At least Potter did this much.

It wasn’t long before time was up and all of them were standing in a circle around an innocent worn pillow. Severus raised a brow when he looked at it.

“Yes,” began the Minister. “Prepare yourselves. As soon as you let go of the portkey, the match will officially begin.” Severus looked at Bernard and Ivanov, they were both looking at the pillow. This is it.

None of them spoke as all three of them clutch the pillow. "Three...two..."counted the Minister, his eyes glued to the pillow like the rest of them, “one..." It happened immediately. The sudden jerk of the portkey had nearly made Severus let it go. He could see Bernard and Ivanov with him as a howl of wind blew around them. It felt like they were in a tornado. The blending of shapes and colors filled his sight and it made him a little sick. Then, his feet met the ground and Severus collapsed to the ground and had accidently pulled Bernard down with him in the haze of his confusion. When Severus looked up, he saw Ivanov had already began to zoom with his broom, losing sight of him in seconds.

There was a strong breeze that left Severus breathless and freezing; the snow taking most of Severus’s sight. He quickly rose and pushed off the snow and placed the goggles that Potter had given him over his eyes. Bernard remained on the ground, groaning in pain. There was a bit of blood on the snow, Bernard had scraped his hand across the sharp rocks of the mountain. At least it wasn’t his head or an eye. Nothing too damaging.

 Ivanov already had a head start and Severus needed to go now. Quickly, Severus called his broom that had fallen quite far and was pleased when it came to him. Positioning himself, Severus flew off without a hitch.

The winds were strong and he could barely see a foot in front of him. His whole body was cold and he could barely feel his fingers. He was sure if he was wearing anything else, he would have frostbite. Despite the ugly color, the robes worked perfectly, keeping him warm enough to function.

It was hard flying, each push of the wind threatening to take him off the broom. Severus had no idea how high he was or if he was near anything dangerous. He couldn't literally crash into anything and he wouldn’t see it before it was too late. He didn’t know where he was going. There was no guide other than the watch that told him the time. He had twenty-five minutes to make it to the first point if he wanted the scroll. Twenty-five minutes before the first part of the blizzard came. It was only going to get worse from here.

Up head, Severus could see a dull blue light glow in the distance. He shouldn’t trust it, it could be a trap. But he didn’t have anything else going for him. Hopefully, it was the checkpoint.

As he got closer, there was a roaring whoosh that sounded next to him. It almost sounded like thunder-

 Severus nearly screamed as a lightning bolt shot itself right in front him. He barely stopped the broom in time.

Severus sat still, one hand clutching the broom and the other clutching his throat and chest. He couldn’t breathe. He almost got hit by lighting. He almost _died_.  

“Fuck…” he said has he tried to calm his racing heart.

 _Boom._ The sound scared Severus. Another one was coming and he had no idea where. His eyes sought the blue glow again. At a quick glance, Severus had seventeen minutes to get to the first checkpoint. Gripping the handle of the broom. Severus sped off towards the light, almost getting hit by another bolt of lightning. The winds were screaming and clawing at his skin, trying to pull him back. The snow covered his goggles and he was practically flying blind. Severus tried to wipe it off, but it would just cover itself in snow again. He kept going. He was almost there.

He could see the light more clearly, its brightness being the only thing he could see. As he got closer, he saw a lone figure standing next to the lamp post. It was Ivanov. He had just about grabbed a scroll and was taking out his wand, getting ready to destroy the other scrolls. But before he could, Severus shot a spell that caught Ivanov off guard. Instantly, Ivanov turned around and aimed a spell at Severus who was barely able to dodge it, nearly losing control of the broom. Ivanov fired another spell and Severus had to let go of the broom to deflect the spell, causing him to fall into the snow.

A ringing sound filled his ears and his eyes were blurry. He could barely feel his skin, but there was something warm dripping at the left side of his cheek. It was blood. Severus struggled to scramble to his feet. Barely making it to his knees before Ivanov stood in front of him, a wand point at his face. Neither of them said a word. Severus could see his wand was right under Ivanov’s left foot.

This was it, Severus thought. He was going to kill him. Severus closed his eyes and waited for something to hit him, but then something else happened. A jet of blue light flew and Ivanov fell forward and landed in front of Severus. Looking up, Severus saw Bernard standing a few yards away with his wand pointed where Ivanov had once stood.

They stared at each other carefully, unsure of what the other would do. But Bernard broke the silence with a grin.

“Wouldn’t want anything to happen to you sweetheart,” he said before he rushed back to the lamp post and took a scroll. Giving Severus one final look, he blew him a kiss.

“Race you to the next checkpoint,” and he was gone, flying away. Severus stood up and looked at his watch. _Nine minutes_. Looking down, Severus could see that Ivanov wasn’t out cold. Bernard had hit him with a stunning spell.

Severus had really wanted to leave him there, to let him freeze to death. Nothing short of what he deserves he told himself. Severus had walked towards the post and grabbed his own scroll and placed it safety in the inner pockets of the robes. For a split second, guilt filled Severus, but he shook those thoughts away.  The spell last for ten minutes. That was enough time for the spell to wear off and to give Ivanov the time he needed to flee if he could. Suitable punishment Severus concluded and he rushed to the next point.

In thirty minutes, Severus had made it to the next point. Bernard was nowhere to be found and neither was Ivanov. When Severus landed, a scroll was already missing which meant that one of them had already been here. Severus took his and got ready to fly off it. It wasn’t bad coming to the second checkpoint. The storm dwindling far behind. It was probably still chasing Ivanov to keep him in its clutches. Severus still had fifteen minutes until it would make its way to the second post and an hour before it made its way to the third one.

After a few minutes of flying blindly once again, the wind had picked up and there was more snow in the air now. Before Severus knew it, the storm had caught up with him. Looking behind him, he saw a shadow figure racing behind him. It was Ivanov again. A bolt of red light flew towards him, except this time Severus was ready. Instantly, Severus blocked the spell and began to fly faster. The storm was chasing them now. Another spell flew past him, almost hitting him this time, but he was able to change directions before it could touch him. Ivanov wasn’t giving up and he too flew faster, flying side by side him now.

Ivanov had budded Severus on the side with his bigger frame, nearly throwing Severus off the broom. Severus tighten his grip on the broom as he was pushed in a wall. The rugged points of the mountain scrapped his sides and caused the robes to shred and make him bleed. Severus bit back a groan before he threw a spell at Ivanov, but he blocked it.

Simultaneously, they both threw a spell. Their magic clashing against each other for a few seconds before it broke apart. A sudden rush filled Severus has he tried to fly faster. He could barely make out a blue glow before Ivanov threw another spell at him, but Severus flew upward before it could touch him.

It was storming harder now and the lighting had return. Ivanov had tried to fly closer to him but he flew back when a bolt of lightning shot right between them. Severus could feel the heat of it burn his skin, even from the distance.

The air was hard to breath, filled with electricity and magic. As they got closer to the third checkpoint, Bernard was about to fly off until he caught sight of him. He frowned instantly and a thunderous look graced his features when he saw Ivanov trailing right behind Severus. Before anyone of them could do anything, a bolt of lightning met the top of the peak. All three of them watch in horror has snow began to rush down quickly. An avalanche was forming. Their petty game was over as they all tried to out race it, but a rock had hit the back of Bernard broom and he began to fall.

Oh, how Severus wanted to leave him there, but a life for a life. Severus was magic bound to him; a life debt had formed. If there was one thing that Severus hated more than anything, it was owing somebody something.  Severus nearly screamed in anger as he shot down after him, grabbing his hand.

Severus was not strong and he could feel Bernard’s hand slip from his, but Bernard was able to hoist himself upwards and shouted into his ear.

“Go!” he cried, gripping his hands around Severus’s waist as they both flew away from the snow. It was very difficult, but every time that Severus wasn’t quick enough to duck or turn, Bernard immediately pushed his body against Severus’s and would jerk the broom out of the way. The rushing of snow was hot on their tails and Severus almost feared that they wouldn’t make it.

Ivanov was nowhere to be seen. Hopefully this time it would stay that way.

It took time, but they eventually found themselves at the end of the mountain range. There were several stands of people wearing warm clothing and cheering them on when they came into sight. Severus felt exhausted and had crashed landed on the snow with Bernard falling right on top of him. Suddenly a ding had ranged out, signaling the end of the first task.

Immediately the storm had let up and the sky was blue and the air was warmer. Lily and Potter had rushed forward. Lily wrapped him in a warm blanket and cupped his cheeks as she looked for any head injuries. Potter on the other hand had practically kicked Bernard off Severus before he kneeled next to Lily in front of Severus. Severus spared him a quick glance and saw worry in Potter’s eyes, but he looked away as he bit back a wince when Lily touched the back of his head. There was blood on her hand.

“Severus!” she cried, but Severus didn’t hear her. His vision was fading and black spots began to overtake him. The last thing he felt was something strong and firm grab him before he was out.   

 


	10. The Bastard That Just Won't Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 10
> 
> Hey y'all, so a lot of you guys have been wanting to see the perspective of other characters and I thought it was a great idea. It allowed me to put in a few scenes that I needed to put in and provided a standpoint for other characters since I mainly write in Severus's point of view. I was originally going to just update a chapter I had already written with Severus's point of view and decided to write this chapter in Sirius's point of view instead which is why it took a lot longer for me to update than usual. I will be updating tomorrow for the original chapter 10 so look forward to that. As always, enjoy!

Chapter 10

Sirius couldn’t understand it. No matter how many times he thought about it, he just couldn’t see or find a reason as to why James was acting different towards Snivellus. He gave him a hard look during dinner the first day back and he was still his same disgusting self, greasy hair and all.

There was literally nothing different about him, at least nothing that Sirius could see that would make James act differently towards him.  

He tried to talk to Remus about it, but he wasn’t much help either.

“What is it?” cried Sirius. They were in the Gryffindor common room and Sirius was pacing in front of the burning fire. Remus was watching him, looking a bit sick and tired. It was the full moon a few days ago and he wasn’t feeling his usual self yet.

“I mean, come on! We haven’t played a single prank on him, not since the end of last year.”

“Maybe that’s why,” Remus said, giving him a hard stare. Guilt filled Sirius, but he shot it down in anger.

“With what? With last year? Come on Remus, the bastard had it coming. If he didn’t mind his own damn business than he wouldn’t have been in danger in the first place.”

 “No Sirius, that’s not how that works.” Neither James nor Remus had forgiven him for what he did to Snape last year. Remus, he could understand. He was such a caring guy that it would have killed him to know he attacked another student, even if that student was a Death Eater like Snape. And because what would happen to him if his plan had worked.  It was the only reason why he felt any guilt about it at all. It had nothing to do with Snape. The bastard was evil and dark. Sirius quite frankly thought he was doing everyone a favor by taking out a Death Eater before he did anything dangerous or damaging. However, neither James nor Remus saw it that way. As soon as James had found out what he did, he raced to save Snape.

 It was the first time Sirius was actually surprised with James. When he told him, he thought he would laugh and congratulate him on being so smart. But the horror that filled James’s eyes was something that Sirius would never be able to forget. He watched as James paled, fear taking over him before he pushed Sirius away and ran out the room. He called for him, but it was too late.

The next day, James refused to talk to him. He walked right passed him during breakfast and didn’t sit next to him during class. Remus was confused with the change in their relationship since he didn’t really remember what happened during his transformations. Remus had asked if anything happened, but Sirius didn’t answer. After a week of being ignored by James, Sirius couldn’t take it anymore and had confronted James about it.

“ _What’s the problem_?” yelled James when Sirius asked him after dinner. James got red with anger. “The problem is that you sent Snape to get eaten by Remus! You not only risk the life of Snape, who, by the way, we agreed to no longer play pranks on,” Sirius scoffed at that. _James_ was the one who said they shouldn’t prank him anymore, Sirius did not such thing. He was going to tell him so, but James kept going. “But you also risked Remus as well. Are you just stupid or completely mad? Do you have _any_ idea what they would have done to Remus? They would have killed him. I know that we used to bully Snape and it was fun while it lasted, but we need to grow the hell up. This shit won’t stand outside of Hogwarts. You are so lucky that Dumbledore didn’t kick you out or that Snape didn’t rat out that Remus was a werewolf and had almost killed him. Merlin, you are so stupid. Do you have no human decency? Playing a prank is one thing, but staging a _murder_ is something completely different Sirius.”

James had practically run out of the room, leaving everyone in shock. Never had they thought that James would yell at Sirius over someone like Snape. Remus was on the brink of tears, hyperventilating from shock. It was only when Sirius saw Remus did he see his mistake. Remus could have died if James didn’t save Snape in time and it would have been his fault.  But that was the only reason that Sirius saw it as a problem.

Ever since that day, they have been walking on eggshells. James didn’t talk to him and Sirius didn’t try to talk to him either for the rest of the year. It hurt him that his best friend, practically a brother, had chosen Snape over him. He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. It felt like James was a complete stranger in that moment. Sirius would admit that it was kind of his fault and that he let Snivellus get the better of him and let him make a dumb decision like revealing Remus’s secret. But he just couldn't help it! It was because of that damn lesson! Sirius was sure of it.  If Sirius really had to pick a time that James started to change, it would have to be that damn lesson that they had in their Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

 It wasn’t meant to be anything different. It was just supposed to be another lesson, but Professor Warlock had thought it be best that they practice the Patronus Charm. It wasn’t going to be a full-blown lesson, just a quick discussion as a preparation for the end of the year and next year exams. It started off simple, with just an explanation of what it was and how it was done. But everyone got really into the lesson and they wanted to see if they would be able to do the spell correctly.

Only seven students were able to make a very visible apparition of their Patronus spirit. Naturally, James, Sirius, Remus, and Lily were part of that group. Everyone was in awed at the beauty of their animals. James had looked a bit smug when Lily had a doe that matched his buck.

It clearly showed that they were meant to be together, and he said as much. Both Remus and Sirius elbowed each other in amusement. But then Lily had done the same with Snape, elbowing his side when he refused to even try the spell. They all joked that he wouldn’t even get a wisp of light or smoke since he was a dirty snake and wouldn’t be able to even cast a powerful light spell like the Patronus Charm. Reluctantly, Snape casted the charm and in a bright light, brighter than all the others, Severus had created a beautiful doe. The spell was so strong that it was completely full of light, almost as if the doe was real and solid.

It had walked towards its creator, budding her head against Snape’s arm before it walked towards Lily and her doe and doing the same. All the girls had ‘awed’ and cooed at the cute display. James had a frown on his face and had that look in his eye when he was thinking of something very carefully and thoroughly. It was only when Snape’s doe had walked towards the direction of James’s buck, who stood straighter and practically puffed its chest, displaying itself proudly, that James snapped out of his thoughts.

Everyone watched in amazement as Snape’s doe barely gave James’s buck a glance and walked right passed him towards the other students, sniffing them in contemplation. The buck was hurt, which showed as it almost sagged in sadness if they could even do that, and tried to get the doe’s attention, which it did, much to everyone’s surprise and to some people's discouragement. They nuzzled each other causing a jolt of electricity to run in both James’s and Snape's body, making them both to blush simultaneously. It was only when Snape shakily called his doe back had the enchanting moment ended.

Everyone was still amazed at what happen. The teacher was quite shock since he has never heard of such a thing happening. Sirius had frowned when it had ended. Sending a quick glance towards James who wasn't much better. His face was stoic and his eyes were glazed. It was a look that Sirius didn't see often from James and never knew how to approach it.

When class had ended, they walked in an awkward silence until Peter had made a bad joke and then everything was fine again. Everything went back to the way it was, except it didn't.

Ever since that moment, James became more distant and didn't want to play as many pranks as he did before, especially on Snape. He would watch Snape, Sirius noticed, during classes and during meals with a look Sirius couldn't identify. Sirius had thought he was losing his best friend which is why it was such a relief that James had cast a spell on that fateful afternoon. It brought Sirius such joy that James was back to his ways despite that it didn't quite reach his eyes and his smile seemed a bit force.  

Everyone watched and chanted at them when James had spelled Snape upside down. Sirius laughed and then spelled his pants down. Snape hissed like the snake he is and tried to break free from the spell mind alone since he had dropped his wand. It didn't work of course. It was only when the lovely Miss Evans came to his rescue that their fun ended.

She yelled and screamed at them until James released him, but before Lily could even ask Snape if he was okay, he spitefully cursed at her.

“I don't need the help of a mudblood,” he said angrily. It was such a sweet surprise to see, thought Sirius. Snape had shown his true colors in that moment and Lily was finally able realize that he was just no good.  It was a historic moment.

Sirius saw a pain expression take James’s face. He assumed it was because his dear Lily had looked so distraught, but now he wasn't so sure. Sirius had wanted to talk about it since Snape was no longer in his way and that he must be ecstatic now that he has Lily (since they were practically dating then), but James never spoke a word of it and had started to hang out with Lily more often since then. It hurt then that they weren't hanging out as much as they used to, but Sirius let him have his fun since James has been dreaming of this moment since he first laid eyes on Lily. It still hurt though. Of course, he had Remus and Peter, but it just wasn't the same.

Since Snape was no longer a problem and there wasn't an actual need to contact him, they unofficially agreed to not do anything to him.

“Allow him to weep in his misery,” James said. It was a good idea and Sirius didn't see anything wrong with it and he had silently agreed to it. Even if the look in James’s eye didn't sit well with him. Remus saw it too and had asked if anything was up with him, but Sirius just said he didn't know and Peter shrugged his shoulders in agreement.

It was fine for bit. However, Sirius was a bit of attention whore and got a bit lonely when James started to spend all his free time with Lily, Remus spent his time studying for exams and preparing for the full moon coming in the next few days, and Peter going who knows where doing who knows what. Which is why it seemed like it was such a good idea to go bother Snape.

He should've known better than to go at him alone. Snape was a dirty snake, but he was a powerful dirty snake which is why Snape had him in a magical bound in a matter of minutes. Sirius had offered Snape the secret he was dying to know in exchange for him to release him and the bastard believed him. He told him of course, to go to the Whomping Willow and how to bypass its destructive nature. Even if Snape didn’t trust him, Sirius knew that he would be too curious to not investigate.

Sirius, which he gladly points out, had warned him to not go tonight since it was going to be a full moon. Some part of Sirius knew that Snape wouldn’t listen and would go in spite since he told him not to, but he thought it would serve him right and told him anyway.

Ever since that moment, things just weren’t the same. Even now, after a whole summer away from each other, things just didn’t stand the way they used to. James still talked to him, but he always seemed a bit nervous and often avoided certain topics like Lily and Snape. Peter was acting strangely too, he wasn’t sitting with them or hanged out with them anymore like he used to. Most days, Sirius didn’t see him at. It was like he vanished. The only one who was the same was Remus, but he often gave him a disappointed look whenever he did something he wasn’t supposed to.

It just didn’t feel right. Their gang was falling apart and Sirius just got so angry that the only people he cared about were leaving him. And it was all Snape’s fault which is why he sought him out on the very first day back on the train, but it didn’t work as plan. James still sent Snape those looks when he thought nobody was watching. It brought fear to Sirius since he hoped those looks weren’t what he thought they were. When he talked to Remus about it, who was the only person he really talked to these days, he just said the same thing he always did.

“James doesn’t see Snape the way he used to. He spent a lot of time thinking about what he’s done to him and reflected on that at the end of the new year. He just wants to leave him alone and I think it will be best that you do too. It won’t do anybody any favors to keep tormenting Snape. I think we all outgrew that phase in our lives. Just let it go.”

Just let go he says, as if. But Sirius did try. His actions eventually lead him to talking to James again, as rocky as it was, but it was better than before. Sirius thought he was doing a good job at it and it got even better when Dumbledore announced the Triwizard Tournament. Oh, how excited they were. It brought a feeling that Sirius thought was lost. Him and James spoke every day, coming up with different ideas of what the task would be, who the other champions would be, and they would argue which one between them would represent Hogwarts. It was great up until that moment that Dumbledore called out Snape’s name. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it.

“He bloody well cheated,” Sirius screamed. “He used some dark magic to get his name called.”

Several students murmured in agreement with him, but James wasn’t one of them. He had that look in his eye again and his face was frozen and empty. Sirius watched as James looked at Snape and Snape was looking right back.

Ever since then, James started to hang out with the bastard and with Lily. ‘Helping him with tournament,’ he said. Remus thought it was a great idea, a way to ‘make amends’ he said like a proud parent, but Sirius didn’t see it that way. He watched in anger he lost his best friend to Snape, which is why he confronted him that day at Hagrid’s hut.

James stopped him of course. A whole conversation had gone by between them in a matter of seconds. Sirius couldn’t believe that he really picked Snivels over him.

At the first task, Sirius somewhat hoped he wouldn’t make it pass the first task, but the bloody bastard just won’t die and had made it through. Even though he passed out the first second he got there, Sirius watched in disbelief as James picked him up and rushed him to the medical tent.

There had to be _something_ that he just wasn’t seeing because to him, Snape will always be that vile snake who hated muggles and played with dark magic, just like the rest of those evil Slytherins.

           

 


	11. White Sheets and the Hospital Wing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 11
> 
>  
> 
> Hey guys, here's the next chapter as promised. I'm not exactly sure what the time frame is for this story, but the first task was meant to be the first week of November, so this chapter is the second week of November. I'm really excited for the text few chapters since they will focus on the Yule Ball. I'm so excited, I already have a good chunk of it written out already. Anyway, enjoy! I'll try to update on Tuesday or maybe earlier if I get enough time.

Chapter 11

When Severus had opened his eyes, he was blinded by a white light. After a few moments of squinting, his eyes adjusted and realization hit him. He was in the infirmary. The smell of hospitals and the terrible bed was the only indication he needed.  Slowly, Severus tried to sit up, but it hurt too much and he fell back with a pain gasp. Looking down, he could see he wasn’t wearing a shirt since there were bandages with dried blood wrapped over his whole torso. To his right, both Lily and Potter were sleeping on chairs as they leaned against each other in an uncomfortable position. Surprisingly, there were cards and some gifts on the table next to them, all addressed to him.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Lily eventually opened her eyes sleepily, but was wide awake as soon as she saw that Severus was awake. She elbowed Potter who groaned and swatted her away before she did it again and he finally opened his eyes. They both stood up, a little too quickly since Lily stumbled and accidentally pushed Potter back into his seat to keep her balance. Lily rushed forward and hugged him. Potter made his way right afterwards.

 Lily was crying and Potter sat on the bed, just watching him. When Lily pulled away, Severus could see that they looked tired and Lily’s hair was all messed up. She gave him a small smile and looked like she was going to cry again. Clearing his throat, Severus spoke in a raspy voice.

 “What happened?”

 “We were hoping you would tell us that,” said Potter. “As soon as you landed with _Bernard,_ ” he said with a venomous voice, “you were on the ground bleeding. I picked you up and took you to the medical tent. You had deep gashes across your sides and was bleeding a lot. Madam Pomfrey said you lost a lot of blood, but she gave you the potions to remedy it. Bernard wasn’t much better, but most of the blood on him was from you. It was ghastly, everyone thought you died.”

Lily nodded her head in agreement. Severus knew where the gashes came from, when he was pushed into the mountain, but he didn't know that it caused so much damaged. The task was a lot more dangerous than he thought it was going to be. He knew he would have died if Bernard hadn't saved him. They then asked him what happened and he told him.

“I’m going to kill him,” they both said together. They were talking about Ivanov. Severus couldn't really figure why Ivanov had gone and attack him. Sure, he threw the first spell and they are in a competitive tournament, but he was going to destroy the other scrolls and there was no real motivation or reason to kill him unless he's just a dark bastard. No, there has to be another reason. He didn't attack Bernard until he got in the way. Ivanov’s eyes were set on him and Severus couldn't figure out why. The whole thing reeked of Slytherin scheming, but Ivanov wasn't a Slytherin. He lacked the intelligence and cunning creativity to create a scheme like that.  Severus didn't really get a chance to talk about it since Lily interrupted his thoughts.

“You got second place, you know. Louis Bernard got first and Ivanov got third. Even though you brought Bernard, he had gotten all three scrolls and they give him bonus points for it. They gave you some too which is why you're in second for saving him. Ivanov came in first, but he ended up in third. Neither him nor his headmaster were happy about it. They demanded a recount, but the results were final.”

It brought some burning satisfaction that Ivanov got in third, but not much. The dread still filled him.

 Potter cleared his throat and opened his hand. There lied two scrolls.

“Madam Pomfrey gave me these to give to you. We didn't look at them. We were waiting for you to get better.”

Potter passed the scrolls to Severus’s waiting hand. His fingers had slightly brushed against his and it brought a chill inside him. Severus gave a ragged, sharp breath the same time Potter did.

Lily watched the exchange with confusion, but she just helped Severus sit up. She passed him a cup of water and helped him drink it when she realized it hurt him too much.

Both Potter and Lily watched him expectedly. After a quick second of hesitation, Severus uncorked the case and slid out the scrolls. Carefully, Severus unrolled it and confusion filled him.

“It's blank”

There were no blemishes or a single drop of ink. It was just parchment.  

Severus handed it to Lily and watched as she and Potter looked at it. Severus opened the other one and it too was also blank. Lily grabbed that one and passed the other one to Potter who flipped it over and placed it above his head to see if it needed light, but there was nothing.

“It's blank,” Potter repeated dumbly.

“But it can't be blank,” said Lily. “Why go through all the trouble for just blank scrolls? There has to be a trick. A spell? An enchantment maybe? There has to be something.”

 But there wasn’t anything that they could think off. They bounced ideas with each other until it became fruitless. Lily was right. There was something, but they just didn’t know what it was. Severus found it funny in a dark way. He nearly died twice for those scrolls and it was useless.

 At first, Severus had sent Potter a look and when Lily caught it, she sent Potter the same look. Potter put his hands up in surrender.

 “Don’t look at me that way. I don’t know what it could be. I can’t help you. The first one was luck, this time we are going in blind.”

 Useless, thought Severus. As much as it bothered them, Lily didn’t let it get to them and she started to tell Severus all things he’s been missing. That was, until, it hit Severus that he’s been out for a week.

“It was really bad. You lost a lot of blood and you hit your head. If it wasn’t for magical medicine, you could be dead right now,” Potter told him. “It would have taken any other wizard at least two weeks to get better, but, according to Madam Pomfrey, she theorized that your magical core helped speed up the process.”

It was possible. Severus had read a lot about magical theory and the connection and powers the magical core was capable of, but there were only a few times that a magical core was strong enough to heal the body faster than actual medicine. It was rare. That’s why potions exist, it gives the body a boost to help it heal since the magical core is usual incapable or not strong enough to heal the body. Damage to the core itself was worse than any body damage could ever be. It could result in the loss of magic, soul damage, and even death. It wasn’t a risk anyone took.

 The only time a magical core was used was when lovers and or close relatives had given their own magic to help the process, but they would have to be really close. Practically soulmates. Not even magic created bonds were strong enough. It had to be natural, created from actual birth and not created through a ritual, even if it was a blood ritual. Severus couldn’t even explain the process even if he tried. The whole thing was pretty complex despite the fact it was rather “easy” to do. From what he’s read, they only need to be in close proximity, touch being the strongest and fastest outcome. But it wasn’t possible. As close as Lily and Severus were, they weren’t soulmates. She could have unintentionally transferred some of her magic over to him, but even that was unlikely. Transferring magic didn’t work like trading cards. It was a lot more like blood. They would have to be exact same type. His body would have rejected hers. It just wasn’t possible.  Confusion had shown on his face.

“That’s what I thought too,” said Potter. “It’s rare for it to happen unless…” _soulmates were involved_ had practically went unsaid. An awkward silence had been brought up and Lily became a little nervous.

“Hey Sev, look at the gifts that people brought you,” she said as she gestured towards to the table from earlier. There were five cards (one from Lily, her parents, Potter, McGonagall, and Dumbledore), five sets of his favorite candy (from the same people), and a whole vase of flowers that consisted of daisies, lilies, and one rose.

“Those are from Bernard,” Potter said with some heat in his tone. “He was here as much as we were.”

“He always made sure to see you before supper and bed. And often stayed after classes to do his homework. I thought it was rather sweet.”

“That’s one sick version of it,” Potter mumbled.

They continued to chat until Madam Pomfrey came in and shewed them away to let Severus rest.

Whatever the next task was, Severus would figure it out and he will be ready for it.

 


	12. Love Confessions at Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 12
> 
>  
> 
> Whoa, a new chapter in a matter of hours! And a long one too! I'm really excited to write about the Yule Ball, you guys have no idea. This chapter has a lot of Louis and Severus moments to some of you guys pleasure. But fret not for the James/Severus fans out there. James will have his moment in the next chapter, but that one won't come until Tuesday. Look forward to it. As always, enjoy! :)

Chapter 12

It had been three days since Severus woke up and not once had Bernard come and visit him. When Severus had asked Lily, not that he was particularly _concern_ for Bernard’s sudden disappearance _,_ but he still wanted to know since they claimed that he would visit him often when he was knocked out. Yet, ever since he woke up, he never visited him at all.

Lily blushed and stammered out a change of subject. She would fiddle with her fingers and would look anywhere but him. Severus was, for the lack of a better word, suspicious. It didn’t help that when he asked Potter the same question, he almost looked proud and would say the same thing.

“He’s a little busy at the moment and won’t be able to see you for a while. He sends his best.”

The whole thing was particular. It didn’t sit well with him which is why Severus sought him out the moment that he was released from the infirmary. Despite Potter’s reasoning that he shouldn’t be conversing with the enemy, Severus would just rebuttal that he needs to talk to him about the first task. It was all highly suspicious. There was no good reason for Bernard to help him out other than he needed something from him or to make Severus become unsuspecting of him. He needed to know where he stands and if Severus could trick him into revealing anything about the scrolls to which Potter would shut up and let him be. However, Severus didn’t quite make it that far and was promptly stopped by Professor McGonagall.

“Mr. Snape, a word please,” she said as he was on his way to the lake were Severus saw Bernard make his way towards from the second-floor window. Severus agreed, reluctantly, and allowed himself to be lead to McGonagall’s office.

“First, I hope you are doing well?” she asked and Severus nodded. “Good, well I won’t keep you. As you know, Christmas will be coming in a little over a month and for every Triwizard Tournament, the school will also be hosting the Yule Ball. It is expected and required for you to be present. You, along with the other champions, will be officially opening the ball with the first dance which you and your chosen date will dance the waltz. Afterwards, you can do as you please, but the dance is required and you won’t be able to get out of it.”

She gave him a pointed look since they both knew that he would try his best to avoid it.

 “We usually tell our champions first so that they could prepare ahead of time and get a chance of asking someone so that they have a date and were able to prepare clothing ahead of time. The headmaster will be announcing it the first thing this Saturday so that the students could prepare themselves and let their parents know if they wish to stay for the holidays or go home. That is in three days. You have until then to make a decision unless you wish to compete with the masses for a date.”

McGonagall sent him another look. They both knew that he would rather die than be at the Yule Ball, least of all with a date and having to actually dance. Severus couldn’t even dance, never needing to before this moment. Luckily, he already knew who he would ask and was glad that McGonagall told him ahead of time so that he could ask her first. Severus was going to say thank you before she continued.

“The Minister had also wanted me to pass word that the next task won’t be until the end of February, it is to give you a relaxing period with all the holidays and such. So, you have little bit more time to prepare. That is all.” And he was dismissed. Severus said thank you and left. He looked out the window and saw that Bernard was gone. He had no idea where he had gone and decided that he best and go find Lily.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take him long to find her. He knew exactly where she would be: The Library. She was researching for the second task, the scrolls laid out in front of her with numerous books clouding the desk. Severus smiled despite himself and made his way towards her. Just as he was about to be in her line of vision, Potter came over with his hands filled with books and tomes and had dropped them onto the desk, creating a bit of dust to arise and making them both cough.

Severus’s steps faltered for a split second. Despite the fact that he didn’t really see Potter and Lily display public affection towards one another, that didn’t mean that they weren’t together. There was nothing keeping them apart. Lily was never one for openly displaying her business and had probably asked Potter to do the same. He couldn’t just ask her. Potter might have been ‘nice’ to him this year, but that didn’t mean he would just let Severus ask his girlfriend to the dance. He would kill him.

Before Severus could do much of anything, somebody called him over with a whistle. Looking to his left, Severus saw Bernard sitting at corner with his own scrolls and a book. He was looking at him with a dashing smiled and waved him over. Even though Severus was going to talk to him anyway, he wasn’t exactly in the mood to deal with the flirtatious behavior at the moment, but he didn’t have anywhere else to go at the moment and so he made his way over.

Bernard stood up and Severus feared he would have the guts to hug him, but he simply pulled the other seat and gestured for him to sit down. Ever the gentleman, thought Severus sarcastically and sat down. Bernard pushed him in and sat down in the other seat. He looked beautiful by the way the sun’s light touched his skin and hair, making him glow. His piercing blue eyes were hypnotizing. In that moment, it was no wonder why all the girls had gone completely mad over him. And when he caught those eyes looking at him, Severus would feel his breath leave him, especially when he sent him such a small smile that felt so private, as if it was only for him. Severus had never had someone look at him the way Bernard did, looking at him as if he was the world, like Severus was the one who hung the stars and painted the moon. It was flattering, but looks like those could be deceiving and he shot down all of the unexpected feelings.

“How are you feeling,” Bernard asked. His voice was light and pleasant. “I know you must be feeling well enough since Madame” he said with a French accent,” had released you. But how are _you_ feeling?”

He wasn’t talking about him feeling medically fine, he was referring to the incident with Ivanov.

“Fine,” said Severus simple, narrowing his eyes. “Nothing I haven’t been through before.”

Sadness graced Bernard’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything more on the subject. He was hiding something. Severus might not have known him well, but he could recognize the signs. He wasn’t telling him the whole story, but Severus would let him have his secrets for now.

“I’ve been looking for you,” a smile graced Bernard’s face again at that and Severus bit down the urge to roll his eyes, “I want to talk to you about those.” Severus gestured with a jerk of his head to the scrolls on the table before them.

“Yes,” Bernard said. “I’ve been trying to figure them out ever since the first task. I have come up with nothing. I’m guessing they are blank for you as well?”

Severus didn’t reply, but his silence was answer enough.

“It would appear so,” Bernard continued. “Your friends have been trying to figure it out too.” He gestured towards Lily and Potter who have yet to notice his presence. “They wanted to wait for you and only now have been researching for the reason of their blankness. It is futile. I have already checked all the books they have. There is nothing here that could explain it. There is something that we just don’t know or haven’t tried. It will come to us eventually. Don’t worry your pretty little head,” he said with a wink. Severus was unable to bite down his remark or stop himself from rolling his eyes, but Bernard took it in stride.

“I promise to let you know if anything comes up.”

Severus didn’t offer him the same, but he would give him a hint if Bernard didn’t eventually figure it out. If Ivanov was out to get him, then he would need all the allies he could get. During a task, it was fair game. Almost anything was allowed, even death, Lily told him bitterly after she researched if anything Ivanov had done was allowed. He needed Bernard since it would only be them during a task.

After a few quick words, Severus stood up and started to make his way towards the exit. That was, until, Bernard called him out, earning him a glare from Ms. Pince and capturing the attention of anyone in earshot, including Potter and Lily.

“Do you have a _rancard_ yet? An _amour_ perhaps?”

Severus wasn’t fluent in French, but he knew somethings, and he knew those words. Severus sent him an unpleasant glance and left without a word. Both Lily and Bernard watched him leave, confusion in one and adoration in the other. Potter on the other hand was glaring at Bernard. He knew what those words meant too, and the implication that Bernard was hinting at.

 

* * *

 

It was Friday and Dumbledore would be announcing the Yule Ball tomorrow at breakfast. Severus was sort of freaking out. Bernard’s word ringing in his head. He didn’t really have a lover or date, there was no one he could possibly ask. He might be a Hogwarts Champion, but he was still a Slytherin and no one would go with him.

Severus sighed in annoyance. The least he could do was try and ask Lily which is what he did after their Charms class. It was only them since they had a free period and Potter had detention for the prank he pulled earlier that day. Wonders never cease, thought Severus as he saw Black and Potter run down the hallway, laughing as all the girls and boys in Beauxbatons Academy, now having pink and blue hair, were chasing them down with the intention of murder. Bernard was sporting a blush pink hair and was taking it in stride. Severus suspected that he even liked the color and winked at him before making his way to his first class.

Lily and Severus walked to their usual spot, under the tree by the Lake and began to start on their Potions homework that was due in two days. It took a bit of time, but Severus was able to gather enough courage and ask her.

“Lily?” he asked, watching her write her essay. She hummed in response. “I had a meeting with Professor McGonagall and she told me that Hogwarts would be holding a dance, the Yule Ball, and it was expected for the champions to go with a date and I was wonder i-if you would be my date. That is if you don’t want to go with anyone else.”

Lily had stopped writing and slowly rose her head to meet his. There was a bit of confusion and surprise in her eyes, but she did eventually answer.

“Of course Sev, who else would I go with,” she said with a smile. Severus had all but sagged in relief. He was only slightly surprised that she agreed. “But I didn’t know we were having a ball.”

“They haven’t announced it yet, they will be announcing it tomorrow morning at breakfast. They just let the champions know ahead of time so they could ask first before the masses.”

Lily nodded her head in understanding but it was a bit hesitant. She bit her lip.” You don’t think anyone would ask you?”

Severus scoffed that the answer, “Of course not.”

Lily casted her eyes down and continued to work on her assignment. Neither one spoke of the subject after that.

 

* * *

 

Everything continued like any normal day for the rest of the day. They finished the rest of their work along with Potter before dinner. Ever since Severus started to hang out with Lily and Potter, Severus has been sitting at the Gryffindor table and has been invited to their common room much to his displeasure. But it was for safety reasons. Gryffindors were too righteous to poison him, well maybe except Black, compared to the Slytherins. It probably didn’t help his case with his housemates, but it was for the best, Lily told him. They wouldn’t hesitate and Severus agreed.

Black still sent him dirty looks, but mostly ignored him and Severus did the same. He was mostly too occupied with his discussions with Lily and sometimes Potter if he wasn’t talking to Lupin or Black. It was pleasant. The atmosphere compare to the Slytherin’s table was so open and it allowed him to breath. It was relaxing. Sometimes, Severus would feel mournful that he couldn’t experience every meal like this, with laughter and happiness, but he squashed those thoughts and feelings away. No need to be in the past, there was nothing he could do about it now.

After dinner, they made their way to the Tower and worked on the task. At first, when Severus was first invited, everyone sent him dirty looks with distrustful eyes, but he didn’t let it get to him. After a while, they started to treat him differently. They were still hesitant, but they were a lot more accepting since he never did anything and was always accompanied by Potter, Lily, and sometimes Lupin. Some would even wave at him or nod their heads in greeting. It was surprising and Lily laughed at his shock face.

“I told you, if you just let people see you then they would be a lot more accepting of you. Especially if you’re not brooding in the shadows, practicing dark spells and potions.” Severus had then argued that he didn't _brood_ and they got in a friendly argument after that.

Severus mostly spent his time doing work, talking, and sometimes would even play chess with Lupin. Lupin was very careful in his approach towards Severus. They came to a silent understanding after a few awkward meetings. They weren’t friends, but it was a lot better than having their wands pointed at each other. Black would mysteriously vanish every time he was there, always having something to do or somewhere to be. Severus felt satisfaction that his mere presence had drawn Black away from his own common room, even though Severus didn’t exactly have a right to be there. McGonagall had saw him there once as she was passing through. She rose a brow and had a small quirk of the lip in a smile, but didn’t say anything. That moment alone was the final nail for the Gryffindors. If their own Head of House didn’t have a problem with it, then they didn’t either.

Potter had clapped him against his back like he passed a test. He rolled his shoulders in pain since he wasn’t fully healed yet and Potter muttered an apology. It was quite pleasant, Severus would admit to himself. But at the end of the day, he would still have to sleep in the dungeons. Lily would always give him a scared look and would hug him for what felt like hours as if she would never see him again. Given the actions of his housemates, it very well could be. However, nothing happened. _Yet_. But Severus never had his guard down. Unknown to Severus, Lily would hit Potter as a signal once Severus has passed through the door and Potter would follow Severus under his cloak and with his map to make sure nothing happened to him and that he always made it safely to his chambers. It brought immense relief to Lily and Potter every night.

 

* * *

 

The following morning, Severus chose to get ready slowly and had made his way to breakfast late. By the time he arrived, everyone was in a buzz of excitement. Dumbledore had already announced the Yule Ball and everyone was talking about it. As he made his way towards the Gryffindor table, both Lily and Potter scooted over to make room for him.

It was meant to be a boring breakfast like the rest of them, but nothing seems to be going to plan this year. The calls of howls captured everyone’s attention as they came in with letters and packages. Severus hardly got any letters after his second year when he stopped writing to his mother and never really got anything from anyone else. Sometimes she would sent him something once in a while throughout the year, but she was dead now and there was no one who would sent him a letter. Which is why it was so surprising that a small brown owl had landed right in front of him. Severus was, for the lack of a better word, surprised. He looked to the people sitting around him who shared his shock, but they all shook their heads no to confirm it wasn’t meant for them and Potter had gestured towards the name written on the front.

 _Severus Snape_ was written in a beautiful writing. There was no mistake that it was for him, but he didn’t know from who. He didn’t recognize the handwriting. Grabbing it and giving the owl a treat, it flew away happily. Turning it over, there was a wax seal of a dove, a crown, and a lily. Severus raised an eyebrow in question. He didn’t recognize the family seal either. He grabbed an unused butter knife and lazily sliced the envelope open. Severus was not prepared for what laid in side.

_To My Dear Severus Snape,_

_As of now, everyone will know of the Yule Ball that will be coming next month. I know that we are not close, but I’ve been watching you. You amaze me at every turn. Your quick wit and sharp words have captured my heart. I feel a pull towards you that I cannot fight. And it would bring me great pleasure if you would be my date to the Yule Ball. You don’t have to answer now, but I will await your answer until the break of dawn._

_Yours truly, Louis Bernard_

 

It was bad enough that it was a love letter asking him to the Yule Ball, but it got worse when the letter read itself _out loud_ and clear to _everyone_ in the Great Hall. It was just his luck that everyone decided to not be their loud and annoying selves today to muffle the embarrassing letter. Everyone had heard it.

Unknown to Severus, Potter was glaring at the letter with anger and disdain, but that was mainly because he was too busy glaring at the letter himself. He quickly looked around him and saw that everyone was looking at him in shock surprise. Suddenly, the Great Hall’s doors open and Severus had quickly sent a look that could kill when the man responsible for his troubles had entered. Bernard just started at him sweetly with a wide smile and had the gall to wink at him.

Severus could have sworn he heard several dreamy sighs all around him. Severus just scoffed in reply and rolled his eyes. What did he take him for? He wasn’t some girl that he could sweep off his feet. Severus decided that he was just going to ignore Bernard’s…. _advances_. He shuddered at the thought.

Severus stuffed the letter into an empty juice cup and took out his wand.

“Incendio,” he said. The letter erupted into flames, quickly turning it to ash. A couple of students sitting near him jumped in surprise from the sudden burst of flames. Severus ignored them and was going to continue eating the rest of his breakfast.

At least, that was what he was going to do until he looked down at his eggs. His frown deepened when he saw gold words write themselves elegantly on the yolk, spelling the phrase ‘You look eggsquisite.’ Severus stabbed his eggs with his fork in response and shoved a bit of it into his mouth. He didn’t know who was doing it, but he had his suspicions. Keeping to his word, Severus ignored it and continued to eat his food like nothing was wrong. He was going to reach for a piece of bacon when it happened again, except this time it said ‘Don’t go bacon my heart.’ Severus felt his annoyance skyrocket and decided he didn’t like bacon all that much anyway.

For a few seconds, Severus looked around to see if it would happen again, but it didn’t it. Deeming it safe, Severus reached for his tea, but as it made its way closer to his face, the tea swirled and the word ‘Cute-tea’ appeared in a gold writing. Severus slammed the tea cup onto the table, causing a bit of it to crack and startling his fellow classmates. A lot of eyes were on him again, watching his face darken in anger. Bernard was still watching him with that annoying smile, lazily holding his wand. It took every fiber within Severus to not go over there and punch him in the face. Angry and no longer hungry, Severus gathered his things and nearly ran out of the Great Hall. Potter and Lily followed him. Lily couldn’t help it then and a bit of laughter had escaped. Severus sent her a glare, but it did not stop her from smiling. It was going to be a long day. He just knew it.  

  



	13. Hidden Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 13
> 
> Guess who decided to update early? ME. We weren't doing anything in school and I didn't have work today so I finished the chapter earlier than I thought I would. I'm not busy tomorrow so I'm probably going to write another chapter.

Chapter 13

Severus was preparing for war. Everyone kept sending him knowing looks or making kissy faces towards him everywhere he went. And the giggling! Oh, how the girls kept giggling.  The whole school knew if they didn’t already at breakfast. Word had surely spread like wildfire. And Lily, the traitor that she is, had yet to stop laughing. It was like this all weekend. Even on Monday had it yet to cease.

It was their third class, Charms, and Lily’s face was all flushed and her breath was ragged from all the laughing that she did. Every time Severus thought she got over it, she would be reminded of the situation and would fall into hysteria again. It got so bad that she lost ten house points because she couldn’t stop laughing. Severus honestly could not see how it was funny. Bernard was so lucky that Severus has yet to see him. It was one of those rare days where they didn’t share a single class with each other, thank Merlin. He didn’t think he could last in a class with Bernard being in close approximately. He would probably hex him and everyone in class.

When it reached their last class of the day, double Potions, Severus thought he would finally be able to calm down and allow himself to fall into the delicate art of potion making. He was ready for anything that Slughorn would try to the throw at them. Anything except Amortentia.

Severus couldn’t figure out why Slughorn thought it would be a good idea to teach students how to make Amortentia when it was the most dangerous love potion in the world. He was basically giving horny and self-conscious teenagers the ability to make other people fall deeply in lust, infatuation, obsession, and rarely ‘love’. Even though they weren’t allowed to take any of the potions they made out of class, that didn’t mean none of them wouldn’t still try and sneak a dosage one way or another. That was, if any of these idiots could do it right.   

 It was an advance potion that students were rarely able to properly brew so they often bought cheap imitations from stores and other potioneers. It took skill, patience, and precision, something that most people lack.

The potion takes two hours to brew. Usually when a potion takes a while to brew, Slughorn would allow chatter to take place, he often encouraged it which many students did, creating a loud working space. Severus thought Slughorn was stupid. They couldn’t possible pay attention to the amount or the time they put the ingredients in a potion. It is what led to mistakes and exploding cauldrons.  It didn’t help that the instructions were often ill conceived and were misleading. Slughorn might have been a master, but he was a terrible teacher who didn’t take precaution. Severus often found himself keeping a close eye on some students who were prone to destructive natures. He needed to make sure that they didn’t do anything stupid or at least to be able to warn the others of the danger that will surely follow.

Amortentia wasn’t a potion that was destructive by nature, brewing wise, but there were some dangerous ingredients that could be damaging by themselves, especially if they put too much of them in the potion.

Severus sliced his rose thorns and mixed it with rose water. After dropping the heat, he placed a pinch of pearl dust and a teaspoon of peppermint leaves in a small bowl and grinded them together. Once he was satisfied that they were well mixed, he sprinkled it into the potion evenly. With a few turns clockwise, he slowly poured the rose thorn-rose water mix. After a few more minutes of letting it sit, he rose the heat and dumped five rose petals. He crushed fairy wings and added a single peacock feather. Severus looked around and noticed that most of his peers were still on the first stage of the potion, he rolled his eyes. Once the potion turned blue, he added a mandrake leaf with a mistletoe berry and it turned into a pastel purple. Carefully, he placed one drop of snake venom and crushed dragon teeth.

It was in the final stages and it needed a bit more time to brew before he could place the last few things: minced bloodroot, diced wormwood, and a dash of lavender extract.

Severus looked up and saw that James was looking at him. The whole time Severus was working, James became enthralled with his swift movements and grace. Severus was completely in his element and it was amazing to watch. He did it effortlessly and his fingers moved quickly and expertly like they were made for the sole purpose to prepare potion ingredients. It wasn’t something that he noticed before since he usually spent his time watching Lily, goofing off, or sabotaging other people’s positions. Despite it being a potion that he didn’t regularly make, Severus hardly ever looked at the recipe and did it mainly from memory. Each part of it was amazing.

They watched each other for what felt like hours. Severus rose a delicate brow in question, but James had that look in his eye where they would glaze over. After a split second of just staring at each other, James offered him a smile and looked down at his work in a bashful manner. Severus continued to watch him and noticed that James would send him tentative glances every few seconds. It was interesting to see him act this way. Sure, Severus always noticed that he would sent him odd looks but he never could figure out what those looks meant.

Before he could think any more on the subject, Lily elbowed him to get his attention. She pointed at his potion which began to bubble. Quickly, Severus placed the remaining ingredients and turned down the heat to let it simmer. It would need five more minutes before he could take it off the heat.

Once the potion had turned into a beautiful purple pink, he turned off the flame and set his cauldron at the side. He put the lid on to stop it from fully exploiting its wondrous aroma. After twenty minutes, Lily finished and they both watched the rest of their classmates struggle.

Once the two and a half hours were up, Slughorn walked around the class, examining the color and smell. Most of the class failed, some barely passed the third stage and most remained in the second. Only Remus, Severus, Lily, and a few other students were able to finish. Lily did very well, but it was slightly off color, she didn’t add the right amount of pearl dust and it didn’t shimmer like it was supposed to. Remus’s was a bit more off, taking a more purple hue that didn’t have a strong enough pull, aroma wise. Severus liked to think his was perfect, but James had distracted him and he had to rush the last step which was the most delicate part of it. It came out well enough and Slughorn didn’t seem to notice that the temperature of the potion was still hot. It was meant to be cold not warm, but it would cool given a few more minutes.

“Oh, they are just marvelous,” said Slughorn as he approached their table. “Of course, I expect nothing better than you Ms. Evans, you are in my prestige Slug Club and is naturally talented in potion making.”

Lily smiled in response but it didn’t quite reach her eye when Slughorn had practically dismissed Severus’s perfect potion. Of course not, Severus thought bitterly. Once everything was clean and the potion was properly disposed of by Slughorn, he gestured the class to go to the front at his desk which laid a closed cauldron. Lily and Severus were the first to come and the rest of the class soon followed. James took his left while Lily stood on his right.  

“Here I have my own Amortentia which I had made this morning. I would like the first three student in the front,” he gestured towards the unlikely trio, “and I want them to tell us what they smell.”

Hesitantly, all three of them took a whiff at the potion.

“I smell the earth after it rains, wood, soapberry lemon, and mint tea.”

Both Severus and Black gave him a crazy look. For Severus, soapberry lemon was the fragrance of his shampoo. He must have been standing too close and he had probably mistaken it for the potion. When it was Lily’s turn, she chose her words carefully.

“I smell books, ink, chocolate, lavender, and…” she hesitated as a small blush made its way to her cheeks. “A musk that I can’t place”

When it was Severus’s turn, he hesitated a lot longer than Lily. He smelled fresh laundry, broom polish, butterbeer, and…. James’s cologne. Fear struck him, but he spoke anyway since the whole class was looking at him. “Fresh laundry, butterbeer, and butterscotch.” Severus winced at that last part. It was the first thing he could think of.

After that, Slughorn let anyone else who wanted to try to go ahead with his supervision. Severus and James stood in the back with Lily at the end of the classroom, but none of them wanted to talk to each other about what they experienced. They just wanted to let it sink in.

Severus was for the lack of a better word, embarrassed that he smelled James’s cologne, but it had to be the same reason as to why James’ smelled his shampoo, they were just standing too close to each other and that had to have led to it to override the fragrances of the potion. There was no other reason. Severus didn’t really want to think any more on the subject and turned his eyes to Lily who was very quiet. He would have thought that she would have teased him, that maybe he smelled Louis, who was known for his love of butterscotch candy, but she wasn’t talking. She was biting her lip in a nervous manner.  Severus tried to think of who it could be that she was thinking of. It had to be someone she knew otherwise she shouldn't have been so troubled by the way she was. It definitely wasn’t James since none of the smells matched him.

Maybe that was the problem? Maybe it was because the Amortentia didn’t show them the scents that are solely related to them. James didn’t smell Lily’s lilac perfume which he always said was her personal Amortentia and Lily didn’t smell Pumpkin Pasties which was James’s favorite food. The smell of it would always stench his clothes and she always said that it mixed well with his natural scent.

The whole thing made the rest of the day awkward.  

The rest of the day went off without a hitch. Of course, people kept sending him looks and making suggestive comments toward Severus. He tried to ignore them to the best of his abilities, even though he was sure this would end up in the Prophet by the next morning. It was all fine until one student had the nerve to make a sex joke at Severus, something about his place being on his knees. Before he could do anything though, James had punched the offender in the face.

Severus was shocked beyond belief. James had just defended his honor. However, he didn’t really get time to think about it before Lily grabbed both of them and dragged them both to the Tower.

When they got inside, Severus was breathing hard, but he could not remove his eyes from James who was nursing his hand that had a bit of blood on it. Lily said some quick words, something about getting her first aid kit and made her way to the girls’ rooms.

“Thank you,” Severus whispered. James’s head shot up and he just nodded. Lily came down and passed the box to Severus.

“I’m going to go talk to Mcgonagall so that she knows what happened. She will be looking for you as soon as word gets to her.”

They both nodded at her and Severus led James to the couch. Luckily, no one was in the common room yet. Carefully, Severus took James’s hand in his own, ignoring the jolt that passed through them, and started to mend his hand. He put on a healing cream, gently massaging it all over his hand. It was a bit nerve wrecking since James just watched him and his hand was so warm. After checking to make sure there was no more damage, Severus bandaged his hand and held it in his own for a second before he realized what he was doing and practically dropped it. When he looked up, James was still looking at him.

Severus didn’t like those looks James gave him. They made him uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. He just didn’t know how to take it in. All the years he’s been to Hogwarts, he’s always seen scorn and hate in those hazel eyes and to see them with something else…. He just didn’t know what to think. At first, he was very cautious about the sudden change, but James wasn’t that good at hiding his emotions. He could always read him by his eyes alone, they were so expressive that he could never hide anything from him. It was James’s greatest weakness, but it was a weakness that only Severus seemed to see.

Severus watched as those hazel eyes trail over his face, landing for a split second on his lips before making its way back to his eyes. He couldn’t help but do the same.

Suddenly, a cough broke the moment and they both looked to see Black standing there. Severus quickly pulled away and nearly fell over before James grabbed him and steady him. He mumbled a thanks before he strode past Black and decided to go find Lily.  

Severus didn’t make it that far because right before him was Bernard. He was standing in dark blue knit sweater and brown trousers. He gave him a soft smile.

 “I’ve been waiting for you.”

The words caught Severus off guard. He didn’t need another love confession when it hit him. He was supposed to give him his answer days ago and he had completely forgot. He stood straight and fought the urge to be nervous down.

 “I would think my silence would be answer enough, Bernard.”

Louis’s lip quirked upwards and his shoulders had sagged a bit.

“Well, an answer is answer. And please, call me Louis.”

“I already asked someone before you asked me. Even if I had said yes, we wouldn’t be able to go officially. Tradition states that we go with our chosen dates.”

“And who's to say that our date can’t be another champion?”

Severus didn’t answer. Bernard- _Louis_ sighed and looked a bit dejected, but he smiled again.

“It is alright. I didn’t expect for you to say yes.” _But I hoped you would_ was written in his eyes so clearly that Severus felt a bit of regret.

 “It won’t be a problem for you to find a date, I’m sure. Girls and boys are practically falling all over themselves just for you to look their way, let alone to get a dance from you.” Louis grinned at that.

“Then at least promise me a dance.”

 “Of course,” Severus said sarcastically. “How could I refuse you again?”

Louis gave a small laugh, and, with a goodbye, they both walked their separate ways and Severus continued to make his way to find Lily.

He passed McGonagall’s office, but she wasn’t there. It took ages, but Lily had seemed to disappear. He was going to make his way back to the Tower when Madam Pomfrey had stopped him.

“Mr. Snape, I know it has been some time, but I would like to do a quick check up if you will. No more than a few minutes. I just want to see how well you’re healing.”

Severus agreed and they both walked into the infirmary. He sat on top of a bed and let Madam Pomfrey do as she wished. She first gave several scans with her wand. She then asked for him to remove his shirt so she could check his wounds. As she removed the bandages, his skin was still raw and opened in several gashes. They started to bleed heavily and she quickly cleaned them and rewrapped his wounds.

“You are healing very well and from the looks of it, the wounds should close in three to four weeks. It is not healing as fast as before since you are walking about. Refrain from sudden movements that would open the wounds more. I already dosed you with enough potions. I’m sure you are aware of the risk of overdosage. If you were to open them again, I would not be able to give you any more potions to remedy it until all of the others have been washed from your system. If you feel any sudden pain, come see me and I will check. Also, don’t try to strain your muscles or your side. Even stretching your hand out could lead to your wounds opening so don’t go and try to reach books on the top shelf, it would bring more harm than good. I see you are changing your bandages every night which is good. If you need any more, just come see me. That is all, you’re free to go.”

Severus put on his shirt and finally was able to make his way back towards the Tower where he found Lily and James in close proximately, faces close and talking in hushed whispers.

Severus felt his feet falter again. It felt like he was invading something but before he could walk away, Lily caught his eye. She gave him a force smile and gestured for him to come sit next to her. James looked tense and he wouldn’t even look at Severus. He didn’t have any idea on what they were talking about, but it felt like they were talking about him.

The mood became awkward again for the hundredth time that day. James had then excused himself when it became too much and it was just them two. Lily cleared her throat.

“Severus, would you like to go to Hogsmeade this weekend? I think it would be fun and we haven’t gone in so long. It would be nice to get away from the castle for a bit, don’t you think?”

Still unsure of what his place is with Lily, he agreed because he did miss the times that they’ve gone to Hogsmeade.

“Excellent.”

 


	14. Need Some Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated version of Chapter 14
> 
> Hey guys, sorry for the long awaited update. I got sidetracked with school, work, and reading fanfiction. This chapter is the longest I've written so I hope that makes up for it. I already have the base for the next four chapters so I should be updating soon. A lot of you seemed to like when I write in another person's point of view and I will be doing that in a few chapters after I write the scene that I want to happen before it. I wrote most of it, but I have to write stuff before it since it won't be the main focuses given the context that is revealed in this chapter. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! I read and love every comment made. Kudos are always welcomed.

Chapter 14

The rest of the week was uneventful despite the constant teasing from everyone. Severus took it for what it was worth which was nothing. He mostly focused on his studies and spent his free time with Lily as they loomed over the scrolls. They haven’t found a single clue and it was bothering Severus to no end. He just couldn’t figure it out and Lily was starting to get worried. It brought great relief for the week to end and so that they could go on their Hogsmeade trip to just relax.

Severus waited patiently in the courtyard for Lily to meet him. They both agreed to meet here after breakfast. The air was chilly and crisp. Severus’s cheeks flushed from the cold and he shuddered when a breeze had nipped at his skin. He was dressed in his warmest clothes, but it wasn’t much. His coat was tattered with holes and rips. It worked well despite its quality. Severus never really ventured out during the winter so he never really needed to buy himself a new coat. A simple heating charm always did the trick which Severus promptly did after another breeze made its way towards him. Instantly, a blooming warmth flooded around him, wrapping itself around him in its safe embrace.

As Severus looked around, several other students were gathering around to make the trip as well. It has been so long since he had last ventured to Hogsmeade. It was almost exciting again to go with Lily. There was much for them to do, especially since the holiday was coming up and he needed to buy a present for Lily. He would also need to buy himself robes for the dance. He could always transfigure some, but it would just be easier to find a tailor and get it professionally done. It was something he could do today if Lily didn’t mind, no doubt she would need to find a dress soon before the rest of the school sought them out. However, he would rather they go buy some sweets and get some butterbeer. It would be nice to not think about anything Champion related.

Almost lost in thought, Severus had hardly notice Potter making his way towards him. He wore dark, thick robes with sturdy boots. He walked towards him in a false bravo manner that Severus recognized instantly. He had a slight hesitant step and his lips were thin. He was nervous and Severus saw it clear as day.

When Potter had finally made his way towards him, he seemed to relax and tension had left his shoulders instantly when they caught each other’s eye. Potter was staring at him with that look again. The look that made an unknown feeling creep itself inside him. Potter spoke first, stuttering as he went.

“W-well, I know that this is a stupid idea and that you would probably say no...” Severus didn’t like where this was going. Potter stuttering was unusual and wasn’t something he was used to, it often led to bad things. The fact that Potter had already came to the conclusion that Severus would refuse already gave him enough insight that this conversation wouldn’t be one that he would like to indulge in. It didn’t help that Potter refused to look at anything but his eyes, constantly searching for something that Severus had no idea what for. It made him feel exposed so he looked to the right of Potter’s head only to get away but then his gaze caught that of Black laying a hand on Lupin’s shoulder, hunching over and making gagging noises as he pointed a finger into his mouth. Lupin was frowning and looked him with a disapproving look. Severus’s eyebrows furrowed in question.

“Severus?” Potter said and Severus eyes snapped back to his. He didn’t hear a single word that he said, Black’s actions had distracted him. He felt a bit bad when he saw Potter's hopeful expression slowly drop. He had no idea what Potter was talking about or what he had asked.

“What?”

 Potter was going to say something when Lily appeared, ready for their trip to Hogsmeade.

 “Hello Potter,” she said pleasantly. “Sorry I was late Severus, I had left my scarf on my bed and had to go back to get it. I hope I didn’t make you wait long.”

“You didn’t,” he replied. “I was just talking to Potter.”

They both looked at Potter who was still looking at Severus.

 “Oh, I wasn’t interrupting anything important, was I?” Lily asked.

“No.”

 “Yes.” They both replied at the same time. Lily and Severus both sent Potter a confused look. Potter sighed and looked a bit dejected.

 “Well,” began Potter. “I was just here asking our dear Snape if he wanted to join me and the boys for a bottle of butterbeer and wanted to see if he wanted to go to the Yule Ball with me- us... as a group.”

Severus couldn’t hide his shock even if he tried. Potter had wanted _him_ to go with him and his friends to the Yule Ball. Had this happen last year, he would have laughed until his dying breath. It was the last thing that he had expected, to be asked to the Yule Ball. Severus didn’t exactly have people lining up to ask him, but he definitely got two more people asking him than he thought he would.

Lily, bless her heart, looked a bit guilty when she replied for him. Flashbacks of the question Lily asked him when he asked her to the Yule Ball came to him. Did Lily suspect that Potter would ask him?

“Oh well, Severus had already asked me to the Yule Ball. As a champion, it is expected of him to have a date to dance with for the opening dance of the ball.” They both took notice of Potter’s sadden face which Lily quickly tried to remedy, “but you could still dance with Severus.” Severus had sent her a sharp look when she said that. “Or you could still hang out with him afterwards. The dance is just a formality really. “

            Everything became awkward after that. They stood in a circle not sure what to do. Potter and Severus were both very embarrassed. It was only when Black had called Potter over did he leave, giving a very awkward wave and had nearly crashed into a tree as he went. Black laughed at him and Potter punched him in the shoulder.

            “Well, that was something,” said Lily. “Look at you! Men are practically falling over themselves to ask you to the Yule Ball.” Severus rolled his eyes good naturally and they made their way to Hogsmeade. It had completely escaped Severus’s notice that Lily’s boyfriend had just asked him to the Yule Ball in front of her, but he was very distracted as Lily gossiped about all the dumb things Tuney had done last Christmas and how she betted two galleons that she could drink more butterbeer faster than he could. Severus laughed and they were lost to their own devices for the rest of the day.

 

* * *

 

 Saturday seemed like such a long time ago even though it only happened yesterday.  When Severus woke up this morning, he noticed what day it was. It was Sunday and the full moon was tomorrow. Potter and his friends were acting strangely when they crossed paths with both Lily and him. They had gathered a lot of snacks, preparing for the long night. Up close, Severus was able to see that Lupin didn’t look like himself.

His eyes were a lot lighter in color, almost taking a gold hue in the light. His stance was hunched and he looked like he was in constant pain. There were also bags under his eyes, but despite his state he still offered a smile and a pleasant greeting to the both of them. Lily looked worried and had constantly asked him if he was alright. Lupin assured her, providing her with a well-played farce of him just being tired. Lily bit her lip in response and didn’t look convinced. It didn’t go unnoticed by Severus how Lupin would grimace in pain when Lily wasn’t looking. When he caught his eye, he offered him a pained secret smile. They were definitely on better terms with each other and while they haven’t directly discussed that night last year, there was an understanding between them.

It would probably be a good idea to make some Wolfsbane potion for him. It made the days before and after become less painful and it really helped bring a more balance and comfort during a transformation. Lupin would become more tired than anything during the full moon, almost drugged in a way that limited his senses and made him more docile. He would still have his full strength and his abilities, but he would be less dangerous. Lupin was not a person that sought violence. He was a very caring man that was more of a peacemaker than anything, but he didn’t have full control of his actions once the wolf took over. It would be a good idea to prevent a repeat of last year. Severus was surprised that Dumbledore didn’t provide him with it since the first day of Hogwarts, but that would involve Slughorn knowing about it and that wasn’t a very good idea. Slughorn was a coward and would probably blabber about it to the wrong people. Plus, Severus didn’t think his skills were at the level needed for the potion. It was a very delicate potion. A dark potion at that. Slughorn would never involve himself with something like that, least he wishes to ruin his delicate reputation in this school and in society.

And while Severus had only made the potion to merely try, he was fairly confident in himself that he would be able to do it correctly. Actually, it would be better to make the potion better than it was. It was outdated and was mostly unused given the advance requirements needed to make it and that it had to be freshly made and only offered small amounts of comfort.

A cure would be better, but it would also take a lot of time to research and experiment, something that he didn’t really have the time for given his predicament with the second task. He would also have to be there for trials and errors when he’s in wolf form, but Severus wasn’t sure if he was ready to face the wolf again. It didn’t exactly give him nightmares, but Severus would be lying if he wasn’t even remotely scared of Lupin. It was something to think about, a task he will indulge in later given if there was ever any time.

 As time went on, there wasn’t really much to report on anything spectacular about the day despite the fact that Potter walked into a door that afternoon, and every time he saw Severus. He spilled pumpkin juice on himself when Severus had suddenly burst out laughing when he saw Louis trip and was instantly bombarded by girls. Lily had whispered something to him, but he didn’t hear. He couldn’t hear anything when Potter looked at him the way he was doing in that moment. Severus didn’t know what this feeling was or the reason of why Potter gave him those looks, looking at him like he was the loveliest person in the world. Severus shook those thoughts away. Lily was right next to him, who else would he pass those looks to? Severus was just in the crossfire and happened to caught him staring at Lily. It was nothing more than that. For some reason, an almost cold feeling filled his chest. Something heavy and dreadful. Severus clutched his chest painfully and Lily asked him if he was okay. He smiled and said he was. It was nothing important to think about.

 

* * *

 

Despite his reassurance to Lily, Severus couldn’t think of anything but Potter and the reason behind his actions. There was never a good time to think about it and now wasn’t the best time either, but after last night, he couldn’t think of anything else. What was his motivation? Potter was up to something or at the very least he wanted something from him, but what? Happy memories with Potter filled him a sickening feeling. It wasn’t something that he wanted to think about, but it was haunting him. Potter loved Lily, there was no doubt about that, but Severus just couldn’t shake this feeling that there was something more. He could always slyly ask Lily, but he wasn’t sure he would be prepared for any answer that she would give.

Severus sighed. He couldn’t do much less think of anything besides this which is why it was surprising that Ms. Pince had touched his shoulder and told him that the Library would be closing.  It was already late, the full moon almost in full swing in the sky. Severus grimace at it and quickly gathered his things. The scrolls remained empty with no progress. Hastily, Severus said goodnight and made his way to the dungeons.

Passing by a portrait, Severus was distracted and had missed his last step causing him to trip and drop his things. Looking around, Severus didn’t sense anyone around and sighed in relief. Nobody saw him. Quickly, Severus gathered his things, but he stopped when he reached the scrolls. They rolled far as they fell beneath the moonlight that was passing through the window. One had unrolled itself and there stood, in a glowing light, markings written on the scrolls. Severus had nearly fainted at the sight. This whole time the words were there, but he needed the moon’s light to see them. He furrowed his brow, it wasn’t the first time he was caught late at night searching for answers with the scroll. The moon’s light had touched the scrolls before, but they never showed anything until now. It had to be because it was a full moon, there was no other reason. But if that was true, then Severus wouldn’t be able to see them until next month. The full moon would be gone by the sunrise. He didn’t have time to waste.

Severus searched his robes for parchment and ink and quickly rewrote the marking on the scrolls. It took a few hours. Severus had to get it perfectly by the simplest detail. Everything was vital and he would not waste this chance to mess it up later. After all the scrolls were written down in ink, Severus stared at the parchment as it dried. He didn’t recognize these markings.

They weren’t from any ruins that he knew of nor were they part of any ritual that he’s seen. The way they were written appeared to be a text of some kind. Whatever, the point is he had something now. It was better than staring at nothing. It was late now and he needed to look these over tomorrow with Lily. The library was closed and while he could sneak in, the halls were more guarded during a full moon than they used to be. Flinch often took to guarding the Library and second floor. It would do him no good to lose Library privileges with his sudden progress. He could wait. Or, he could use his own personal library that he had acquired.

Severus had not forgotten the gift his mother had given him. He was always aware of its presence and would seek to read its rare and powerful knowledge when he couldn’t sleep. He was only able to get through two of the books as of late, many of them were written in different languages. It took time and he often didn’t want to just rush through them. He read them deliberately, taking notes as he went. There might be something there, he wasn’t sure. It would be better to wait for Lily. Just because he didn’t recognize them didn’t mean she wouldn’t. Even Potter might know something given his pureblood background. He was definitely more exposed to the ways of the Wizarding World than both him and Lily. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. If worst comes to worst, he will show Louis as well. Like he said before, he would need an ally during the task if Dimitri still sought his death. It would be better for Louis to be prepared. He was sure he could fight him alone, but it was better to have one enemy then two.

Severus eventually made his way towards his room, sneaking past any lingering Slytherins still awake. As usually, he spelled the room closed, placing protective charms and did a thorough sweep of the room. It was cleaned and Severus had placed the scrolls and parchment in a safe pocket of the chest his mother had given him.

Severus hadn't known before, but the chest was heavily guarded and charmed to withstand anything. The gold engravings were ritual markings that kept others out and him in. It was designed for blood relations only, but Slytherins were mostly pureblood and one of them would have enough blood relation to his mother to get in one way or another. Luckily, his mother knew this too and had placed a very particular blood spell that would only allow him and her to open it. It was a very hard spell that demanded a lot of magic. It wasn’t one that was normally used because it could cause a big blow to the magical core. Severus had frowned when he found out in one of the books he had glimpsed through. It was probably the reason for her sudden sickness. She knew of course, that Severus was sure. She wasn’t stupid and she knew the risk. It was something she was preparing to do for a long time. It didn’t mean he liked it, but nothing could be done about it now. His mother’s sacrifice would not go to waste and Severus had begun to use it as a storing room that contained all his important and valuable possessions. Should anyone break in his room, they wouldn’t be able to do the same to the chest, least of all touch it or spell it. It was rooted for his touch and magic alone and it was the safest thing he had. The chest alone was a true treasure, but the knowledge inside only made it more valuable.

After ensuring that everything was safe and he had properly closed the chest, Severus allowed himself to lay down on his bed, but sleep would not take him. Despite himself, Severus was almost worried. A lot has happened with everything, but he wasn’t looking at things as closely as he should. There were too many variables and coincidences that were happening. Potter being a big one and Louis following right after. Black was a variable he didn’t like to think about but was one that was not ignored. Ivanov stood right next to him. Each one had their own motivation to seek his attention and he didn’t know a single one. There were also the things concerning his _feelings_ with Louis and Potter. He shuddered at the thought. He had been ignoring it for now, letting Lily and the tournament take most of his attention, but he would have to face the music eventually. It was better now than allow something to blow up in his face.

There was also that thing with Malfoy and the Dark Lord. They have been strangely quiet. Of course, his house still gave him dirty looks and he always made sure to check his food and unknown objects for curses and poisons, but he couldn’t be too careful. They were too quiet and they could strike at any moment. Malfoy’s words still rang in his head. His relationship with Lily had definitely improved, faster than he expected, but now she was more of a liability than ever. She was definitely his greatest weakness and they knew it. They would need to talk about it again. Probably with the rest too. Severus wasn’t particularly concern for Potter’s safety, but it was better if he knew to help him keep a close eye around for Malfoy and the rest. Whether or not Severus or Black liked it, they were now in this together. Severus doesn’t know when the Dark Lord will make his move, but it will come sooner than he would like. He was sure of it. He’s been gathering his forces for a long time, waiting for the perfect moment. Severus wasn’t going to be able to get much information from anybody here, he had betrayed them and they will come seeking blood as soon as he was out of his school. They could attack him now, but the Dark Lord would probably want to do it himself, he had disrespected him, but Dumbledore was here and the Dark Lord would not strike him or his followers as long as he remains in Hogwarts. He would have to start making plans for after the school year ends. He didn’t have a place to go and he refuses to go anywhere with Lily, it would put her at risk. No, he would need to find a place, a safe house to go to once he graduated. That is, if he made it to graduation. It didn’t matter, its existence will be useful whether or not Severus lives to use it or not. With his mother’s money, he would be able to buy a nice plot of land, preferably from one of the unplottable ones from both muggles and wizards. An old house would be nice instead of having to build it from the ground up but he would have to see the finances. A trip to Gringotts would be needed.

Severus’s eyes brightening. Quickly, he ran towards the chest and pulled out documents from the letter the ministry had given him. It was inheritance letters that he had forgotten about. Severus cursed himself for forgetting something so important. As far as Severus knew, his mother had given him all that she had, it was possible that he had gotten something from the Prince Family, but his mother was disowned the moment she ran away to marry Tobias.

Opening the letters, they were simple and straight to the point. Gringotts had asked for his presence when the time became available. They understood that he is currently in school and will wait for his audience until his birthday in January, where he will become of age and will be able to leave school ground on his own, or until after graduation. There was nothing explicitly said in the letters other than formalities which didn’t really help Severus in the slightest to figure out what they would like to discuss. There was nothing else other than it had to be Prince related.

Severus is the last remaining member of the family; his grandparents had died long before he came to Hogwarts and his mother was an only child. He was the only one. The whole thing made him more tired that he already was and it brought him great relief for sleep to finally take him. He could think about these things tomorrow after he shows Lily the markings from the scrolls.

 


	15. Darkest Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated Version of Chapter 15
> 
> WOW, another chapter. Look. At. That. :)

When Severus arrived to the Great Hall, Potter, Black, and Lupin were nowhere to be found. It was their ritual of not coming the next day after a full moon. They would arrive later for classes, but they always missed breakfast and wouldn’t be in class until noon. Severus hesitated about telling Lily. Should he wait for Potter? No, he wouldn’t be able to help him until dinner or even until tomorrow. The faster he finds out what the second task is the better. 

Lily was talking to her friends like she usually does, but they all immediately hushed when they saw him. Lily turned around and gave him a big smile when she saw who it was. With a quick word, her friends left to their own devices, walking away while talking in hushed whispers. Severus ignored them and made his way straight to Lily. She was drinking pumpkin juice when he spoke.

“I found the clue for the second task.”

Perhaps he should have waited because Lily started to choke on her drink, capturing the attention of everyone in the hall. Severus patted her back to help her. She sent him a glare, but wiped her mouth with a napkin before she spoke.

“Really Sev? You couldn’t give me a minute before telling me?” She rolled her eyes but promptly pushed him down to sit besides her. “Well, let’s see it then.”

Severus put a silencing charm and opened the parchment of paper with the markings, explaining his discovery as he went. “I have no idea what they are and I thought that maybe you would. If not we have time to check during our free period after lunch and we will be able to do some research, but I don’t remember going over anything like this in the books. It is something old, maybe something found in the restricted section?”

Lily was looking at the marks with great contemplation. She traced some with her hand but frowned after a while. “I have no idea what these could be.”

Severus sighed and nearly sagged into his seat, but he refrained. They ate the rest of their breakfast, throwing ideas as they went. They spent the whole day like this, passing notes between each other to try to figure out what it could be. Before they knew it, it was lunchtime and Potter and his friends had finally decided to join them. 

Potter looked terrible, his skin was pale and his eyes were very dull in color. He looked exhausted. He and Black shared scratches on their wrist and face. Lupin looked to be the worst out of all of them. He could barely keep his eyes open and when he did, he would stare guiltily at Potter and Black. It was probably a rough night. They remained silent for most of the meal. Black ignored his presence entirely, only offering a wave towards Lily. Lupin didn’t even try to be civil to either of them, he promptly slammed his head against the table and fell asleep. Potter tried, offering a tired smile and a pleasant greeting, but he mostly played with his food and tried to fight back sleep. Lily watched them with a worried look. Severus really wondered if she knew about Lupin’s...condition. However, it wasn’t his place to say so he remained silent on the matter. 

They talked more about the task and agreed to go to the library to see if they could find anything. They didn’t. There was absolutely nothing and it was driving Severus mad to no end. At least they weren’t staring at a blank piece of paper, but it sure felt like it. By the time night came, Severus tested his theory and found that the scrolls didn’t reveal any of the markings from before. It was a sure thing that it was a full moon required thing. That was important, it had to mean something. A lot of enchantments, potions, or spells that dealt with night or the moon was often associated with dark magic and creatures. That narrowed it down by a lot but also not by much. 

After dinner, Potter looked to be more awake and rested. He didn’t see him for the rest of the school day. Probably only came for some food and went back to bed. Potter greeted him when he came in the common room alone. He smiled like he hadn’t seen him in forever and looked like he wanted to hug him, but he refrained. 

“How are you feeling,” he asked. Severus gave him a confused look.

“Me? How about you ask yourself that question. You look terrible.”

Potter smiled. “Thanks.” 

They sat on the couch. They were alone again. Nobody was in the common room surprisingly. Memories of the last time they were left alone with each other flashed in his head. It made Severus uncomfortable and the silence was unbearing so he cleared his throat.

“While you were...out, I found the clue for the second task.”

That alone caught Potter’s attention. His head snapped to him as he waited for him to continue. And Severus did. Potter grabbed the parchment and looked at the markings. 

“Well, I personally don’t know what they mean, but I have seen these before. Specifically this,” he said has he gestured to the marking that looked like a flower. “This is an Ipomoea, a moon flower. It only blooms in moonlight. It is not really used for spells or potions. It is usually used for… courting gifts.” Potter blushed at that, but Severus gave him a look to elaborate. “There was a legend, a long time ago of a man who fell in love with someone. It was such a long time ago that nobody knows. The point is that his love was not returned. Overwhelmed with sadness, it was said that he suffered from  _ amore peribat _ or Hanahaki Disease. He would cough out flowers, especially Ipomoeas. After a while, thorns began to grow beneath his skin until the thorns reached his heart. It was said that the moon’s light had turned him into a statue and that he remains in a sleep state, constantly facing his heartbreak in his dreams. He is said to be lost within a forest in France, hidden away to never be found or awoken. For some strange reason, people found it to be romantic and is now often used for courting gifts, symbolizing their devotion and love, willing to suffer for eternity for the one they have chosen. But I don’t think the story has anything to do with the task. These flowers aren’t exactly rare. They grow here in the forbidden forest. The story is just a story for the sake of tradition and fairytales.”

Potter bit his lip and continued. “My father told me, a long time ago, that there was a cave hidden in the forbidden forest. He said he and his friends had found it by accident when they got lost in the forest- this was way before it became forbidden to enter. He said they stumbled upon it because they were lead there by the glow of the Ipomoeas. He said that the cave gave him a terrible feeling, like he would never be happy again. He compared it to the dementors. The cave, while they didn’t dare go in, felt as if it was stealing the very life from them, taking away all their dreams and happy memories.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at that. “Did your father say where it was?”

“No. He didn’t know how he got there in the first place and he and his friends got lost again before they found their way back to Hogwarts. But the reason why I recognize this symbol is because he drew me a picture that looked like this. He said it was engraved into the cave’s outer walls with other markings. But that’s not the only place I’ve seen it. I saw it in a book that Hagrid has in his hut when I had visited him for help for our Magical Creatures assignment. Out of everyone, I think he might be our best bet to figure out what the text means.” 

This was a lot to take in. There were so many question that he had. Severus agreed. The story of the man was irrelevant, nothing but a story about a flower that had little connection to the task. Even with magic,  _ amore peribat  _ was a myth. There were no records in any of the books or tomes he read about flowers. The story, while he never heard it in great detail, was something he’s heard about, but it was nothing more than a story. The story was different than what actually happened. There were records of a very similar story, taken from a journal of a French noble. It is true that a man had loved someone who didn’t return his love, but he poisoned himself, but it did not kill him. He had messed up the potion and it had petrified him and he fell from his room into his rose garden below. The thorns were particularly sharp and it had killed him as thorns had pierced his flesh. However, the story that Potter provided about his father was something important. He didn’t know what the cave was, never hearing about it before, but it was too strange to leave out. This was something that he would have to look into. And if Potter was right, then Hagrid might know something. It made sense, Hagrid always frequently went into the forest dealing with all sorts of creatures and flowers. He could even know about the cave like where it is, but he couldn’t see him now. It was a school night and they had to be in their beds in a few minutes. It wouldn’t be the first time that Severus fell asleep in the Gryffindor Common Room, but even if he was good at sneaking around the castle, he didn’t think he would make it to Hagrid’s hut and back. It wouldn’t be enough time. He would visit him tomorrow before breakfast. Hagrid was always awake before the sun rises. 

When Severus told Potter his plan, he agreed. It was too late for late night adventures which was funny coming from him, but Potter had invited himself to accompanied him tomorrow to talk with Hagrid. It was probably for the best, between them, Potter knew more than he did and probably Lily too. Besides, Lily had plans to talk to Mcgonagall about the dance for the Yule Ball. She was planning to meet her in the morning, not as early as them to see Hagrid, but it would just be better to let her sleep. 

After a few minutes of talking about the plan for tomorrow, Potter walked to his dorm, but came back a few minutes later just as Severus was getting reading to pass out on the couch. He brought with him a pillow and a red blanket. He passed them to him.

“The couch is not the most comfortable couch, but I would rather you be as comfortable as you can be. I know you know it gets cold at night so I brought you this.”

Severus took it. He could have just spelled a feather or something to make him a blanket, but the one that Potter passed him was thick and warm. It was knitted with heating thread. Severus said his thanks and Potter looked like he wanted to say something, the fire’s light glazing over his eyes in a way that reflected something Severus didn’t know how to deal with. In the end, he just smiled and said goodnight and made his way back to his dorm. After preparing the couch, Severus felt very warm in the blanket. It smelled like fresh laundry and something uniquely Potter, but Severus had already fallen for sleep’s clutches and didn’t notice.  

__________________

When Severus awoke, it was not from Lily or Potter, but Black. He was standing near the end of the couch, watching him with a grimace and glaring at the blanket wrapped around him. 

“Where the hell did you get that,” he gritted out. Still daze by sleep, Severus’s response was slow but nevertheless snarky. 

“None of your goddamn business Black.” To provoke him more, which probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, Severus pulled the blanket closer to him, practically cuddling against it and breathing in its calming scent. Black had nearly growled looked like he was going to rip out of his hands, but, in that moment, Potter entered. He looked fresh as ever. Well rested and his hair was still wet. He smiled when he caught Severus in his blanket, but it slowly turned downward when he saw Black was standing there. 

“I hope you slept well,” Potter said smoothly, keeping his gaze on Black. Severus didn’t reply, he just watched as they had their silent talks. Black was no less bitter when it came to Severus, but he seemed to refrain himself when Potter was around. Severus didn’t know why but he was thankful for it. After a moment, Black scoffed and walked back to his dorm. 

“Sorry about that,” said Potter, rubbing the back of his head and making his hair messy. “I don’t know what gets into him sometimes. He always acts like you stepped on his tail or something.” Potter laughed awkwardly before stepped aside to let Severus get up and to get ready. Severus was lead to the bathrooms were he left to brush his teeth. A moment later, Potter came in with his extra clothes that both Lily and Potter have in case he ever spends the night. Thanking him, Severus left to go changed. Once he was ready, he met Potter by the portrait and they both made their way to Hagrid’s hut. It was early Tuesday morning and there was a nice cold breeze. The grass was wet, morning dew caused the grass and trees to glimmer in the sun’s light. 

When they finally made it, Hagrid was walking back to his hut. He was a bit dirty and had some gardening tools with him. He was probably tending to his garden. As soon as he caught sight of them, he waved to them and offered them some tea inside. They both agreed at the same time and were lead inside his hut. 

Potter looked around, never really getting a chance to see much the only time he came here. Severus was used to it and didn’t really need to look at all the creatures, baskets, and plants that were all over the place. Severus led Potter to Hagrid’s sitting area which wasn’t much of one besides a small table with a couple of chairs. They both sat down and watched as Hagrid brought them tea and his famous rock biscuits. They both declined the snack but took the cup gladly. After a few moments of just enjoying the fresh air with a cup of tea, Severus took out his parchment and passed it towards Hagrid.

“Hagrid, I was wondering if you knew what any of these marking are. Lily and I couldn’t figure it out, but Potter said he’s seen you with a book similar to these.” Severus pointed to the symbols on the parchment and paid close attention to Hagrid’s expression while Potter just drank his tea in bliss. 

Hagrid was very expressive which is why Severus sometimes still didn’t believe that he was a Slytherin, definitely more of a Gryffindor. Hagrid’s eyes widen when he saw the script and was shocked that he spitted out his tea the moment it came into view. Potter coughed and leaned towards Severus so he wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire. Severus ignored him and continued to watch Hagrid. 

“I know you know something Hagrid. You don’t have to tell me everything. A hint would be enough. “

Hagrid sighed and played with his beard. He looked very unsure of what to do. It took awhile, but Hagrid did speak eventually. 

“ The book that Potter is talking about, I don’t got it anymore. But I’ll read this for you. I’m no master, but I can read it well ‘nough. 

 

_ Around the corner you shall wait _

_ A secret road leading to a secret gate _

_ And though we pass them by today, _

_ Tomorrow we may come this way _

_ And if you take the hidden the paths that run _

_ Towards the Moon or towards the sun _

_ You will find a place of doom _

_ Where all dreams and hope never bloom _

 

_ Everything is left forgotten for your greatest fears lie ahead.  _

_ Let them go! Let them go! _

 

_ Home is behind, a dark world ahead, _

_ And there are many paths to tread _

_ Through shadows to the edge of night, _

_ Covering all signs of light! _

_ Follow the glow of lost love and  you shall find a secret place. _

_ A terrible place where many dare not seek _

_ But once you are in its clutches,  _

_ you may not leave. _

 

_ Only when the stars are aligned can you flee the horrors that lie inside.  _

_ Not within the Caverns of Despair, but the darkness that is found in you.  _

_ Should you fail, like so many before you, you will remain there until the dawning  _

_ of the new world.... _

 

Severus took notes the moment Hagrid started to speak. He wrote word for word what Hagrid said, never letting anything slipped. When he was done, Hagrid looked upset. He gave him a look that Severus didn’t like. It was fear and defeat. Hagrid understood what the poem said, but didn’t share the information with him. The room was tight with a heavy anguish that lingered closely towards Hagrid making Severus feel a bit pained. 

“There is more,”Hagrid said, his voice weak. “You’re missing some lines. It breaks off here, but I don’t suppose you got it.”

Severus shook his head no, he didn’t get the last scrolls and was essentially missing a piece of the poem, but he got a strong idea of what the task might be from this alone. Both Potter and Severus thanked Hagrid and promised to visit him again. Hagrid nodded, but he had a grim expression that took its place on his face.

When they were making their way back to the castle, Potter’s expression wasn’t any better. By the time the came inside, breakfast had just started and they made their way to the Great Hall. Potter didn’t eat and Severus didn’t feel like eating either, but ate enough to appease Lily. 

After breakfast, they all made their way to Herbology. Severus had originally wanted to talk to Lily as soon as he  got to the Great Hall, but Potter gave him a look and carefully pointed out Ivanov who sat very close by. It wouldn’t do to go and spread any information about the task, least of all to Ivanov, the bastard. They silently agreed to wait until after school. 

As far as they knew, neither Ivanov nor Louis had made any progress with figuring out the second task. Severus will give the translations to Louis after he’s done with them, there was plenty of time to figure it out and give it to him before the task, but Severus was still debating whether or not to tell him at all. Louis was flirtatious and while he might have protected him and had declared his love for him, Severus couldn’t be sure what his motives were. It could still be a trick. And while Louis might be a very good actor, Severus won’t allow himself to be fooled. 

Class went on as it always did, no perplexing lessons or aggravating workloads. That was, until they reached Defense Against the Dark Arts. This class always seemed to reveal too  much. 

It was never supposed to be like this, nobody was supposed to know. Sure, Lily always kind of knew what happened in his house, but she didn't have any actual proof that said otherwise. Severus made sure that she never did, always had a lie prepared for the questions that would follow every time they met after Tobias hit him. He would fall down the stairs, crash into a door, a spell or potion had been problematic and Lily would bite her lip, a worry look in her eye, and believed him. She would bring the first aid kit she always had on hand and would treat him and would tell him to be more careful. It was a ritual of sorts. Something that has happened since the beginning of their relationship. It was the last thing he wanted anyone to know, especially Lily which is why he never invited her to his house. They would always go to lake, the park, or to her house. Never his, and for good reason. But Severus was not prepared for what had happened today in Defense Against the Dark Arts. 

The subject not only seem to curse the teachers, but Severus as well since his worst moments always happened in this class. Especially last year with his Patronus. 

It was like any other day with the exception that Beauxbatons Academy of Magic had joined their class this year. Severus rolled his eyes when Louis had sent him a wink and was going to approach him like he always does before both Lily and Potter sat on either side of him. 

He always looked disappointed, but Severus didn’t let it bother him. Sure, they had their moment during the first task, but that’s as far as Severus would let it go. Louis didn’t understand that and often tried to get his attention. Louis had folded a small bud and magically sent it over. It landed right in front of Severus and all three of them watched as it bloomed into a beautiful rose. Severus picked up his book and smashed the flower with it. Severus didn’t see Louis flinch, but he did see the satisfaction in Potter’s eyes and the quirk of his lip. Louis didn’t take it to heart though, he just shake it off and sent him another dashing smile his way. 

After that, their teacher, Professor Brown, had walked in and began his lesson. It was boring just like the rest of them. However, it was only when they reached the topic about boggarts had it captured Severus’s interest and the fear of everyone else as it should.  Nobody for a second thought that Professor Brown had one in the chest below his desk. Everyone watched anxiously has he brought it out, but he didn’t open it to the relief of everyone. He talked about it and told all of them about the counter spell. 

“As scary as a boggart is, it is defeatable,” said Professor Brown. He was walking in front of class, looking at each and everyone of them.  “It is best to know how to fight against one. Those who didn’t know had gone mad with fear and grief. It is usually something that is not taught, especially to children, but this is your last year and all of you are adults. I would rather expose it to you now in the safety of the classroom and teach you how to beat it so that if the situation should ever arise, you can defeat it.”

He had everyone lined up and stepped forward. With a flick of his wand, the chest had opened. A puff of black smoke arose, but it quickly changed into a giant wave of water that rose to the ceiling. As it began to crash down, Professor Brown screamed “riddikulus” and the wave turned into glitter and confetti and the boggart went back into the chest. Everyone laughed in amazement. 

“Now, as soon as it shows your greatest fear all you have to do is point your wand and say ‘riddikulus.’ Do not hesitate or lack courage. Your power is in your word and you will be able to defeat it. Now, Marcus,” Professor Brown gestured towards the Gryffindor who was first in line. “You will go first.”

When Marcus came forward, he was shaking a bit. It was only because of his Gryffindor courage that he could stand there at all. As soon as Professor Brown opened the chest, the boggart had spread and turned the whole room black.  _ Achluophobia _ , thought Severus.   Hesitantly, Marcus said riddikulus.

“With confidence,” cried Professor Brown. Marcus tried again, sure this time, and swirls of light appear, making it look like a beautiful rainbow. Everyone clapped. It went like this for the rest of class. Professor Brown was in complete control, wand at the ready to step forward should the student be unable to cast the spell. But when it reached Severus's turn, he wanted to refuse. But he couldn’t look weak, especially not in front of the Gryffindors or the Slytherins. It was only because half of the Slytherins had gone already (because they didn't have any fears and thought themselves better than a boggart which didn't happen since many were scared out of their wits and barely said the counter spell ) that it gave Severus the strength to go up at all.

Thankfully, Severus walked with confidence, there was no hesitation in his step and no fear in his face. This was definitely not something he wanted to do. Who would want to see their worst fear in front of them? Especially in front of everyone that could use it against him. Severus didn’t even know what it was, but he had a terrible feeling that he knew it a little too well. 

When he walked forward, Professor Brown asked him if he was ready and he nodded curtly. 

As soon as the chest had opened, Severus felt his stomach drop as he watch in horror as the boggart transformed into something he really didn’t want to see. 

It was Tobias standing over his mother who was limp on the floor and  there was blood bleeding from all sides. Everyone was shocked at what they saw, nobody could tear their eyes away from the gruesome scene. Severus thought he was going to throw up as soon as Tobias snapped his eyes towards him. Tobias’s dangerous looks was something that Severus got used to after years of abuse, but it still struck fear into his heart when Tobias would walked towards him with the intention of beating him, not knowing if this time he truly intended to beat him to death. Severus learned to take it and used his training with Legilimency to block out the pain and the memory. Severus would always just fall apart and become lifeless everytime it happened, but he couldn’t do that now. Not with this scene. The scene that happened the day he was almost late to the train to Hogwarts last year. 

“You filthy piece of shit,” Tobias said in his deep, harsh voice. “Look at what you did! Because you’re such a freak! Look at what I have to do to your mother because she sends you to that shit school.” 

Tobias was removing his belt from his pants, everyone watch in horror as he made his way towards Severus. Nobody could move and nobody could breath. Severus remained rooted to floor, unable to turn away. 

“I guess I’ll just have to beat the freakness out of you, don’t I?” he asked, smiling a wicked and cruel smile. In one swift motion, he rose the belt and snapped it towards Severus. Severus didn’t feel anything, not really, but it brought back such horrible memories that it felt like it did. He fell to the floor, opening his wounds. He heard several people gasp and some screams. He watched as Tobias raised the belt one more time. Severus watched, blurry eyed, as his mother laid on the floor, bleeding her life away. However, before Tobia’s belt could “meet” him again, Louis had stepped forward, shaky and pale and the boggart had transformed into a coffin with a little boy that looked just like Louis. 

“Riddikulus,” he shouted and the coffin transformed into hundreds of flowers and butterflies that flew around the room before disappearing into thin air. But nobody was looking at it. Everyone was too busy looking at Severus or crying. 

Black was probably the one who looked the most shock. His eyes were wide and his mouth nearly met the floor. Severus almost didn’t want to look at Potter, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes eventually sought for Potter’s. He looked tense, his whole body was completely still like the rest. His jaw was set and his eyes were downcast in anger and with guilt. Right next to him, Lupin was very pale and he looked like he was going to be sick. 

Louis had dropped down to his knees with shaky hands as he noticed that Severus’s wounds had opened and he was bleeding, but Severus didn’t noticed and he didn’t care. Fear had gripped him and it wasn’t letting go. 

Now they knew. All of them knew. That Severus Snape was abused by his father. That was his last thought before he saw darkness once again. 

  
  



	16. Lily's Lamentations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. This is probably the longest chapter you guys will ever get from me. I'm at 10,000 right here folks. This took me three days to write. Such a hassle. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.

Lily could remember the first day she met Severus. It was late in spring, early summer,  and not a single flower had bloomed that season. It was her greatest joy to look and smell all the marvelous flowers that grew around the lake and would frequently visit it by herself to enjoy the breeze and the comfort that only nature could bring. 

Despite Lily being kind and gentle, many would not go near her. She always spent time by herself in her room or by the lake, wishing for a friend. She could never understand why she was outcasted the way she was. She had her suspicions that it had to do with her sister, Tuney, who was usually a bit spiteful and cruel. She loved her sister dearly, but she never made her life easy. She tried to appease her sister, but nothing ever worked. It only got worse when it was officially the first day of summer. 

It was unbearably hot and their mother had convinced the both of them to take a stroll, maybe go visit the lake and rest under the shade the trees nearby provided. Lily was all for it, she loved to be there and she hoped that perhaps that she and her sister could bond. However, when they arrived, something unusual happened. 

Still upset that not a single flower had bloomed all spring, Lily closed her eyes and wished that the usual splendor of daffodils, lilies, daisies, and tulips would bloom all around them because then maybe Tuney would fall in love with the place like she did and would like to be around here more often, with her. The moment Lily opened her eyes, she was memorized that flowers all around her began to sprang from the ground and bloom all on their own, defying nature. Tuney had screamed and hid behind a nearby tree. She watched in horror as Lily reached down to touch a flower and, immediately, a vine of flowers had begun to wrap itself around her head, blooming beautiful daisies in a flower crown.

“Freak!,” she screeched. “You’re a freak. You did this didn’t you?! Wait until our parents hear about this!”

Before Lily could do anything, Tuney had ran towards their home. Tears began to form in her eyes and she could not stop herself from crying. She had no idea what she had done. Maybe she was a freak. As she cried longer, the flowers around her began to wilt and clouds began to fill the sky. 

“You’re not a freak,” a voice said behind her. Lily quickly turned around, eyes and nose red and cheeks stained with tears. Right there, behind a tree, stood a boy her age. He was nothing impressive, very dull and sad. His clothes were stitched and had many patches. His clothes didn’t match at all and Lily didn’t think they fitted him very well, his limbs too lanky. His skin was pale with black eyes, a thin mouth, and sullen cheeks that were purposefully hidden behind lanky, inky locks. His nose, she noticed, was a hook one, similar to the one her grandfather had. To most, he wouldn’t exactly be called attractive. 

She’s seen him before, always from afar, around the neighborhood. He too was always alone, never accompanied by anyone. She’s heard rumors about him, how sad and poor his family was. How cruel and unusual he and his mother were. That his father was a bad man, a drunk. Tuney had once called them the “low-lives” of the neighborhood, infecting the area with disease and filth. Lily was almost hesitant to say a thing or approach the boy. The boy, thankfully, kept his distance, but he continued to speak.

“You’re not a freak,” he repeated. “You’re just like me.”

Her brows furrowed in confusion. How could they be the same?

“You’re a witch.”

A witch. A witch, he said! How cruel! Lily was never one for violence, but she would not tolerate such mean words. And so, she threw a rock. She missed but that was because he ducked. Barely. 

Raising his hands in defense, he continued. “I don’t mean to cause offense, but it is true. Haven’t you ever done something you couldn’t explain. Haven’t you felt a surge of power, something warm and brilliant? And then suddenly something you wanted appear or something had miraculously changed colors or shape? Maybe you got so angry and caused something to combust?”

Memories flashed in Lily’s head. He was right. This was not the first time. Tuney had once taken her favorite bear, she cried and cried wishing for it back when it had appeared out of thin air. Tuney had screamed at her, for going into her room, but she didn’t. Or the time her aunt had gotten her a white dressed that she dirtied and ripped by accident. She prayed and prayed for the damage to be gone and it did. It had mended itself until it was good as new. There were other times of course, like how she caused her plush unicorn to fly around her room. She told her parents before, but they played it off as nothing more than a child’s imagination. After constantly being dismissed, Lily never spoke about it again. It mostly stopped happening as she got older, smaller in degree and farther apart. This was the first time that someone other than herself had seen her do it. 

“I’ve done it before myself. You and I, we aren’t like the other kids. Haven’t you noticed or wondered why they never seem to go near us? It is because they know, they know we are different. We are special, we can do magic and they can’t. There is a whole other world with people like us, who do magic freely. There is even a school called Hogwarts. My mum told me about it because she’s a witch too.”

At first, despite the evidence, Lily still thought that this boy had lost his marbles. Magic just couldn’t exist, could it? He spoke more about this school called Hogwash or something, telling her stories of his own ‘accidental-magic.’ Even if Lily felt like she shouldn’t talk to him, it has been so long since she spoke to anyone other than her family. And she could see the same in the boy. He kept his distance, very hesitant in his actions and with his words. He looked scared like she would hit him or push him away. There was comfort to know that she wasn’t the only one scared with talking to someone. 

After a while, she began to ask questions and he answered them as best he could. Before she knew it, it was late at night and her mother was calling for her for dinner. When she stood up, the boy gave her a weak smile. It was very vulnerable.

“I have to go,” Lily began. “Can I- can I see you tomorrow?”

The boy looked at her surprised, but he nodded. 

“I’m Lily by the way.” She stook out her hand and he looked at carefully before grabbing it in return. A bigger smile blooming on his face.

“I’m Severus.”  

His smile was better than any flower that she’s ever seen. 

Ever since then, they have been irresistible. They always spent their time together, talking, joking, playing small pranks on Tuney. They would lay on the grass by the lake, some times doing nothing or just watching the clouds. They talked about magic and how they were going to Hogwarts. Severus would move his hands as he talked. They were sure to be in the same house, he told her. And how she would love to be there. He would teach her everything she needed to know about magic, especially potion making. Lily would laugh and assured him as well. 

It went like that for the rest of summer until they both got their Hogwarts letter. Lily was so happy the moment she saw it, she screamed happily and practically ran out the door to make her way to Severus’s house. 

She had never visited it before, Severus always refusing, but she knew where it was. Everyone did. It was the small house at the end of Spinner’s End, the lonely house, dark and broken. However, Lily didn’t let it stop her. She was too excited. 

As soon as she passed the broken gate, she knocked rapidly against the old wooden door, crying Severus’s name. Quickly, the door opened to a women.  She was very thin and frail. Her skin was pale and her hair was just as black as Severus. Lily could see reminiscences of beauty that has long since faded and were instead replaced with sorrow. She could barely stand straight, hunched as she clutched the door.  There were scratches on her fingers and a dark mark on her neck and yellow one on her cheek. Her eyes scared her the most, they were just as dark as Severus’s, but they were empty and lifeless. Lily took a step back, apologizing for the disturbance. However, before the woman could say a word, a booming voice had stopped her. 

“Who the hell is it?” said a deep, dark voice. The woman immediately stiffen and fear began to crept in both of them. Heavy and uneven steps made their way towards the door, each one causing a flitch to the woman. It wasn’t long before the woman was pushed out of the way and the door was swung open, hitting the wall behind it. 

A tall, thin man appeared. There were some physical characteristics that Lily could see in this man in Severus. Especially the nose. Except his eyes were a deep brown, narrowing in suspicion and a dark scowl took over his face. His breath smelled of alcohol like when her cousin Dan had too much to drink. He loomed over her causing her heart to race in a painful way.

“What the fuck do you want,” he asked. Lily felt her throat close up and she could not speak. This man filled her with such fear that she’s never experienced before. Before she could say anything, Severus appeared behind the man. 

“She’s here for me,” he said. He stood tall, his chin angled high, but his stance was shaky and she could see fear in his eyes. The man turned around and sent him a glare. “For you? Now what in God’s name does Marlow’s daughter got to do with you.”

Severus didn’t speak, but the moment the man moved, he flinched. The man turned his eyes back to her. “Look girl, get out of here. I don’t want to see your face. Didn't your parents tell you not to come over here? Now get!” He said and slammed the door in front of her. But just before he did, Severus sent her a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes for the fear still lingered there. Taking a few steps back, Lily didn’t know what to do. She flinched when she heard a crash and nearly fell when she heard a scream. Fear struck her, but before she could do anything, the window from the side slid up and Severus was climbing out, but before he could make it out, two strong hands grabbed his ankle. Severus cried out and tried to break free the best he could. A small broken bag fell to the ground so he could hold on to the window. Lily rushed forward and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards her. After a few harsh tugs, Severus fell forward. Quickly, they gathered his things and ran. They didn’t stop until they were in the comforts of her backyard, hiding behind the rose garden and the trees. 

Heavy breathing filled the air and Lily watched with wide eyes as a scratch was bleeding beneath Severus eye, a bruise forming from at the end of his chin. After a while, they were able to calm their breathing. There were so many things Lily wanted to say, so many things she wanted to do, but before she could do anything, Severus dug into his bag and pulled out his letter. A smile made its way to his lips. 

“I got my letter. I was going to come over, but I wanted to gather a few things before I did. It’s really going to happen Lils, we’re going to Hogwarts!”

For just a brief moment, she felt herself forget what had just happened, but she snapped out of it. She reached for his face, to examine the damage and to ask what had happened, but Severus pulled away and shook his head. His eyes became blank and a frown made its way to his face. 

“D-don’t touch it. I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. It is just a scratched, I tripped going up the stairs.”

Lily’s lips thin and disbelief filled her eyes. That was not caused by a trip! It wasn’t the first time that Severus used that excused. It was always one thing or another. Claiming it was just him being clumsy, but she’s seen the way he walks. There was only grace. 

Lily never really could recognize the signs of abuse then, never experiencing it herself or being told what it was. She knew there was something wrong the first moment Severus had visited her with a black eye and a split lip. He played it so smoothly like all the other times and he was always able to distract, capturing her attention with a new discovering or a book he was able to snag from the trunk his mother had hidden in the basement. It was her school trunk that held all of her old books and an old cauldron.

It went like that for years. It never really stopped because he always got better at hiding it. Lily never let herself forget how she always put all the signs in the back of mind, lost and never really thinking or saying anything to anyone. It never really mattered then. Even though it mattered every time she saw him with a new mark.

________

When they had arrived to platform 9 ¾, they shared shit eating grins. Severus came with Lily and her parents. They both wished them well and hugged them until they couldn’t breath. Severus’s expression was always the best, he always looked so shocked when it happened. Like he never experience comfort or love from his family. A strange thought that is. 

Before they knew it, they were in a compartment and waving out the window to her parents until the train began to move and they were nothing but dots in the distance. They talked rapidly, excited for what was to come. It was finally going to happen! Lily had never felt more excited or happy in her whole life. It was all so surreal and she couldn’t believe she was going to be in the greatest place in the world with her best friend. 

What felt like hours was only actually a little pass half an hour before there door was slammed open and three boys tumbled in and slammed the door closed. They were breathing hard and laid on the floor or on the seat exhausted. Before they could say anything, a large boom broke out and they began to laugh hysterically. There were cries and screams from outsides, yells of anger and threats. After a while, they calmed down and Severus gave her a look which she just shrugged in reply. 

All three boys stood up, congratulating each other on a job well done. Lily saw Severus roll his eyes at the corner of her eye, she smiled at him, capturing the attention of the boy with the glasses.

“Well, if my eyes deceive me, there is an angel on this train. Who might you be, beautiful?” he said it quite smoothly and Lily could not stop a blush from forming on her cheeks. The other two boys turned around and looked at her. She felt her face heat up more before Severus cleared his throat and they all looked at him. 

“She’s Lily and I’m Severus. And who might you be?” Severus said in that tone of his that he often left for Tuney, dripping with snark. She smiled at him again. It was such a Severus thing to do.

“I’m Potter. James Potter,” Potter said with a wink towards Lily. “And these are my partners in crime, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.”

Lupin gave an awkward wave while Black had bent down and grabbed Lily’s hand, giving it a quick kiss. Potter sent him a dirty look and pushed him out of the way so that he could sit right next to her. 

They bombed her with questions. She tried her best to answer and to ignore Potter’s weak advances and cheesy lines. She tried to get Severus to talk, but he always refused or Potter had changed the subject for them to talk. She did not fail to notice the looks he sent Severus. They were at first pleasant, but something flashed and they would darken. It went on like that until they started to talk about houses.

“I reckon I’ll be in Gryffindor,” said Potter, puffing his chest. Sirius nodded in agreement. “It is, of course, the best house there is. House of the brave that is.” Sirius reached his hand out and Potter did the same, shaking their hands and nodding their heads foolishly. 

“Me too,” Sirius said. “What about you Remus?”

Lupin thought about it for a moment. “Well, I definitely wouldn’t mind being in Gryffindor,” Potter and Sirius did the weird hand shake again, “but I would be lying if I didn’t want to be in Ravenclaw.”

Black shrugged. “It is a good house too, I supposed. How about you two?”

“Well, I don’t  know much about the houses. I think they are all important from what Severus has told me. I honestly don’t know what house I’ll be in.”

“A girl like you will definitely be in Gryffindor,” James said. Lily was unsure, but Severus ended up agreeing with James.

“You really think so Sev?”

It went unnoticed to Lily of the glare James sent to Severus, but Severus did. He sent him a wary look. “ Of course Lily, you are truly brave and courageous. You care a great deal for your family and would do anything to protect them.” Lily smiled.

“And you too of course. I will always protect you too, you know.” Severus returned her smile. 

“And you,” Remus ask, directing the question to Severus who had yet to answer. He cleared his throat. “Well, I don’t think I’ll be in Hufflepuff. I don’t exactly share the same recklessness Gryffindors do, so probably not that house either. I suppose Ravenclaw or Slytherin if it were really were to come down to it.”

Immediately, both James’s and Sirius’s eyes darkend.

“You would become a snake?” spit out Sirius. “They’re nothing but cruel bastards if you asked me. That whole house is dark. They hate muggles and muggleborns. All they do is play with dark magic and treat everyone like dirt.”

“I heard,” began James, “that you know who is recruiting students from that house. No doubt Malfoy will be one of them.”

Sirius nodded his head. “I pray I don’t end up in that house.”

Severus had stiffened, but Lily didn’t know why.

“You know who?” she asked. Sirius and James both leaped to their feet and their eyes had widen in shock surprise.

“You mean you don’t know who he is?”

“He’s only the darkest wizard of the century.”

“He’s a dark wizard, gathering people just like him. They hate everything related to muggles. They want to get rid of them. “ James and Sirius shared a look.

“I heard that they have killed people before.”

Lily gasped in surprise, covering her mouth in horror.  

“He came from Slytherin you know,” James continued. Both Remus and Severus were uncomfortable. “That’s where he gets his followers. All of them are just no good.”

“Not everyone that goes to Slytherin is destined to be a dark wizard or his follower,” said Severus. James and Sirius both sent him a murderous look.

“And I supposed you will be one of them, huh? You look like the type to join them. Look at you! You look no good like the rest of them, bet you hate muggles don’t you” said Sirius through his teeth, glaring daggers at Snape. “You don’t know what it is like to be with people like that. They’re cruel and won’t hesitate to strike you down.”

“I think I know a lot more than you think.”

Sirius scoffed. “Bet you’re the one doing the damage, aren’t you? I bet the moment the hat sorts you into that blasted house, you’re going to go use dark spells and torture others too.”

Lily could see Severus getting aggravated. Before any one of them could do more damage, she began to push them out. James had yelped in surprise and Sirius had tripped. Remus walked out on his own, apologizing before Lily slammed the door and bolted the lock. 

“What a bunch of jerks,” she hissed to Severus. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

When Lily looked up at Severus, he was looking away, his face stone and cold.

“Sev?” she said, making her way towards him. “Don’t listen to them. Even if they’re right, I know you. You aren’t like that. You will never be like that. You are just too nice, because underneath all that snark and heated glares, you’re just a really nice guy.”

Severus sent her a look and she sighed in return. Sending a hair through her hair, Lily came up with idea. Sticking her pinking out, she looked Severus right in the eye.

“I promise to stick by you, through thick and thin. I won’t let anything go between us. Even if you were to go into Slytherin, we will still be best friends. It is us against the world. So what do you say?”

Severus looked at her pinky and then back at her. Rolling his eyes, he smiled fondly at her and her own smile widen when he locked their pinkies together. 

“Us against the world,” he repeated. 

_________

True to their word, they remained best friends even though they were sent to different houses. It didn’t change a thing, Lily told Severus. They spent all their free time talking, reading, practicing, doing homework, and just spending time with each other. It was absolutely the best. Despite James’s advances, she absolutely refuses to pay him any attention. She avoid him as much as she could. The only time she speaks to him is when she is yelling at him for playing a prank on Severus, chasing them away with her wand. He would cry out and run down the hall, exclaiming his love and devotion to her. 

James was an IDIOT if he thought she would just fall in love with him, especially if he continued to act like a child and bully Severus like he has the right. It always made her get so mad. The only one she tolerated was Remus. He was kind and they always had great discussions about magic. Plus, it annoyed James to no end. 

She supposed Peter was alright, always following them around, never doing anything for himself or speaks for himself. There was just something about him that Lily couldn’t place that made her skin crawl. She was pleasant to him as always, but never sought his attention. 

Surprising herself, she made several friends like Alice and Molly. Molly would always make jokes about how ‘us redheads need to stick together.’ It felt so good to be here at Hogwarts.

The rest of her years were about the same, always learning something new and Severus and her going on their own little adventures. 

Back then, Lily would notice changes with Severus. He was a lot more tough around the edges, always careful and standoffish. She guess it was because of James and his friend, but it got worse as the year progressed. Severus would talk to his housemates, which was nothing wrong with that, but he always spent his free time making potions or reading books about dark magic. He became enthralled with it. And whenever he was with his housemates, his personality would do a 180. He would have a blank look and his eyes were always dull and empty. His words became sharper and aimed to hurt, striking and poisonous. He always had a smile with her, but she felt like she was losing him. The words of James and Sirius from the train all those years ago rang in her head. She didn’t want to believe it, but she was scared of the signs. Surely they weren’t right? Severus would never do anything cruel or malice. 

She tried to bring the subject up, talking about it carefully as she could, but Severus always shot it down and would change the subject. It hurt that he wouldn’t confide with her. There was something clearly wrong with him, she could see it. It laid beneath the surface, dancing in the shadow of his eyes, but he never spoke a word of it. Always hiding whatever it was, the dangers of his house and the dangerous that kept him out of reach. 

Sometimes she wouldn’t let it stop her, she would confront him and he would strike back with cruel words that were meant to burn. They did, but she always fought back. She refused to back down. He was her friend, her very first friend and she be damned if she lost him to those...those snakes. 

After a few more years, they began to drift apart. She could see it everyday and it scared her. She didn’t know what to do and it scared her. She was losing him and she didn’t know how to help him. 

It got to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore. Everyday she tried to reason with herself that Severus would never turn dark, that she needed to have more faith in him. He was good, she said. She’s been saying it for years and until there was concrete evidence that even hinted that she was wrong, she will not give up on him. But it seemed fate was a bit cruel. When she protected him that day in their sixth year, when he said that word,  that was the last straw. She lost him then. She felt her heart break, the terrible word ringing in her head. She couldn’t stop the tears from coming and ran as fast as she could. She heard Severus call for her, but she refused to go back to him. As soon as she said the password and entered the common room, she released an ugly sob and cried harder. 

Warm arms wrapped around her and she cried into a strong chest. It was James. He whispered comforting words and rubbed her back until she felt so exhausted that she couldn’t cry anymore. 

“It is for the best,” said James. “You can’t save everyone. He was doomed from the start. You cannot blame yourself. You tried, tried harder than anyone else.” 

After a few more careful words, James led her to the staircase and watched as she walked to her dorm, he couldn’t follow for the enchantment would pull him back from entering the girls’ dorms. She waved and said her thanks and crashed onto her bed the moment the door closed. 

She felt so weak and felt like a failure. She couldn’t save him, no matter how many times she tried, no matter how many times they fought, it was all for naught. Nothing worked. Anguish filled her and she knew there was nothing else she could do about it. After today, she would give up. It pained her, but it hurt her more to know that Severus was no longer the same person she knew all those years ago. He was different now and she didn’t who he was. She couldn’t bare it any more. 

_________

After that, she ignored Severus, refusing to give him the light of day. No matter how many times he begged for forgiveness, and as it pained her, tugging at her heart and her will, she had to remain strong and refused him. It made her feel terrible, worse than before. 

She spent more time with James, they’ve been getting along better than they ever had. He comfort her, never seeking anything from her other than to be with her. He kept his boundaries, but always made sure that she knew that he was there. He filled the empty void that Severus left. 

They tried dating once. It was small thing, hardly worth talking about. Nothing good came out of it. It felt nice and she felt loved, making her feel special and wanted. She knew that James wanted more, but she could never bring herself to go farther than hand holding. 

It went like that for a while until she ruined that too.

Lily was walking one day, just to wonder and think about nothing. James had practice that day and she never really cared to watch them practice, as exciting as it might be. She just wasn’t in the mood. James smiled like he always did, but she saw pain in those hazel eyes. He was upset, but he didn’t say anything. 

She never really expected to find herself near the boys bathroom. It was completely by accident. As soon as she noticed, someone walked out. It was Severus. He stood shock, not believing that it was her. She swallowed a lump in her throat and took a step back, but not before noticing that there was some blood on the floor. His hand was dripping blood. Her eyes widen, but Severus followed her gazed and clenched his wound on his wrist. And then he ran. 

Lily stood rooted to the floor. So many thoughts ran through her head. She tried to follow him, but he was gone. She looked for him, and she could not find him. Fear struck her, not knowing if what she thought that was was really what it was. During her search, she ran into James. She explained what she saw, but James didn’t look particularly concern. She pleaded for him to help her and he did. They spent hours looking for him with no luck. 

James had led her back to the Gryffindor Common Room and she started to cry again. It was in that moment of weakness when she kissed James. There was no spark. No thrill. Nothing noteworthy. It was just a kiss made out of desperation. She could feel James disappointment along with her own. Despite James’s claims, she always knew that nothing could ever come between them. It was selfish of her to use James’s emotions like that and apologized right afterwards. James shook it off, giving her a force smile. It became awkward after that. They still spent time with each other, but it felt like there was another barrier between them. 

The next day, she saw Severus alive. His wrist was banaged, but it was hard see underneath his robes. She did not approach him. 

___________

Despite the fault in their relationship, James and Lily stuck together. They had gotten passed their moment and decided to remain just friends after a long and awkward talk. One night, they had both fallen asleep on the couch, doing homework together. They woke up to Sirius laughing, talking about something about Moony, Remus she corrected, and Severus. Her eyes narrowed when she heard the nickname that they gave him. Sirius whispered excitedly in James’s ear, making him look sick. She didn’t really hear much, but before she knew it, James was running out the door. Sirius called for him, but he didn’t turn back. He didn’t come back all night. By the next day, James and Remus had met them at lunch. They were both tired and sporting bandages and scratches. James was ignoring Sirius and it left a very tense mood in the air. 

From her line of vision, Lily saw that Severus was not better. He was in a similar state. Worry filled her along with dread. James never told her what happen that night, but whatever it was, it was not good. A few days later, she heard screaming and a door slamming. James was upset and had ran out the door before she could say anything. Remus and Sirius hot on his trail. 

She didn’t know what it was, always being kept at arm's length, in the shadows. She never felt so alone since the time before she met Severus. She felt like a kid again. 

________

Severus never sought her after the end of their sixth year and she didn’t either. James wrote to her all summer.He was the only person she seemed to talk to now a days. She never realized how alone she was before Severus came into her life. Her parents were worried, sending her pitiful looks and treating her carefully like she would cry at any moment. 

As the summer continued, she was completely dependent on the letters James sent her. He was having a lot of conflicting feelings about someone that James refused to say the name of. He couldn’t decided if he liked them or not, let alone if he was interested in them in a romantic way. It was because so many things weren’t adding up and at the same time they fitted perfectly. It was nice to hear him complain about someone, it took her mind off things. Sometimes she wondered if her and James could have worked things out, but then she would realize it was really for the best of the both of them. Maybe in another life, things would be different. 

James wrote to her nearly every day since the first one, each one long with ramblings. James was very unsure of his feelings. He didn’t know what to do and, as far as she knew, he didn’t really talk about it with anyone other than her. He was still on rocky terms with Sirius for reasons she still didn’t know why. She helped as best as she could, but she never really got the full picture until next year. 

Severus had seemed to be doing fine, but he was a lot more thinner and looked to be more sick than ever when she had first spotted him at the Welcoming Feast.  Worry filled her again, but she looked away as the ceremony began. A terrible feeling filled her. It only got worse when Professor Dumbledore announced the beginning of the Triwizard tournament a few weeks later.  

Of course she was excited, who wouldn’t be? She knew it would be dangerous, but she couldn’t find herself to scold James or Sirius on the matter. They were finally acting like they used to after so long. 

Everyone talked about it, the whole castle was in a buzz as they all guessed who their champion would be. As much as she believed in James and Sirius, she couldn’t fight the feeling that it wouldn’t be either of them, and she told Molly and Alice so, even if she didn’t have the slightest clue of who it could be. 

The last person that she suspected would be Severus. There was no reason for him to enter. It was dangerous and as stupid as he could be sometimes, he wouldn’t do something so reckless. When Dumbledore called out his name, she was in shock. She was in complete disbelief. There had to be a mistake or a prank because he would never. Unless someone did it without his permission. Worry bloomed within her, but as she watched Severus go, his steps were sure and there was no indication of whether or not he put his name in or not. He caught her eye for a second, but he kept his gaze with James. Everyone talked about it as soon as everyone was dismissed. Everyone was in a frenzy, especially Sirius, but James was quiet. It was only when he led her to the lake, did they talk about it. 

Neither of them could come up with any good conclusions. It didn’t make sense. After a while, Lily sent him off. She knew that Severus would come. James agreed, reluctantly, but it was for the best. She didn’t know where they stood at the moment and it would be better if it was just him and her. 

When Severus came, she felt her eyes fill with tears like so many times before and she could not help herself from hugging him. It had been so long since she’s last seen him so close, so long since she's last felt his touch, his warmth. He didn’t hug her back, but he didn’t push her away either. After a while, she was able to collect herself and she began to yell at him, hitting him as she went. 

When Severus explained himself, which he did a terrible job at, guilt filled her. He was right. She didn’t understand. She didn’t get it because she didn’t know what it was like. It was her ignorance and his failure of communicating with her that led to them separating. It was both their faults. It hurt, to know that she let her weakness get to her. They both should have tried harder. It was useless to fantasize about the past. It was done. Nothing could be done but to move forward.

They went to bed afterwards. That night she promised to not give up on him. He needed her more than ever and she will not fail him again. She stood her ground when she sat next to him at breakfast. It was risky, she knew. But she needed to make a point. He didn’t need to protect her. She knew what she was about and the risk of being with him, but she didn’t care. It was them against the world, and she was going to fight for them stronger than ever. 

_______________

The progress was slow and fast at the same time. It felt dreadfully awkward the first few times, but she needed to make sure he knew that she wasn’t giving up on him this time, that she will be there for him. She knew that Severus wouldn’t ask her to be near him, she saw it in the way he moved and how his mouth would twitch when he wanted to say something, so she invited herself everywhere he did. She could see the relief in his eyes. After awhile, he got used to and they were falling back into old habits. It started simple, sitting together in class, doing homework in the library, eating meals together. James kept his distance which helped with a lot of the progress. As more days went on and they started to worry about his status as a champion, they began to spend a lot more time with each other. Sometimes, it would feel just like it did. They would make jokes. She remembered the first time he did it.

She didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, too busy studying for her ancient runes test. Her hair was all messed up and she had bags under eyes.She didn’t even bother looking in the mirror, she knew she wouldn’t like to see it. Didn’t mean it would stop anyone from commenting on it.

“Is something wrong,” asked Severus when he caught sight of her. He was grabbing a roll and started to butter it. 

“No. Why, what gave you that idea?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Severus rolled his eyes, “maybe because you look like shit.”

Lily was wide awake then and Severus froze in shock, knife and bread still in hand. People around them fell silent. Personally, she felt a little offended, but it also felt like a memorable moment.

“Well,” Lily said, filling her plate with eggs. “At least you’re honest.”

And just like that, Severus blinked away his disbelief. He was still waiting for the repercussion, but it never came. Lily smirked at him. Ever since then, it truly felt like old times. He still bounced around her, but he was more open and his snarkiness return to full blast. 

_______

When Lily finished her test, she was allowed to leave early. She was making her way to Hagrid’s hut, hoping to catch Severus before their next period. He told her earlier that he was probably going to go visit him. It was surprising to learn that Severus and Hagrid got on well. It was nice for Severus to make new friends, especially nice ones like Hagrid who was such a carefree and gentle person. 

The last thing she thought she would see would be Hagrid crying over Severus’s limp body. From a distance, she could see blood and bruises. She ran towards Hagrid, asking what was wrong.

“I don’t know. I was just coming back from tending to the petunias when Fang started to bark mad. I came over and I-,” Hagrid was crying heavily and whipped snot from his nose, hiccuping as he went. “And I just saw like this.”

Lily checked Severus over. She sighed in relief when she found that he was still breathing. “Hagrid, we need to take him to see Madam Pomfrey.”

Hagrid nodded and scooped Severus up easily. Lily gathered her things and Severus’s before running to catch up with Hagrid. She skipped the rest of her classes, much to the annoyance of Madam Pomfrey, but she didn’t tell her off. Not like she would have anyway. 

As soon he woke up she hugged him but than she started to hit him with her book, yelling at him as she went. When she was done, she talked to him like everything was okay.  

______

Lily could see the tension between Sirius and James. Severus explained to her what happened and Lily went off on Sirius like there was no tomorrow. She threw some dangerous hexes his way and had thanked James for helping him but she then punched him for leaving him there. 

After that, her main focuses was to help Severus prepare for the first task which neither of them knew a single thing about. That was until he practically yanked her into an empty classroom after her History of Magic class. She was going to tell him off for being so rude when he had all but shoved a piece parchment in her face. Lily looked at it and then back at him, not really seeing what all the fuss was about. After she read it, her eyes sought his. 

“Flying? Do you think it's a clue for the first competition?” she questioned. 

“I don’t know. I could be or it could be prank from just about anybody. I recognize the handwriting. I’ve definitely seen it before, but I just can’t place who it is.”

Lily took a closer look. It was only a matter of seconds before she regonzied it. She has only been seeing love letters written in that familiar scrawl ever since she came to Hogwarts. She shoved the letter in Severus hand and ran out the door, running to the pitch to find James.He had practiced during this period.

When she got there, she shouted his name and James eventually flew down to meet her.

“What,” he said. 

“Don’t you what me! Did you give Severus the letter,”she hissed. “Flying? Are you pranking him because this isn’t funny. This isn’t a joking matter!”

James swallowed and pulled her along under the stands. Checking around to make sure no one was near, he put a silencing charm around them.

“Look, its not a prank. It is for real.”

“Oh? How did you find this grand discovery?”

James ruffled his hair, biting his lip and fiddling with his fingers. 

“I just do.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “And you just expect me to believe that? Come on James! I need to know. I trust you, I really do, but you can’t just make a claim like this!”

“I was sneaking around the castle at night when I heard some ministry officials talking about it. I didn’t hear everything, but I heard a lot. It has to do with flying. I swear. I won’t lie to you Lily.”

“How do I know you won’t lie to Severus.”

“Because...because I want things to be different between him and I. I know what I did to him for the last six years was unforgivable and I’ve been a total arse about it. You were right. There was more than meets the eye. I-I’ve wanting to change, ever since DADA last year with our patronus charm. I was so sure he wouldn’t be able to do it, and lo and behold, he did.” James laughed. “Can you believe it that he had a doe, just like you. That alone made me rethink my judgement on him, but when his patronus got near mine, I felt electricity. I felt a warmth blossom in my chest. It was amazing, nothing I have ever felt before. And when he called her back, a coldness had filled me. Like I was given the world only for it to be taken back. I didn’t know what it meant, but Moony said something to me that really struck me. 

“‘You know, it is sometimes believed that people who have compatible patronus charms are destined to be soulmates.’ I really thought it was you when you presented a doe, but then he did the same. And when they touched, I don’t know.  I didn’t know what to think then or now. I just knew there was something off. I couldn’t get him out of my head. He plagued me like a disease”

“James… is Severus the person that you have been writing to me about?” Lily asked carefully. She had her suspicions. There was no one else that James felt strongly about, even if it was always in a negative light. She was surprised when he nodded. Not because it was true, but because he admitted it. “Oh, James.”

“Please don’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Because I spent the last six years claiming my love for you only for my feelings to change. To your best friend! To be fair, I’m not really sure what I feel for him. I just know that I can’t treat him the same way I did before.”

Lily understood. She couldn’t be mad. She knew nothing would come out between the two of them. It was still shocking for his change of heart. She was just worried about James and Severus. She wasn’t sure if Severus would ever return James’s feelings. She told him as such.

“I know. I don’t really expect much in return. I kind of deserve it. But I want to make amends. We both know he was never really good at flying. He hit himself with a broom the first time he ever rode one and fell all the time. I want to give him lessons, to help him. I don’t want to sound arrogant,” Lily somewhat doubted that but she let it slide, “but I’m a pretty good flyer if I do say so myself. I think this is the best way for me to, you know, get on his good graces.”

Lily gave him a look. “Could you just extend my offer to him?”

Lily nodded. “Yeah.”

The hard part wasn’t going to be telling Severus, it was going to be convincing him that he needed it. 

He fought about it, like she expected him to. When he saw James at dinner, he froze up and they were just so awkward. So of course she made them sit next to each other. She shared a look with Remus who just smiled in returned and they watched as their friends blush in embarrassment. 

_______________

Lily was eventually able to convince him to agree. Didn’t mean it was easy, but it was for the best and he knew it. 

She wasn’t there for the first practice. She lied when she said she had to go to Hogsmeade, but they needed to work out their difference. Not for the sake of James’s crush, but because it would just be better for the both of them if they got on well. 

It took a lot of convincing for Lily to persuade Severus to at least not immediately attack James with hostility.  He tried, she knew. More than what she could ask for. There was a lot of tense and embarrassing feelings between them that she thought she would die just watching them be in close proximity with each other. 

It was really funny to see how James acted around Severus. He was always so calm and cool when he flirted with her, but he was such a mess when it came to Severus. And Severus was so awkward about everything. Of course he thought James was fooling around, to bring down his guard. However, much to his displeasure, Severus was warming up to James. He was still angry about it and he didn’t fully trust him, not as far as he could throw him, but at least he didn’t hex him at every turn. 

Their progress was really slow. Lily was feeling dread and powerless as she watched Severus fall from his broom. James was getting agitated. She couldn’t help him with this. James was really the best one for the job. It didn’t help that James didn’t even really tell them what it  _ was,  _ remaining tight lip about it. 

They had to take a step back when James had suggested the fly a broom together. She slapped her forehead and James’s failed attempts at being slick. She knew he was really a dunderhead with terrible pick up lines, but to watch it from the sidelines, it was really a terrible sight. It took her all day with some threats to convince Severus to continue his training with James. She scolded James too, told him to keep it in his pants and he blushed in embarrassment. 

_______________

When the first day of the task had arrived, none of them could eat. It was too much and she feared the worst. Anything could happen. She couldn’t bare to be seperated from Severus right before the task, but there was nothing for her to do. She stood helplessly as she took a portkey with James and saw Severus waved them goodbye. 

When the flowing of the wind had stopped, James caught her before she met the ground. The place was freezing and there was ice and snow everywhere. They were in the mountain tops and Lily pushed James for not telling either of them because she knew that he knew more than he was letting on. James took it without saying a word and followed Lily as she walked to the stands, pushing everyone out of the way so she could be in the front. 

It felt horrible to just stand there and do nothing. James tried to comfort her, but she would just shrug his hand away. Fear gripped her and as each minute passed by, it only held onto her harder. 

It was cruel to not know what was happening and to be ignorant to Severus’s wellbeing. It brought such relief to her when people began to cheer and the champions came forward with an  _ avalanche right behind them.  _ Lily ran as fast as she could to meet him and only ran faster when she saw him fall to the ground with Louis. She held his head, watching as blinked bleary eyes in her direction before closing them. James took him from her arms and she followed right behind him as he took him to the medical tent. 

_________

Neither James nor Lily left his side after that. They only left for classes after their head of house assured them that she would call for them the moment Severus woke up. The left only for that. They would return to find Severus still asleep and with Louis sitting right beside him, holding his hands. James tensed right next to her, but she ignored him. 

She never could figure out Louis. From what she’s learned, he was a gentleman and very sought out not only from her school, but his own. He came from a very old and rich pureblood family. By all means, he was attractive and Lily could definitely see the appeal, but what she didn’t understand was what was his interest was in Severus. The most obvious one being that he wanted to get on his good side so that he could trick Severus. It was definitely James’s main argument. But she wasn’t so sure. It was just the way his eyes would roam over Severus. It was so warm, loving, and filled with worry. He could be the greatest actor in the world, but no one could hide feelings in their eyes. It was the weakness of everyone. 

She didn’t think he had any  _ romantic  _ feelings for him, but then again, she didn’t really know much about him other than his background. By all means, he could be completely smitten with him. Only time would tell. 

Despite James’s reasoning and constantly trying to kick Louis out, Lily treated him as a friend and he did the same. He was there as much as they were, but he would leave to study the scrolls that he had gathered. Madam Pomfrey had given them the scrolls for safe keeping and they both agreed to not look at them until Severus woke up.

Lily was looking at Severus, hoping he would wake up soon. 

_____________

When Severus finally woke up, both James and Lily bombed him with questions. They wanted to know everything that happened. When Severus told them about Dimitri, hot rage filled her and she wanted to kill him. 

Things went smoothly after that. They still visited him until he was finally released. She forbade him from leaving the Gryffindor Common room. He needed to rest, she told him. And with his permission, both Lily and James had gone to the Library to research anything related to scrolls. 

One day, both her and James were so involved with their study that they didn’t even noticed that Severus had come in. It was only when Louis had called him out did they see him. 

Lily didn’t know a single word in french, but apparently James did and he didn’t like what Louis had to say at all. When she asked, James bit it out through his teeth. 

“He asked him if he had a date yet, or a  _ lover _ ,” he spit out the last word. 

Lily nodded her head in understanding. It was an odd thing to ask, but she could see where James’s rage had come from. A lover made sense, but a date? What did he mean by that?

She did find out when Severus asked her to the Yule Ball. Of course she said yes, but she wasn’t sure if she should say yes. Louis had already made the implication that he might want to take Severus, but she wasn’t sure that was allowed or not given that they were both champions and James might want to ask him too if he ever gathered the courage to do it. But Severus disagreed. 

It was surely a funny sight when Louis did ask Severus to be his date in the worst and best way possible. The boy sure was brave, maybe a little stupid. She could never wrap her head on what made him think it would be a good idea to publicly ask Severus to the ball. If he had a lick of sense, he would know that Severus hates anything publicly declared or related. Lily still gave him points for it though, as dumb as it might have been. For the life of her, the thought still brought her to tears. 

_________

The incident in potion class was something to remember, if not a little bit frightening. When she listened to James list off the things that pleased him, she recognized that a few were related to Severus. She could practically see the gears working themselves in his head. He thought so too, but there was doubt as his face scrunched up in disbelief. 

Severus ended listing things about James as well, but she was too shock to really enjoy it. Books, ink, chocolate where all things she has always liked. But lavender and a....musk. She could feel her cheeks heat up at the thought. She knew very well who that musk was related to. Her eyes had unintentionally sought out his soft brown ones, but she looked away just as quickly. She couldn’t. She couldn’t like him. Not that there was anything wrong with him or liking him, it was just.... They are friends and she hadn’t even realized that these feelings had developed. It shocked her to her core because everyone knew that Remus loves Tonks. 

____________

Lily needed time to think and she could see that Severus did as well. It was a perfect time to go to Hogsmeade to just get away from everything for a little bit. 

It was glorious, just like the first time all those years ago. It went well and was all good and fun until she saw Remus leading a blushing Tonks out of the three broomsticks. They were talking about school, but it still brought a pang to her heart. Severus noticed her change in mood, but didn’t say anything which she was glad. She tried to not let it get to her because today wasn’t about Remus, or Tonks, or James. It was about her and Severus.

___________

On Monday morning, Lily was surprised that Severus made progress with the scrolls. Finally! Something that they could actually research, but they couldn’t come up with a single thing. The markings on the parchment was all alien to her. She didn't have a clue as to what it could be or mean. They spent all day thinking of what it could be, but they ended up with nothing. She tried on her own when she saw he was talking to James and decided to give them a moment. She spent her time in the library where she ran into Remus. 

He was sitting by himself, looking well rested compared to lunch when he looked absolutely terrible. 

She tried to make an escape by pretending to grab a book from the top shelf, but she couldn’t reach it. She huffed in annoyance but froze when he felt a body touch her own. She watched as Remus grabbed the book for her and offered her a warm smile. She was momentarily daze but was able to say thank you. She had all but ran out the library, ignoring Ms. Pince yell. 

James and Severus had infected her with their awkwardness. 

_______

Lily didn’t think that any of them were prepared for what happened in DADA. When Severus’s boggart had transformed, she felt so weak as tears pooled in her eyes. She watched in horror as his father, that  _ monster, _ hit Severus. She couldn’t stop herself from screaming as she watched him fall to the floor, opening his wounds. It was horrible. The scene was gruesome and the smell of iron filled the air. All around her, students were frozen and crying. Not even Professor Brown was prepared for the sight. His eyes were open wide and his mouth was agape. It was only because Louis was able to break free from their stupor did it finally ended. She watched as he fell to his knees, shaking and scared as Severus continued to bleed. He quickly grabbed him and ran out the room, blood trailing behind him. Everyone had slowly left, talking quickly, each word dripping with disbelief and terror. 

She didn’t know how she got there, but she eventually found herself in the boys’ dorms with Remus, James, and Sirius. Peter was nowhere to be found, but it didn’t matter. 

Remus had just walked out of the bathroom, he threw up the moment they walked in. None of them could really hold it all in for long and he was the first one to break. 

James sat on his bed, head down as it rested against his clasped hands. Sirius was pacing quickly with a look of disgust and shock. 

Tears were still trailing down Lily’s cheeks, but she didn’t noticed. Like she didn’t notice a lot of things. She was so stupid for ignoring the signs for not realizing what they were. Severus was clever, but he couldn’t hide everything. And what did she do? She did nothing! How long has this been going on? Why did it happen at all? So many thoughts ran in her head. But it all boiled down to the fact that she failed him, again. This time, it was truly unforgivable. How could she face him? How could she look at him again without seeing all those bruises and wounds that would linger every time he visited her during the summer. The moment of when she first visited his home flashed clearly in her head. So many things made sense. The reason why she wasn’t allowed to go there, why she couldn’t talk about magic around his dad, or all those excuses for his wounds. 

Oh, Merlin. But it didn’t stop there, did it? He left horrors there for new ones. She wanted to scream at them, how they treated him badly when he was already treated so poorly at home, but she couldn’t. How could she? She was just as bad for not doing anything. She should have tried harder and what did she do at the end of last year? She left him. Alone. He always visited her to get away from that wretched man and he was probably all alone with him all summer. 

All of them were filled with anguish and guilt. For once, Sirius didn’t seem to be his cocky self. He looked older and very tired. James and Remus were no better. She could see it in their expressions. Their years of torment were coming to them in full blast. 

“Did anyone of you guys know?” Sirius whispered. He had finally stopped pacing and he just looked gray and ill. All of them shook their heads no. 


	17. Chess Pieces in a War

Chapter 17

When Severus woke up, he was blinded by a bright light. The smell of bleach and cleaning supplies was the only thing he could smell. His face scrunch up in annoyance and pain as everything came into view. His whole body ached and hot flashes filled his head making it hurt. He groaned and moaned in agony. He knew where he was, how could he not? He just couldn’t remember why he was sent to the Hospital Wing again. The last thing he remembered was DADA class where he- Severus shot up and he screamed in horror and in pain. Something warm and wet clung to his shirt. He couldn’t breath and black spot began to take form in his line of vision. 

Suddenly, two pairs of hands grabbed him. He tried to shake them off, but he was in too much pain and his body was too weak to fight back. Before he knew it, a vial was pressed against his lips and a foul liquid was forced down his throat. Instantly, his body went laxed and his racing heart slowed down. His eyes went blurry with tears. He didn’t even notice that he was crying. 

A heavy weight came over him and he sagged against the mattress and fell back asleep. 

When he woke up again, he was a lot more calmer. The light was dimmed in a warm orange glow. His body still hurt. At least this time, he didn’t dare move. The pain the first time was enough to stop him from doing it again, but his body shook against his accord and his mind ran wild with thoughts, memories, and emotions. 

Everyone knew now, knew what he had tried to hide. Shame and anguish filled him. A soft, bitter laugh escaped him and he felt his eyes begin to burn as he bit back tears. Even so, a disgusting sob escaped him, but nothing else. He wanted to scream, shout, and cry. For the first time, in a long time, he felt like a kid again. Alone, weak, and miserable. Who could he face now? His greatest fear, his  _ weakness _ , was known by everyone. As soon as he leaves the wing, everyone will given him those terrible looks of pity and disgust. He loathed those looks. It made him feel like he was beneath them, as if he was nothing but something to pity and feel sorry for. 

His hands clenched the sheets until his knuckles were white. He closed his eyes and empty his mind while breathing slowly and carefully. When he opened his eyes, he finally noticed that he was alone. No one was there. 

Fear and sadness filled him. Neither James or Lily was there. 

___________________

Severus didn’t know how long he stayed in the wing. No one came to visit him. His only contact was Madam Pomfrey who would give him his meals and check his progress. It was boring and he always felt quite alone. After months of having people constantly at his side, being here with no one made him feel forgotten.

He didn’t know where Lily or James was, even Louis would be nice to have. Anyone would do. But no one ever came. 

He spent his days sleeping or staring blankly at the ceiling, waiting and hoping for someone to come. Before he knew it, Madam Pomfrey had finally allowed him to leave. She cleaned his bandages and gave him a new set of clothes to take with him. 

“Before you go Mr. Snape, Professor Dumbledore would like to have a word with you.”

Severus nodded to her and her lips thinned. She patted his shoulder and walked back to her office to give him privacy. 

After he changed, Severus stood there for a few more minutes before he finally walked out. The castle was deserted. There was no one walking the halls or noise coming from any of the classrooms. As he walked up to Dumbledore’s office, he passed by a window that looked over the quidditch field. As far as he might be, he could almost make out flying figures race across the sky. It was Saturday then. Despite there being no quidditch games allowed this year, that didn’t stop some students from using the pitch, but they were only allowed to do it Saturdays. A lot of people still like to go watch, but the whole bloody school wouldn’t be there. 

Perhaps they were at Hogsmeade or at dinner. Either way, he was glad he didn’t see anybody. If he had it his way, he wouldn't want to see anyone again. Ever. 

The journey to Dumbledore’s office was a long one, but it gave him time to clear his mind. His mind was muddy and clogged, which Madam Pomfrey said it would be for the next week or two given that he lost a lot of blood and went through a...traumatic event. He scowled at the thought. 

In a matter of moments, he was in front of gargoyle when he realized that he didn’t know the password. Severus rolled his eyes. He could just name every sweet possible, it was bound to open at some point. But before he could utter a single name, the gargoyle let him passed and he made his way up. He didn’t know if he should knock or not when the door opened by itself. 

Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, signing and going over papers when he looked at him over his glasses. 

“Ah, Severus, my boy, come in. Come in,” Dumbledore gestured with his hand. The door gently shut itself behind him and a chair scooted itself out for to sit. “Lemon drop?”

Severus politely declined, staring warily at the candy. He was never one for sweets. He would eat his fair share,  but candy from Dumbledore was something he never indulged in. He then denied the tea as well. Dumbledore smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

He cleared his throat and caressed his beard in a thoughtful manner, his eyes never leaving Severus’s. A tingly feeling went through his head, but he gave the Headmaster a dark look and it went away. “How are you doing Severus? Are you well. You’ve been in the hospital for a little over a week.”

Severus frowned. “I’m fine.”

The tingly feeling came back, but he shut it out to the best of his abilities. He glanced away and caught a symbol of a a triangle, circle, and a line on one of the parchments. His eyes narrowed as his mind struggled to piece where he had seen that symbol before. Right next to it was a chess board, some pieces were missing and there was a lone, gray horse at the side.  Before he could think much of it, Dumbledore had pushed the paper away and caught his eyes again. 

Severus didn’t really want to be in any close approximately with Dumbledore. Ever since his name was chosen from the Goblet, Dumbledore had tried to get his attention or have a meeting take place, but luckily for him, he wasn’t available. He was either too busy with his studies, the task, or being in the hospital so there was never a moment for Dumbledore to find him. Especially since he was the headmaster and he was the one hosting the tournament and his attention was required elsewhere. Like Malfoy, this discussion was bound to happen, but that still didn’t mean he had to like it. He tried to prolong it as long as he could, but his hands were tied. He couldn’t avoid it this time. At least now, he could get it over with. 

“I’ve notice that a lot as gone on between you and Ms. Evans. I was...surprised at the end of last year for numerous of things. One being the end of your relationship with Ms. Evans and of course, you know, the incident with Mr. Lupin. However, it seems that it something I no longer have to worry about seeing as you two seem to make up and have even become close friends with James. It pleases me to know that you were able to put your differences aside. I know you might not have agreed with my decision, but it was truly for the best. For everyone. It would be terrible if anything were to happen to Mr. Black or Mr. Lupin.We all have a role in this world and we must all play our part, Severus. Surely you can understand that.” 

_ His differences. It would be terrible if anything were to happen to Mr. Black or Mr. Lupin,  _  thought Severus bitterly. Of course, the old coot would blame  _ him  _ for  _ his bullying  _ and not his trusted Gryffindors. “Of course, this change in a relationship is because you had entered yourself in the tournament. I was very shock indeed when I read your name, my boy. I felt worry for you.”  _ Worry my arse.  _ “And I must know, what it was that drove you to put your name in the goblet. I had expected someone like Mr. Black or perhaps even Mr. Longbottom.”

“I think the reasons are my reasons alone, Headmaster. It is not really anyone’s business other than my own.”

Dumbledore’s lips thinned, but he kept his smile. “Of course, I was merely wondering.” He clapped his hands and continued. “However, now I think we should discuss what happened in your last Defense Against the Dark Arts class. You gave everyone quite a fright.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. He bit his tongue to stay silent. For the first time since he’s entered this school, there was actual heartfelt emotion in Dumbledore’s eyes that was directed at him. His gaze was strong, but there was sadness in those blue eyes. 

“Professor Brown had quickly came to my office in such a rush that I was fearful of almost anything. It was quite a relief to know that it was  simply an accident gone wrong that had lead you to the Hospital Wing again. Imagine my shock when I found out what your boggart had revealed. Had I know that you came from such a terrible home, I would have done everything in my power to find you a better place somewhere else. However, given that it is your last year, I supposed that you won’t be returning there at the end of the school year. You are a very strong boy, Severus. To live an abusive home is not an easy thing;however, you seem to come out rather well, I am proud of you. I hope you remain strong, especially with the tournament and after school. We wouldn’t want a repeat of what happened last week to happen again, now would we? That is all, I had just merely wished to discuss a few things with you. You may carry on as you wish.”

And with that, Severus rushed out the room and ran to his common room. As soon as he saw his room, he bolted in and slammed the door. His breath was ragged and his chest was heavy. Severus didn’t trust Dumbledore as far as he could throw him. He was hiding something. Dumbledore needed to talk to him, he knew that. However, he saw Dumbledore more often than other students. The Marauders, Lily, Malfoy, the Blacks, and himself were constant variables. They were always constantly in the eyes of the Headmaster. They never strayed far away from him. The Slytherins tried, but the Gryffindors bathed in the attention of Dumbledore. Dumbledore always favored his lions, especially a select few. 

Severus rubbed his face. There was a link. Malfoy made sense. He was Death Eater and he had no doubt that the Headmaster knew. He knows that there is some sort of relationship between himself and Malfoy, guilty by association. But the Gryffindors? What use were they? His lips curled in a sneer,  _ he need them _ . A war was coming, Malfoy confirmed it that day he put his name in the Goblet of Fire . He might not have said it out right, but Malfoy was desperate. He hid it well, but he was known for his coy and subtle actions. Manhandling him was anything but subtle. There were only three people that would make him act that way, out of fear: Dumbledore, his father, and the Dark Lord. He knew he was promised to the Dark Lord, but Malfoy wouldn’t demand his presence unless he knew that he was withdrawing from his promise and or because the war was going to happen a lot quicker than what was expected by most. ( Severus was very careful on how he acted around Malfoy. There was no reason for him to even suspect that he had a change of heart, yet he did.The question is, how?) The other houses know of the Dark Lord’s views, but none of them would expect for him to start a war other than one that was political. So far, they remain very dominant in action, but loud in view. There was talk of a possible war, tension rising as each attack in the Prophet occurs, attacks that were never clear of who had started them or for what reasons, but those mindless idiots never really think far ahead. 

Severus wasn’t stupid, it would become a war that would demand soldiers and lives from both sides. Dumbledore wasn’t stupid either. He knows as well. Severus scoffed, it was just like him to judge his students prematurely to decided who would become a problem and who would become an alli. He had yet to challenge Malfoy, but how could he? Malfoy’s father was a strong man in more ways than one. Dumbledore was too, but they both shared the same level of political and social standing. Dumbledore would need more allies, not only in the government, but also in a battlefield. Everyone has a role he said. A role for what? The war? If that was true, then that mean he is going to recruit James and the rest to be his soldiers and they would. They would do it gladly. But none of them could do that if some of them went to prison. 

Pieces were coming together. That was why he never punished them, always letting them get away with everything. They were to be his soldiers, chess pieces of the light. And Severus? He was destined to be the dark, but with the Goblet of Fire, it changed that. He wasn’t even part of the game anymore. His new status and his relationship with James and Lily had changed that and could potentially change theirs too. It would be problematic for Dumbledore if he were to lose his prize pieces. Severus was a gray piece in this war and that made him dangerous for both ends. Dumbledore didn’t say it clearly, but he knew he was smart enough to pick up the threat. If he were to make it difficult, he wouldn’t be surprised if Dumbledore would get him out of the way. He didn’t give a damn about him, not when it was concerning his chest pieces and his strategy. 

And that symbol? It had to mean something. He couldn’t remember what though. He had to tell Lily and James, but as much as they were loyal to him (as of now, though, he isn’t quite sure), they will always fight with their own and that includes the Headmaster. Severus wasn’t confident in himself that they would chose him over the Headmaster. Especially with a war, they would want to fight for him, but it could get them killed. 

This war was so much bigger than him, than them. Whether or not he liked it, they would all get involved with it one way or another. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of confusing emotions about Dumbledore. I believe he was a great, powerful man. However, I always thought he was manipulative. I always felt that he would do anything to ensure the victory of the light. It was no secret that Severus was gifted in more ways than one, he is a valuable piece before and after he became a spy. I could never imagine why he didn't "recruit" him other than the fact that Dumbledore was a bit prejudiced himself which is why the Order of the Phoenix mostly consist of Gryffindors. At the end of series, I was very shock at how much Dumbledore knew about everything. Everything had fell into place so easily and my conclusion was that Dumbledore had this preset plan way before Harry came to Hogwarts. Any good leader or general would have a plan of action for any moment and I am sure Dumbledore had one too. It was only when the prophecy had come to be that he had to alter it to his advantage, but in this case, this was the war before that one and he doesn't have that kind of information. But Dumbledore is smart and I believe was able to draw connections from the first war that he still believed carried into the second one. With Severus being a gray piece, he is unpredictable now and could run either way. The conclusions that Severus had drawn had actually been my own as to why Dumbledore had always favored his lions besides the fact that they are Gryffindors. They are there for a greater importance, a role that he had designated for them. And while Severus might not fight for the Dark Lord, there is no real evidence that he would fight for Dumbledore either. I know how I want to continue the war and the scenes with Dumbledore weren't really meant to happen, but I had to provide reasons as to why Severus might not like or trust Dumbledore for future reasons. I felt that Severus was able to draw these conclusions a little too quickly and I debated of whether or not I should keep it, but I chose to. It is probably going to bite me in the ass later. Anyway, sorry I haven't updated in a long time. It is exam season and I wrote this chapter when I am supposed to be studying for my Calc II and Anthropology II exams. Oops. I might update again tomorrow? Maybe. Any, I hoped you enjoy. OH BTW the thing with Tonks, I needed drama so as previously stated some people aged down and other had aged up. That is all for now.


	18. Chapter 18

Severus was not prepared for Sunday. He was nervous and fumbled with his clothes as he got ready for the day. He wore simple black trousers with a dark green knit sweater that Lily’s mother made for him three Christmases ago and a pair of old sneakers. 

The talk with Dumbledore made his head hurt just to think about it and made him antsy with nervousness. It didn’t help that not once had James or Lily sought him out. There was not a single letter declaring their worry or relief or anything at all really. Plus, it wasn’t just them that he was a bit worried to see. He was able to avoid everyone Saturday since he was released in the early evening and everyone was at dinner when he went to go hide in his room, but he couldn’t stay there forever. His time there gave him a lot of time to think about things and accept a lot of other things. He was going to have to face the music at some point and it would be better to get it over with. 

He wasn’t really looking forward to anyone’s reaction: the students or the teachers. Least of all the Slytherins. They would prey on his weakness and use it against him, but then again they might not. At a front, they were united, but behind the scenes everyone was on their own.  It eased him a little bit that he wasn’t the only one in Slytherin that came from a harsh home life. Many of the Slytherins grew up with some sort of abuse from their parents, it was a weakness that they all shared, but their families were discreet about it and they didn’t have it projected to a whole classroom that later spread it to the whole school. It was practically publicly announced and it brought him to a great disadvantage. It was bad enough that everyone either ignored him or treated him poorly, it was just going to get worse now. 

Tracing his fingers across his chest, Severus felt a sting that made his heart hurt. In the mirror, he could see a thin scar on wrist that was always hidden by layers of long sleeves. He placed a glamour and pulled his sleeve down for good measure. Abuse he could take and it was the least thing he had to worry in his life. It didn’t hurt him like it used to. 

While it might make him look weak to the school, it also showed his strength. Not only was he able to fight against it and the Marauders, but he stood proud and powerful despite it. It wouldn’t be a tribute that they will immediately realize, but with the tournament, it will be something that will be remembered.  He carried a lot more baggage than most, yet he was still standing tall. It was something that the Slytherins will recognize faster than most. They could always smell power. As long as he doesn’t allow it to show that it had any affect on him, they won’t be able to use it against him. All weapons were only as good as the reactions they brought out. 

Even if the memory was something  that he would rather forget, it did make him stronger. To face his fear. It was abrupt and cruel. However, a weakness was only as strong as much as it was hidden. Since everyone knew, there was nothing to hide and it couldn’t secretly be used against him. He would rather know what is being used against him than the games that everyone plays. 

It would help if Lily and James was there. Despite himself, he had come to depend  on them more than he likes. That was dangerous and a weakness that he can’t hide nor control. People could hurt them in spite of him and they could turn his back against him. Like they were doing know. 

Severus had his suspicious as to why Lily was avoiding him. He had hid it from her like everyone else. It didn’t help that he had known her the longest and was his best friend. He hid something big from her and it probably made her feel guilty that she didn’t realize it sooner.  It was something he liked about her. She was so caring and compassionate that others pain would become her own. James on the other hand...he had his ideas to his avoidance. For the same reason: guilt. It brought some sick pleasure to know that James finally feels something akin to regret for what he’s done. He didn’t imagine it being like this, but that pleasure was something that died as quickly as it came. James was different now, he supposed. Things weren’t like they used to be and while James probably deserve to feel that guilt, Severus wasn’t so sure if he wanted him to feel it again.

A talk will happen, he knew it. It was something that they would have to do to get past this. It was like Dumbledore said, he wasn’t going back there and there would be no point in dwelling the past. There were other things in the world that are more frightening than Tobias which Severus had eventually concluded last night. 

When Severus left his room, he sighed in relief that the common room was empty yet again, but sooner or later someone would come in and he would see everyone tomorrow for classes for sure. Masking his face, Severus  walked out and made his way to the Great Hall. He passed by some students who immediately began to whisper and look at him with shock and pitiful expressions. Severus bit back the desire to scowl and call them out and had instead stuffed his hands in his pocket and made his way with look of without a care in the world. 

When the doors opened, everyone froze and stopped talking. Several students were in mid action of serving themselves, eating, a spoon or fork in midair, and some had even choked on their drinks. He ignored them as best as he could as soon as whispers broke out and sought for fiery red hair and a dork with messy brown hair and glasses. He saw them and their faces matched his. They stood frozen and watched each other carefully. Sirius was one of the few that had choked and his cheeks were slightly flushed, but they were slowly dropping to a ghost like color. Remus didn’t look any better. Severus had took one stepped in their direction and all four of them flinched. He stopped immediately, foot in mid air. Then, suddenly, arms had wrapped themselves around him and all he could see was blond hair and smell flowers and butterscotch. He blinked away the surprise and kept still. Everyone was watching as Louis hugged him. A loud sob broke out and some of the girls looked like they were going to cry because their idol was crying.  

In the corner of his eye, he saw James stand up, but Sirius placed a hand on his arm to prevent him from doing anything further. Catching his eye, Severus wrapped his arm around Louis who immediately stiffen and pulled away. 

“Are you alright?” he whispered carefully. His eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with tears. His voice was hoarse, scratchy from biting back sobs. Severus nodded and Louis wiped his eyes with his sleeves, sniffing as he went. Severus rolled his eyes, but a ghost of smile made its way to his lips. Louis dragged him to the Ravenclaw table where the Beauxbatons kids were sitting for morning meals. They always sat together despite all of them making friends with everyone. It was necessarily for them to always sit with each other during meals, Louis told him one day. 

Everyone still talked and gave him looks, but Louis, surprising, glared at anyone who was rude enough to make it noticeable. Everyone looked away and kept to themselves after that. 

“Severus,” began Louis hesitantly. Severus hummed as he focused on preparing his oatmeal with banana and brown sugar. “Would you care to accompany me to Hogsmeade. That is, if you don’t have a prior engagement.” 

Severus eyes shot up. Sending a quick glance to the Gryffindor table, Lily was looking down, not eating anything and James had a sad look that only got worse when he caught Louis grab his hand to get his attention. 

“I guess I could spare you a few hours of my time,” Severus replied. Severus couldn’t ignore the feeling of brown eyes watching him. 

Louis had continued the conversation by apologizing for not being there when he woke up. He was there on most days, when he could after classes, but his Headmistress had wanted to talk to him and by the time he came back, Severus was gone. He feared the worst that someone had gotten to him, but was relieved when he saw him come in this morning. It continued like that, Louis directing the conversation while Severus ate. Louis avoided the topic of what happened in DADA and Severus was thankful. 

______

The trip to Hogsmeade was a lot more pleasant than Severus would ever admit. It wasn’t as great as when he and Lily would go, but it did have its moments. His favorite still being when Louis had slipped and fell on a patch of ice. He didn’t get hurt physically, but his pride did. A smirk would make its way upon Severus’s face everytime he thought about it.

They went to the Three Broomsticks and Louis had insisted that he paid since he was the one who had asked him in the first place. Severus didn’t argue and had enjoyed the taste of butterbeer on his tongue. They walked and Louis talked for the both of them. He would share his thoughts, but it was only when Louis brought up potions did he really start to engage in the conversation. Louis was apparently very insightful on potions. They didn’t share a potions class with each other and Severus was never able to see his skill. But Louis was able to keep up with him in his discussion and had even looked engaged in it as well.  It was a pleasant surprise. 

The rest of the day went about the same. It was only when they arrived back at the castle had Louis surprised him yet again. 

Severus was going to offer his thanks when Louis had grabbed his hand a gave it a chaste kiss. Against his will, Severus felt himself get flushed, but before he could hex Louis, Louis had gave him a giant grin and ran inside. 

Just because he got away this time didn’t mean that Severus wouldn’t get him later. 

______

As Severus made his way inside, he crashed into Lily at the corner of the hallway. She dropped scrolls and books all over the floor. She started to apologize when she saw who it was and her mouth shut instantly. Severus could see the worry and fear in her eyes and could read it through body language, especially the way her hand would twitch and her chest rose quickly and breathed through her nose heavily. 

“Lily,” Severus said and reached a hand to help her up. She took it, eventually. She didn’t seem to like to be caught in that moment. At a closer look, her hair was all messed up and she had bags under her eyes that made her look pale and sick. Before he could say anything, Lily started to cry and hugged  him as she cried into his chest. It was Louis all over again, except Severus immediately began to hug her back. She cried for a good ten minutes. Several people passed by but Severus gave them a deadly glare that kept them walking. 

When she was done, there was a bit snot escaping her nose and her face was all red. Reaching into his pocket, Severus pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to her. She mumbled a thanks and blew her nose. After a few more minutes of awkward silence, Lily spoke. 

“Severus, you can’t possibly comprehend how terrible I feel. I am supposed to be your best friend, but I was a terrible friend. I ignored every little thing, even when I recognized the signs. I did nothing and you suffered for so long. I should have been there for you. I should have found a way to get you away from that house. I should have hexed the Marauders harder because you didn’t deserve to feel pain here too! God I am such a terrible person for ignoring you last year. I should have said something. I should have accepted your apology. I left you alone..with that monster all summer. How could you possibly want to be my friend when I couldn’t even protect you like I said I would.”

Lily started to cry again. “ I should have known. This is all my fault.”

“It is not your fault. It is mine if anything, from keeping this from you. You didn’t know because I never told you.”

“But I knew the signs! I saw those bruises you tried to hide! I watched as you would lose weight over the summers! I believed all your lies when I knew clear as day that they were lies. I knew what was going on and I did nothing!”

“You couldn’t possibly have know the full extent of it. If it is anyone’s fault, then it Tobias’s. Not yours. And you are the bestest friend I had ever had. I would never have made it this far if it wasn’t for you. You gave me strength, a reason to live, to keep going. I owe you my life. Besides, I will be of age in January, I won’t be going back to that house. There is nothing there for me.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” she replied back.

“Maybe not, but I don’t hold it against you.”

“Well you should! What about your mother? Did she know?”

Severus sighed. This wasn’t something he wanted to talk about in the middle of the hallway. Anyone could be listening and gossip would surely follow. Lily saw his hesitation and pulled him into an empty classroom, leaving all of her things behind. She could get them later. 

When they were secured with a privacy charm, Severus continued. 

“Tobias treated her the same. She tried to take most of the hits while I was kid, but she wasn’t strong enough to fight back then least of as I grew older. She tried her best. Maybe not as much as I would have hoped, but more than what other kids could ask for.”

Lily bit her lip. “Surely you and your mother will leave now that you will be of age?”

It was Severus’s turn to bite his lip. “I would, but she won’t be able to come with me.”

“Why not?”

“Because she died early in the school year. I got a black envelope from the Ministry that told me of her death. She also prepared a will of sorts for me that let me know after I got to Hogwarts. It is just me now.”

Lily clasped a hand over mouth and almost started to cry again. Severus could see the guilt grow within her. 

“You can’t possibly blame yourself for that as well, Lily. You didn’t know and you had no control over  that either. I forgive you. Please understand.”

“How could I? I just feel more terrible by the minute. I failed you as a friend. That is unforgivable.”  
“And what I said to you was unforgivable, yet you did. It was more than what I could ask for.”

Lily wanted to argue more, he could see it, but she stopped herself. This will just be another obstacle in the road for them. They’ll get passed this. Eventually. Now if only he could talk to James, but he avoided him like the plague despite the fact that he constantly sought his attention.  For now, he needed to mend this bridge with Lily. as best as he could. She felt the same. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who totally failed their Calc exam....lmao. HOWEVER, I totally aced my Anthro exam. You win some you lose some.   
> Anyway, here is a quick chapter before I have to get ready for work. 
> 
> BTW. I love how all you guys are excited for what is going to happen next, but I don't even know what is going to happen next. Bit of a problem I think. I'm trying to direct it to the Yule Ball because it is what I have been looking forward to the most because I know something BIG is going to go down when I finally get around to writing it. I already wrote the excerpt for the BIG scene, but I have to figure out how the hell I am going to get there. I'm going to try and update on Thursday and Friday since I don't have work or exams that day.

It felt like they were back on square one. Severus forgave Lily but she can’t seem to forgive herself. He wanted to help her, but this was something that she had to do on her own. All he could do was reassure her that everything was fine, that he was fine. 

He has to admit, it brought a weight off his chest. She knew, and while he never wanted for her to know, there was nothing for him to hide from her now. She reacted the way he knew she would, but through time, hopefully they could get passed this. 

No matter what argument that Lily made, he still stands with the fact that he would never have made it this far if it wasn’t for her. He was the one who chose to hide this part of life from her. He cannot dispute the fact that she might have known and had ignored it, but she didn’t treat him differently because of it. It was something that he preferred. And as courageous and fierce as Lily was, he would never have  her face Tobias again. He would rather go through all the years of beating again to prevent it. The past was in the past, she can’t feel sorry over spilled milk. 

Lily still looked upset most days and she still lacks color in her face and eyes. She still doesn’t eat as much or make terrible jokes like she used to. Most days, it felt awkward. 

Lily was pushing him away again, but he refused to let it happen. He stood by her and as much as she tried to fight it, he could see relief in her eyes, but the guilt clung to her and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

He never said anything to Louis, but there was the silent agreement to not say anything about it  in front of Lily. Some days, Louis eyes would become sharp when he would gaze at Lily or at James, but he would calm down and look regretful. Severus suspected that he blames them for his misfortune. Louis had later told him so a week later.

“They are your friends, they should have known  or at least have done something,” he argued in hush whispers. They were at the back corner of the Library. 

“And do what? Most people don’t recognize the signs of abuse from a household. And even if they had, what could they have done?”

“Oh, I don’t know, tell someone!”

“Which would make it worse. They would have sent me away to a muggle family or I could have been sent to foster care.”

“OR you could have been sent to a wizarding family. You didn’t have to face that kind of abuse. No self-righteous person would ever send a child back to an abusive home.”

“You’d be surprised,” Severus snarked back.  Their voice had slowly escalated to higher volumes, but Ms. Pince never came to yell at them. Louis probably out of a silencing charm up. 

A dark look passed over Louis face, but he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Nothing was done and while that doesn’t mean nothing  _ could  _ have been done, it doesn’t change the fact that it had already happened,” Severus reasoned. “What is done is done. I had long since accepted it. This was my choice to keep it hidden because it was my problem.”

“That doesn’t mean that you had to face it alone. Fuck, Severus. You’re boggart was your father beating your mom and you. You feared for your life at the hands of that man. How does this make it okay?”

“It doesn’t, but I’ve accepted that Tobias is the least of my problems and the last thing I need to fear. There are more important things than dwelling of the nightmares in the past.”

Louis puffed his cheeks in aggravation and groaned loudly, crossing his arms. 

“Have you talked to James yet? Lily at least talked to you about it a bit, but James avoids you like you don’t exist. As if he has the right to ignore it. Every action has a consequence. He needs to face it that he fucked up and should be asking for your forgiveness for all that shit he made you go through.”

Severus’s eyebrow rose. “How do you know about that?”

“People talk, Severus. Everyone couldn’t stop talking about how James suddenly went from throwing hexes to helping you with the tournament. People were making bets if James was just doing another prank. I knew you were smarter than that, so I ignored those talks. Didn’t change the fact that James  _ bullied  _ you. What an ass hat, couldn’t even give you a moment of solace at school. Had to make it difficult for you here too.”

At a time, Severus would have agreed. And while James’s actions now don’t make up for what he did to him for years, it doesn’t change a thing. He would rather just get over it now. But if James was anything like Lily, it would take a long time for him to come around. He wanted to talk to James and he didn’t know why. There was something in him that wanted to talk to him about it, to relieve him of his guilt, but there was another part of him that refused to do anything about it. A dark part of himself relished in the fact that James was suffering for it. He knew that Sirius and Remus was too and it brought a sick pleasure that would come and go. 

Severus didn’t know where to go with Lily, let alone with James. He still needs to find a way to get pass the thing about Dumbledore. Maybe now will be a good time. They would feel so guilty that they would have to believe him. 

Severus shook his head. It wasn’t right to use that against them. 

There was so much for him to do and so little time. At least, winter break would begin this Friday. Severus grimaced. That meant the dance would surely follow. 

Severus brought it up to Louis, anything to change the topic. Louis grinned cheekily at him.

“Realize the lovely Miss. Evans is no match to me? Oh, Severus. You should have taken up my offer when you had the chance. I hate to say this, but I already have a date.”

Severus rolled his eyes, but didn’t press anything further. They talked about how they would spend the holidays and Louis opted to make plans to spend time together. 

“I have to go robe shopping this weekend. Have you gotten your clothes yet?”

Severus nearly sagged into his chair. Another thing he had forgotten to do. He told him no and Louis asked if they wanted to go together to go shopping. Severus agreed mainly because he didn’t know what the hell to get. At least Louis knew what kind of formal wear would be appropriate.

Severus knew that Lily had already gotten her dress. Lily’s mother had sent it to her yesterday morning. However, Lily didn’t look nearly as excited as she did weeks before. 

So much to do in such little time.  


	20. Dark Side of the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who updated like they promised! I did. Just a short note, I might update again and if not, then maybe Tuesday or Wednesday since I have work this weekend and my IB Bio and AP Bio exams on Monday and Tuesday. (Totally passed IB and AP Eng Lit btw). Anyway enjoy!

Chapter 20

The next day with Louis was just as welcoming as it was the last time they went to Hogsmeade. It was still cold, but pleasant as Louis made small talk about a potion article he had read the night before. It was refreshing and relaxing to be with someone who shared his interest as thoroughly as he did. Lily, of course, was very talented in potions and would listen to his rants about a book he read or a discovery he had made, but her true interest lied in Charms and Transfiguration. She could hold her own and she liked that it was something that they could share, but there was just something different when talking about potions with Louis.

Perhaps it was the way his eyes would light up in delight or how his cheeks would puff and redden in passion as he boast and talked excitedly about the subject. His comments and argument about debates on potions was nice.  Despite his mannerism, Louis was very intelligent. And while he might not have a single care about the Dark Arts, finding it mildly interesting, he never reprehened him against his interest. He didn’t see it as a dark subject despite its name and didn’t think any less of him. He would listen and ask questions, but never show any signs of discomfort. It was something that Lily, even now, still didn’t do or show. There was no respect for the Dark Arts from Gryffindors. Well, besides Remus, but that was a given his condition. 

Before either of them knew it, they arrived to the tailor shop in Hogsmeade. The tailor was an old man with white hair, wrinkled face, and a welcoming smile. There were other students walking around, looking at the fabric. 

“And how can I help you gentleman? Looking for some formal robes for the Yule Ball I’m guessing.” His voice was smooth and warm. He directed them to some fabrics and Louis did most of the talking for the both of them. Severus had already told him that he didn’t care what he got him, something black and nothing that would make him look ridicules. 

As Louis and the tailor had a heated discussion of colors and fabric, Severus walked around and looking at all the completed suits that were displayed. The room was well bean shape, a small sitting area near by, and several mirrors were on the walls for easy access. There were small areas that displayed several different types of fabric and a wall dedicated to the different colors offered. 

When Severus made a turn towards the curve at the end of the bean, he froze his shock. There stood James, Remus, and Sirius laughing as they played with the ties and the hats. They made joking faces towards one another as they looked in the mirror and at each other. James looked well. He still had dark circles under his eyes and he appeared to have lost weight, much like the other two, but the laughing did him good. He should do it more often, James wasn’t made to be sad and depress.

Severus knew that if they saw him, they would stop what they were doing and look sick all over again.  It has been a while since his last DADA class and none of them had talked to him or looked at him. The words of Louis ranged in his head.   _ Every action has a consequence. He needs to face it that he fucked up and should be asking for your forgiveness for all that shit he made you go through.  _

Louis was right. A big part of Severus wanted to confront them. He wanted to know if they truly felt guilty for what they’ve done, if they regretted anything. Every action has a consequence. Where would it have lead? What would his life be if the Marauders never met him on the train ride to Hogwarts? Would they treat him the same? Would they have attacked him so thoroughly still? Would he have journed the same road? What would his life be if he had continued down the road he was going? If he hadn’t stopped himself, if he hadn’t entered the tournament, he would have been marked and would have lived the rest of his life miserable just like before. He would die as a Death Eater, alone, and the only person that he had ever cared for him would have hated him more. 

However, there was another part of him that didn’t want to know because what if they didn’t feel regretful? What if  _ James  _ didn’t regret a single thing he’s done? They never really talked about it, too busy trying to train him and Severus too busy dying one way or another. Sure, James had acted different, but did that make him different? How could someone change so quickly? Under what pretence could lead him to act the way he does now? There was no explanation that he could come up with that was acceptable. There were so many things he wanted to know. 

And while he wanted to talk to them like adults, he just wasn’t sure that they could do it. How could they possibly talk about this? Nothing could change the past. A bitterness that laid dormant rose inside him.   James and Severus couldn’t ignore it forever and it came a lot faster then they had wanted. It was something that had to happen because while James might be different and Severus might have missed his presence, Severus wasn’t sure that he could ever trust him or let him be a friend. 

Something deep inside him coiled at the thought. His heart ached but the bitterness shot it down. A cruel pleasure took over at the thought that they were finally be in pain, that their wonderous image was tarnished at their actions, to forever be tormented by it like he was. 

But Severus was never a cruel person, just a bitterman raised in a bitter world. Nothing could change the past but that didn’t mean that there had to be more hate in the future. He doesn’t have to forgive them, they don’t deserve it. But he will accept that it had happened, it had its effects on him, and that it was over. This is how he wanted to handle it, but that still involved talking to them about it. They can’t keep tiptoeing around him. The faster that they get this over with, the faster that things could back to normal. 

The thought of it alone made him tense up. It was the last thing he wanted to do. But Severus had a feeling that the end of the year would not be the last time that they would see each other. Given the war rising, they will definitely cross paths again and when the time came, they will have to fight alongside each other, depending on each other to survive and win the war.  

They needed to at least set their problems aside properly otherwise in a heated moment and under pressure, it will cause problems. However, Severus didn’t want to do it today. Not today and Severus was slowly inching away before they noticed him, but as he walked silently backwards, he crashed in a firm chest. Swiftly turning around with a wand drawn, Severus saw that it was Louis, but he wasn’t looking him. His face was set into a hard scowl and his eyes were sharp as he gazed at the Marauders. It was only then that the Marauders had finally noticed their presence. At first they saw Louis who was looking directly at them and then slowly their eyes trailed downwards and caught Severus’s face. Instantly, their faces had lost whatever color they had possessed and their eyes went cloudy as their mouth thinned. They shuffled uncomfortably. They all stood there, doing nothing. All of them were unsure of what to do, but it was Louis who was going to break the silence. He opened his mouth, but before a single word could be uttered, Severus grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. With one final look, Severus saw pain in James’s eyes has he led Louis away. 

___________________

Remus liked to consider himself an okay guy. He had his talents and his faults and was completely okay with all of them….Well, except the wolf. He lived coincide with the wolf within him, but like everyone cursed with the dreadful bite, he wish it was gone. 

Years he was spent tormented by his peers for the beast that only visited once a month. His parents were careful and caring towards him, never treating him like he was monster that he knew he was. They would try to help him, but they were unable. The only way they were able to control the beast was to lock him in a sturdy metal shed, chained to the rocks inside it. It was terrible for a child to go through, traumatic event, but Remus likes to believe he came out pretty sane despite it. 

It took a long time before he would finally reach the age to go to Hogwarts. He wished desperately to go, but his parents feared that wouldn’t be able to pay for it and that the Board of Governors would deny him entrance because of his new status. As a wolf, he was frightening and would be ripped of all rights. Which is why his parents kept his identity a secret. It wasn’t hard since they lived in a small farm in the outskirts of a muggle village, just passed the river were a Wizarding town laid. 

They were isolated by the dark forest that surrounded their home. As soon as it became apparent that Remus was bitten, they rushed to escape and quickly build a home in the forest. They just left, gone without a trace and had quickly built the shed before the full moon. 

The shed was built with several metals, but the most important one was silver. It was quite cruel for his parents to lock him in a dark room, all alone, and surrounded by the very thing that would kill him. But at least he would not be able to escape and he would hurt no one because if he dead, they would kill him. 

However, despite it all, Remus was visited by an elderly man. He was quite strange with glasses, a long beard, and an obnoxious color of turquoise robes. He offered him candy, which he refused, but was eventually led to a small clearing just around the riverbend. 

His parent had told him to never follow strangers when he was younger, but during the regular days of the month, Remus still obtained his god-like strength. With a bit of pressure of his hand, he would be able to break bones. And while the man was very strong, oozing strength and wisdom, his insimarauderstinct told him no harm would come to him and he followed the old man, reluctantly. 

He was, apparently, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Somehow, Dumbledore had found out about his condition, which he found oddly strange and perplexing. He told him that he would gladly have him become a student for Hogwarts and that he would pay all expenses. 

Remus was quite smart and knew that it was odd for a stranger to just pay for his school, aware that he was bringing in a werewolf to his school were there would be other people around. However, the other part of Remus had always wanted to go to Hogwarts and dreamed of leaving this place. As much as he loved his parents, this childhood fantasy would not escape him. 

Later his parents had arrived back from town and Dumbledore had a long chat with them. By the time Remus was allowed back inside, it was already dark and Dumbledore had already left. His parents had a long talk to him of how they didn’t trust Dumbledore, but it was an opportunity that they couldn’t allow to pass. It would be good for him to go to a wizarding school, like they did, and he would be able to learn so much other than what they can teach him. It was probably the only chance that he would get to go to school because no one else would ever offer. They told him that he had to keep his identity hidden and that Dumbledore had a place set for him for when the time came for his transformations, a small little place where no one would ever go or disturb him. He promised them his protection. 

His parents were frightful of what would happen, he could see it clear as day, but they wanted what was best for him and they had agreed to let him go. It was the best thing that they could ever offer him and he told them so, thanking them profoundly over and over again. 

Before he left, his parents warned him to never let anyone know and he agreed. 

Despite this, the buzz would not leave him and he had crashed right into a boy with crazy, stormy black hair and silver eyes. He was very good looking despite his age, no doubt to become very handsome once he grew older. 

Remus had apologized, but had stopped the moment he saw a grin grace the boy’s lips. 

“How good are you at using a dungbomb?”

_____

Sirius Black was his name. He was very loud and dramatic, and, if anything, very flirtatious. He practically flirted with everyone and thing. He pleasant though after a few minutes of talking to him, or rather Remus stuttering and very unsure of what to say, but that didn’t seem to matter to him as his grin got better and dragged him towards another boy. He was very lanky and tall with round glasses, brown hair, and a devious grin. He was cute in a boyish way and was just as pleasant. 

Before Remus knew it, they were running down the hall of the train, escaping their prank and the riot that would follow. They opened a random door and all tried to get in at the same time and ended up collapsing to the floor. They breathed loudly and laughed when the boom went off and screaming and threats were all they could hear. They congratulated each other.

The feeling was like no other. To just be with people his own age and going to school was amazing, but to be with these two boys, it was electrifying. He felt accepted and important to someone, not just a beast underneath human skin. Remus knew, in that moment, that there was no other place he would rather be than with them. These people, he knew, he could trust. He was never more sure of anything in his life. And while they might or might not ever find out about his condition, he just wanted to enjoy the moment. 

It was also in this moment that James Potter had met the lovely Lily Evans. He could see something darken in James eyes. He rolled his eyes naturally. Of course James would immediately become smitten with Evans. She was definitely beautiful with her fiery red hair, earthy green eyes that reminded him of home, and freckles that graced her skin like stars. She too, as he would later learn, very passionate, loving, and smart. She truly was one of a kind. 

The boy next to her was quite odd. He was not a very handsome in any sense of the word. He had dark black hair that hung like curtains, pale skin, and dark eyes. He looked dangerous, but he had an a soft air around him. He looked like he had a rough personality, but was still a very caring person. 

They soon talked about almost everything. Remus watched Severus and noticed how he didn’t speak much of anything and seem to be ignoring all of them except Lily. He could see the way that James would look at Severus, annoyance and jealousy flashed every now and again, but there was also something that Remus could not place. It was like, they were connected in a way. Two halves meeting everytime they would catch each other’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what it was but before he could think anything of it, things turned sour and they were pushed out by Lily and had a door slammed in their faces. 

James and Sirius were huffing and dark looks grazed their faces and while Remus didn’t approve of what they said, they were his friends now and he would stick by them despite the fact he didn’t agree with them. They soon found an empty compartment and they talked the stress and anger away. It was as if it never happened, but it was something that none of them forgot, always lurking in the back of their minds. 

____________

Years had gone by and their friendship had only strengthen. When they had found about the wolf, they were discourage and grim looks had graced their face. Remus felt his soul crack, but he was very relieved when they asked how they could help him. They wanted to be there and they made plans to make sure that no one would ever find out. They knew each other for four months then and already they were dedicated to each other. There was no one else for Remus because with them and Peter, he didn’t need anything or anyone else. 

They worked and studied hard, looking for solutions to make his “monthlies” more bearable. It was only when Sirius came up with the crazy idea of becoming animagus. It was stupid plan with a lot of flaws, but they did it anyway. It worked surprisingly and it was not long before they created the map. They were unstoppable then.

To be there, with them, was the best thing. The summers pained him when he was not with his friends and he only felt alive when he was with them. Which is why he would not interfere when they became cruel towards Severus. He wanted to help. Every fiber within him burned to stop them, but the fear of losing the most important people in his life stopped him. 

It went like that for years and the guilt would eat him when it would happen. It would dull when he saw that Lily, caring, loving Lily would help him and knew that he would be alright with her by his side. However, as much as it helped him, it was what powered James to torment him. 

Remus wasn’t quite sure that it was not just because of Lily. James was playing a game or at the very least, still not over his boyish crush. It was not love, not like Remus knew what love was, but there was just something about James and Lily being together that had an appeal, but also caused something dark to fill him. They would not work, maybe in another universe they would, but not in this way. It was the way that James was obsessive with Severus, costantly seeking his attentions and touch in the worst way possible. It was odd and there was no amount of research that could lead to answer. That was until DADA with the patronus charm. 

James, Lily, Sirius, Severus, himself, and a few other students were the only ones able to produce the charm. Sirius was a grim, himself a wolf, and James a stag, naturally. Lily was a doe and James teased and flirted with her because of it, but his words stop forming when Severus produced a very powerful doe himself. This one, unlike Lily’s, had captured the attention of the stag. Remus could see the animalistic reaction of it, showing itself as a proud mate that could protect and provide. The wolf within him sensed it and it was shock to see it. 

They were soulmates. There was no other reason as to why James would constantly seek Severus’s attention or why their Patronuses would react the way they did. Patronuses were reflections of the soul, power and strength of love and light giving it its form. The fact that they were drawn was only concluded to be soulmates. 

Soulmates didn’t just run into the muggle idea of a romantic relationship, but with those that were most compatible with you. It could a friend, completely plantoic, a family member, or a lover. It was common for twins to be soulmates, sharing a body and a soul. When it was of people with no blood relations, however, it usually did end in a loving relationship. Remus feared mentioning this James. James might even use it as an excuse to tourment Severus more, but it was completely by accident when Remus had let it slipped that they could possibly be soulmates. 

James had apparead to not have heard him and had acted like he didn’t hear him, but James would stare blankly at nothing and sometimes at Severus. There was look in his eyes that changing into something less dark and more gray. Remus knew that James didn’t know what to do with that information, but it brought great relief when he seemed to be giving Severus some space. Remus was unsure if Severus knew of this….possible change in their relationship. He would be surprised if he didn’t, but it was best that Remus wasn’t the one to tell him. He should be the one to figure it out on his own. 

When James seemed to be letting go his bullying ways, Remus was quite proud and Lily even noted how mature he was being now a days, that was until James made a crude joke and she took it back.

Things felt fine and Remus finally thought that they could at least coexist with one another without throwing a hex. It was rare for soulmates to reject each other, it would eventually cause them great pain and anguish to apart for a long time. And when James was hurt, he got a bit hot headed and that in turn would become mean towards Severus when seeking comfort. James would never admit, but he was always at ease when he was in the same room as Severus. His presences alone brought him comfort, and while their touch was very limited, it was all the more amazing. Remus had no doubt about their relationship between them then. 

That was until the incident that Sirius had pulled. Remus felt himself collapse and a sickness filled him from utter betrayal from his friend. He feared for his life and guilt clung to him from within. He had clawed at his neck  for the heavy feeling in his chest was painful to bare. James was affected greatly, which would explain his sudden change in persona when with Sirius or when he was near Severus. Sirius had broken a trust that would take a long time to mend, but he could not deny Sirius for long. He was still his friend and Sirius had begged and gone a long time without James or himself. It was rough time for all of them. It brought great relief when they started to speak again. They were just returning from resting when James had thrown a hex at Severus and embarrassed him to the brim. And he did nothing then like he did nothing all those times before. 

He felt for regret for Severus, he had nearly killed him and he didn’t reveal his secret for whatever reason, he was silent and he did a terrible job at repaying him. When Severus said that dreadful word, he knew then too that the bitterness within him had reached its peak and he spoke a word that Remus knew he immediately regretted. He lost Lily that day and it brought a heavy tug from within when he would see him begging for Lily’s forgiveness from him. He allowed so much to be taken from and had even participated a few time himself because he was coward and could not face truth or his friends. 

When James and Lily began to talk to Severus again the next year, he was relieved. They were on okay terms and it truly surprised him that Severus was their champion, but was there truly anyone better? Sirius long rants of  _ of course there was someone better, anyone is better than that dirty snake.   _ For the second time, it felt like things were going right. Sirius was still being a prat, but it wouldn’t be him if he wasn’t.

Again, Remus was shook from that spell when his bogart was relieved. He lost everything from within as he threw up, crying as the heavy feeling filled him and he found it hard to breath. From the sick faces of James and Sirius, they felt it too. How could they not? They tormented him, made his life hell, took away his only safety and happiness from him multiple times and for what? Childish rivalry? Jealousy? There was no excuse and none of them knew what to do or how they could face him now. 


	21. Here Comes a Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guess who just updated? Sorry it has been a long time. I was caught in the testing season, final projects for school, and practices for my school performance. Everything is pretty okay right now and the summer vacation is almost here so I will be able to update more frequently again. This is just a quick update to let you guys know I'm not dead. I will not be giving up on this story, I was just busy. Anyway, I hope you don't mind that it is a short chapter. I promise a longer one next time. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to approach the whole James and Severus thing since it is kind of important. The Yule Ball should be next or the chapter after next depending on how I write them. Anyway, that's all! Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 21: Here Comes a Thought

It had been days since the incident at the shop in Hogsmeade. Severus hadn’t spoke a word to James about the incident. He couldn’t fight this feeling within him that yearned for something he could not place. Every time they saw him, they would close themselves up and flee at the very second they could. It didn’t help that Lily, while she tried to be with him as much as she could, couldn’t fight the feeling of shame and bitterness herself and was inching away from him again. 

It brought so much stress. Lily ensured him however that she will still be going to the Yule Ball with him since she had promised she would . When he asked if James was going, her lips thinned and she replied that she didn’t know. She hasn’t spoken to him much after that.  Perhaps then he could confront them when everyone was too busy to notice that they weren’t there. It was his only shot to talk to them about everything. 

Throughout this time, Louis had kept him distracted with homework, stories, and talks about potions and the dark arts. Their discussions were always plentiful and Severus found them to be very interesting.

Louis had been spending a lot more time with him nowadays, glue to his side everywhere he went.  Severus found that he didn’t mind, it really helped to be with someone now that everyone seemed to be ignoring him again. However, Severus noticed that he would be coming a little too close, always grazing him with soft touches that lingered too long too many times. Severus wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Louis wanted something from him. Affection? Love? Touch? Whatever it was, Severus wasn’t sure if he could give it to Louis. There was something in his eyes that glowed everytime he looked at Severus and it brought such a warm feeling inside, but his heart would fight against it everytime. There was something pulling him back from accepting a fate with Louis.   Severus wasn’t sure of Louis’s motives or if he actually wanted a relationship with him, but there was a part of him that wanted to refuse Louis’s advances. 

There was something about it that just felt wrong. 

For some reason, he always found himself thinking of James. James did the same things that Louis did. He too would look at him the way that Louis does and there were moments when they touched that felt electrifying that he could never forget. It was something he was aware of, but he never really spent any time to think about it. There was always something happening or something came up that would distract him from those moments. But since he was always either him Louis or himself, he noticed that he…. _ missed them.  _

Severus shuddered at the thought and a scowl made its way to his face. There was no lost love between them. It was everything but love. Severus will admit that he craved attention and now that most of the positive attention he received this year is gone,it was because now that he had a taste and he hungered for more. There was nothing else that could stand between the two of them. James couldn’t love him nor could he love James. This barrier between them will always exist. They will continue to keep each other at arm's length. Nothing could come between them. He didn’t even think friendship could blossom between them. There were moments before where he was content with James, but those moments were fleeting at best and were short in numbers. There past, while Severus wishes to have it set aside, will eventually rise again and become a problem for them. It was better this way, Severus supposed. Maybe they weren’t supposed to be friends. 

But there was still something inside him that fought against it. Something craved for this connection to live and last. Despite the reality and the truth of the situation, Severus wanted something with James. Anything. 

But there were choices that needed to be made for the both of them about everything. It was all coming too quick and it was straining whatever bridge they had created. The world wasn’t black and white. There was grey mixed in it too, but that’s not how the world runs. James is destined to be in the light and Severus is meant to be in the dark. Even with his false bravo and his title as a Hogwarts Champion, that didn’t change anything. Malfoy or the Dark Lord would come for him eventually and he would rather sacrifice his life than to let anything happen to Lily, James, or Louis. Besides, despite the changes James has made, Severus knew that he would always choose glory  and the light over him. He wasn’t a fool to think that he was important enough to James. It will happen eventually, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hope that it won’t. And if it does, then it will only create a bigger riff between them during the war and afterwards. It a manner of speaking, they are destined to this fate, to be seperated. Neither of them will win. Well, James will end up with Lily and they will be happy because that is what is supposed to happen. And Louis? Louis will forget him eventually. But for now, he will enjoy it while it lasted. 

Before Severus could allow himself to fall deeper into thought, Louis had slammed a book on the desk in front of him.  _ A Hogwarts History.  _ Severus kept his posture, but that didn’t stop his heart from beating loudly inside him and his eyes to widen in frightful shock. 

When he got over it, he glared at Louis who was too busy searching within the book to look at him. After a brief silences of paper moving, Severus sighed and was going to send a stinging hex at Louis when Louis yelped in happiness and thrusted the book into Severus’s face. He glared at him. 

“What is this rubbish,” Severus said when he looked at a moving image of centaurs and the moon. 

“Read it.”

Severus glared at him again but did as he was told, but not without a harsh kick under the table. The text talked about the lunar eclipse and the study of stars that the centaurs have done. When he turned the page, there was a drawing of a dark carve, made from scratches of ink. The image move with wind and there was a glow on the outskirts of the cave of strange markings. Below it, there was a drawing of the flower and a scription of the name.   _ The Cave of Lost Souls _ .

“The Cave of Lost Souls was said to be founded by the centaurs centuries ago. It was left by a dark wizard who had cursed it. It was said that anyone who enters there cannot leave for they fall victim to the shadows and nightmares that plague it. It was said that it is nearly impossible to escape. It can only be found by the trail of Ipomoeas that are found in the Forbidden Forest.”

Louis had quoted it word for word. When Severus had turned the page, there was nothing else. That was all there was about the cave.

“I had already looked through every book in the library. There is nothing other than the small bit in this one that talks about it.”       

Severus stared at the text a bit longer. There was no book that discusses the cave, but then how did they find out about it? There was only one explanation: they got it from the source. The only ones that could help with this task are the centaurs, but while they are civil creatures and he has encountered them a few times in his escapes to the forest, they prefer their privacy and don’t like it when people walk into their forest. 

Severus rubbed his face. He couldn’t go now, not even if he wanted to. It was winter time and the centaurs had moved for a warmer area for the next few months, which is why the task is so late in the year. Ordinary wizards don’t know where the cave is nor can they be near it without feeling the affects of it. Centaurs too feel the effects, but as they are “dark creatures,” it is not nearly as strong. It was something that Severus already knew that he had to do. It was obvious from when Hagrid had read the scrolls for him. Of course, Louis didn’t know that since he forgot to tell him. He’d tell him later. Maybe. The little bit that Louis provided just added to his suspicions.  

Severus closed the book and gave Louis a blank look. 

“Since you have completely wasted my time, I suggest you better you make it up to me quick.”

And they continued the day with spell theory and a game of wizard chess. 


	22. Once Upon a December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note, I just love the JPSS fandom because you are all so nice. 
> 
> So, the end game will be JPSS I just don’t know how to get there. I’m trying to have the relationship be ‘real’ and I feel like they would have a Lady Gaga ‘Bad Romance,’ but I’m trying to steer it towards a nicer version of that. A lot more will go down when it reaches the third task for their relationship to develop because then it will be inescapable then so fear not! And all of you who are craving more JPSS moments, one will happen in this chapter. I think some of you will be happy and others will be like “wtf James” but James was never a really smart lad, doing that Gryffindor brashness and all that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Severus stared at himself in the mirror and was honestly surprised to see himself. His robes had come along with Louis’s (who had paid for them) the night before. They were the nicest piece of clothing that he had ever worn and now owned. The material was smooth and soft to the touch. It fit like a glove, not too big or small at any point on his body. 

They were, of course, black, with the smallest touches of Slytherin Green. Louis had also done his hair. He wasn’t sure what he did exactly, but it was cut perfectly to where it was now just below his ear, pushed back into an almost natural wave. His hair was smooth and soft and it lacked that greasy texture and look. Severus was naturally pale and it always made his eyes stand out in a bad way, drawing attention to the bags that laid beneath them. However, Louis offered him a cream that got rid of them easily. He looked healthy and there was color to his cheeks. They were no longer sullen either, shaped now that he was older. His lips too now sported a tinge of pink to them. 

“You look rather good, if I  do say so myself,” said Louis behind him as he checked himself in the mirror. He turned his eyes to meet Severus’s reflect ones, “And you do too” he said cheekily as he fixed his tie. Louis was wearing similar robes but it was colored into a deep sapphire blue with gold designs that traveled across his torso. He also got a haircut, but he curled his fridges that made them look like gold rings. His skin also had that tinge of sun to it that positively made him glow in any light. The collar of his robes clung to his collarbone which emphasize his long neck and the dark freckles that were scattered along it. He looked very handsome and will no doubt capture the attention of everyone at the Yule Ball. 

Before Severus could offer a snarky reply, Louis turned around and presented him a closed velvet box.

“If  you’re going to propose to me, the answer is no” said Severus in a drawl tone as he gave Louis a blank look. Louis returned it with a small smile and a soft chuckle. There was a bit a red to his cheeks but he offered the box to Severus nonetheless. Inside there were snake cuff links that moved and their eyes glowed. Severus was shocked at the beauty of them, carved elegantly from silver with the most remarkable detail. 

Severus watched as Louis put them on him with care. Their hands would graze each other and it made his chest tighten. It felt so intimate to be with Louis this close and slow. He could see the blue hue of his eyes and the small fleck of gold and green that laid within them. He was truly a beautiful man. 

“If I were to propose to you, I would hope you’d say yes.” Louis whispered after he was done. With a quick smile, Louis gathered the last of their things and walked towards the door, opening it. 

“Shall we? Your friend awaits” he said, holding the door open for him, waiting expectantly. Severus gave him a long look, watching him before he finally walked passed him out the door. They walked together in what felt like an awkward silence, well it felt like an awkward silence to Severus. Louis seemed to be rather proud of himself and he continued his flirtatious ways when they passed any on goers that were already arriving.  Louis still did not tell him who his date was. Not that Severus particular cared, but it was a curiosity that had yet to leave them. 

When they arrived at the Great Hall, there were a lot of people mingling around. As soon as they both came into light, a silence had loomed over and was quickly followed by whispering and shock looks. Severus rolled his eyes and Louis smiled good naturally. 

In the corner of his eye, Severus could see Malfoy staring at him a composed face. Fear struck him, but he remained passive. Malfoy was wearing deep green robes and his hair was straighten perfectly in a half picked up style. Narcissa was latched onto his arm and was giving him a cool look that didn't quite reach her eyes. She was always nice to him and they shared a love for the finer things in life, but also the simple things that was a private between the two. For every gathering Malfoy hosted before, Severus would find himself in a discussion of ploy and gossip with Narcissa. Out of all of them, she was the only one Severus would trust his life to. But now because of his decision to refuse her fiance, they couldn’t speak a word to each other. They would share glances that  would last seconds but would reveal so much if anyone were to keep a close eye. Unfortunately, Malfoy was one of those people and their moments were small in numbers. 

Narcissa loved Malfoy, he was a true gentleman towards her who was absolutely smitten with her, but he was also drawn to power and his own desires which include absolute control and hierarchy of blood purity. Narcissa had onced told him that she feared he would not hesitate to leave her if it meant the Dark Lord would fulfill every desire she could not...and even those that she could. Despite this, she still loved Malfoy for all he was worth.Their romance was truly dark. Their marriage was set and stone since the very moment they were born and just like Severus, she had a role to play; however, there were more expectations with her since she came from the Black family and would soon become a Malfoy. 

She described the feeling to be like a noose around her neck, tightening at every demand. She would claw at it with all her might, but she could not fight it and she would eventually have to just let it take her in the end. Severus had agreed with her and they shared a glass of strong whisky she had brought from home. 

Neither of them would ever admit it, but they missed the times they spent with each other. But nothing would come from it now, the damage was done. Severus had sacrificed his only friend from Slytherin for the sake of his freedom. He had basically left her to a den of snakes. She would applaud his move for it was truly cunning, but he was not sure she would forgive him for the betrayal. It was probably his biggest regret beside the incident with Lily last year. 

Severus was so lost in thought about Narcissa that he didn’t notice that the room had fallen silent once again until Louis elbowed him on the side. Everyone was gathering inside the Great Hall to allow privacy and time for the champions to collect themselves before they were to do the opening dance when he finally notice who stood at the top staircase. 

Lily was truly radiant and shined like diamonds. Her hair trailed behind her in a thick braid that was filled gold hair pieces and small flowers. She wore a champagne dress that dipped mid back. Her makeup was simple in a natural color with the exception of her lips which were a deep red.  She wore matching diamond earrings and a necklace that Severus knew was the set that her late grandmother had given her. 

She looked truly beautiful and almost god like as she walked soundlessly down the steps until she was right in front of him. In a moment like this, he could truly see the appeal that everyone had for her. He could fall for her as he gazed her slowly, but there would be no love between them. They were better off friends. 

“You look beautiful,” he said. She smiled. 

“You look very good yourself,” she said with a wink. “You did a good job, Louis.”

“It wasn’t easy,” replied Louis in a playful banter. 

By then, everyone else was inside. Dimitri had already arrived in his red uniform with fur and was accompanied by a young girl that Severus had never seen before. She was pretty in a soft pink mermaid dress. She smiled at them and waved, but Dimitri’s eyes never left Severus. They were so cold. Dimitri had barely made it out alive from the first task. He was hospitalized for almost a month. His body was half frozen and crushed from the weight of the snow and rock of the mountain. It was a miracle he was alive, something that would change soon Louis had gritted out when they walked passed him the first day he was released a week ago.

The ball was to start in five minutes and Louis had yet to be accompanied by anyone. Severus had almost thought that nobody was coming and that he was staged up, but then a small young girl had appeared. At first, Severus thought she was a child. She was the smallest out of all of them, barely reaching his shoulder. She had long, curly platinum hair with beautiful blue eyes that looked all too familiar. She was undeniably pretty her her wide eyes, thin, pink lips, and clear pale skin. She had this dreamy look in her eye like she could see magic in the air. The rays of the fire seem to move with her, capturing and enlightening all of her until she glowed.

Severus recalled seeing her at the first tournament and had seen her in her in the halls. She was a third year if he was correct. 

A proud smile graced Louis lips as he introduced her.

“Lily, Severus, this is my younger sister, Pandora. She is a bright witch who will control the world with her spells one day” he said fondly. Severus could see the resemblance with the eyes and the facial structure. She was just as beautiful as her brother. 

Lily greeted her and they talked between them. 

Severus gave Louis a look. 

“Pandora likes to keep to herself. She doesn’t like the attention and had asked me to keep our relationship on the down low given the public would swarm her because of me and I agreed, but she was the only other person I would want to take to the ball since someone else said no,’ Louis pointedly at Severus. “ And so she agreed. Everyone from our school already knows that we are related and everyone adores her so they agreed to keep quiet too for her sake, but that won’t matter now.”

They talked quietly among themselves until it was time. Severus knew enough ballroom dancing to get by, but his head of house saw it fit to teach him. The utter humiliation of having Slughorn teach him was enough to stop him from ever seeking help from the man again. Louis had laughed and Severus sent him countless of hexes until Louis had persuaded Severus that he would teach him just so that he would stop.

At the very least, he wouldn’t embarrass himself. Lily had told him a few days ago that Mcgonagall had also had a lesson with them where she forced everyone to dance with a partner as to not embarrass the school. Lily had told him that James and Sirius were goofing off and Mcgonagall had forced Sirius to be her dance partner. Everyone had laughed but he took it in stride and had expertetly portrayed his abilities to ballroom dance as it is expected of a pureblood heir. 

The dance went smoothly and soon several people joined in. In the back, Severus saw Sirius swiftly spiked the punch while everyone was distracted and saw James try to spell the floor to ice but ended up making Remus slip instead. 

Lily and Severus enjoyed their time. He never felt so young and alive in that moment. He had truly dreaded the ball and had planned to make an escape back to his room after his job was done, but it was fun to let loose and to not hold anything back for one night. The teachers were all on patrol and so nothing could possibly happen. This was probably the safest he would be for the rest of his life. 

After a while from dancing with Louis and Lily, they decided to catch their breath and get something to drink. Severus was hesitant to drinking it since he knew that Sirius did something to it, but then Louis winked at him as he chugged it down and decided a cup wouldn’t hurt. 

At that time, the music had changed to a tango for any daring students to take the lead. Only a handful were brave enough. That was until both Sirius and James had shuffled on the floor and started to do dramatic moves across the dance floor. Surprisingly, they were actually good, but then James had dipped Sirius too far down and had dropped him on the floor. It was the funniest thing ever. Laughter escaped everyone and buch of wolf whistles broke out as James helped Sirius up and they both bowed with shit eating grins. 

It was truly a pleasant night. However, Severus could see that Malfoy had barely left his line of sight. He was constantly trailing near him but was never able to come close because of Mcgonagall and Louis who would always swiftly direct him back to the dance floor. 

Before any of them knew it, the ball would be ending in an hour and almost everyone had already left to either get ready for bed or sneak a makeout session somewhere in the castle. Lily was breathless and told him that she was going to head up to bed and would see him tomorrow morning for breakfast. They hugged for a long time and they said goodnight. Louis regretfully told him the same, but because he wanted to make sure his sister made it to bed alright. 

Severus dismissed him with a wave of his hand and watched all three of them leave through the doors. 

With a heavy sigh, Severus drank more punched and swaggered out of the room in a tipsy fashion. Severus had a very high alcohol tolerance that he had learned after Narcassia and him had one too many. He only drank three cups throughout the whole night, but he wasn’t sure of how much alcohol was spiked in the punch. He still had a clear head, but the alcohol did have its effect on him. 

Luckily he was not disturbed from his walk around the castle and he didn’t encounter any enemies because unlike him, he didn’t drink the punch like he was dying man. Everyone was off their knockers.

After a few minutes of mindless walking, Severus found himself in a court yard where a couple of carriages stood with horses. The area was already cleared by teachers and was empty for his disclosure. 

Severus breathed in the cold air and closed his eyes has he felt snowflakes land on his face. It felt good to be outside, but it was still cold and he tighten his robes around his frames.

Severus was going to head inside when he heard crunching of snow behind him. He turned around and saw James make his way towards him. His steps faltered and he could barely stand straight. There was this hazy, daze look his eyes. His hair was all messed up, probably because of all the dancing or because he ran his fingers through it constantly.  His clothes still fit him, but his bowtie was undone and it draped over his neck lazily. 

Severus didn’t move and didn’t say a word until James was right in front of him. 

James gazed at him and Severus couldn’t remove his eyes from James’s hazel one. They were nowhere near as beautiful as Louis and as handsome as James was, he could not compare to Louis either. His glasses were crooked over his face and his lips were thinned and he reeked of alcohol. Suddenly, James’s eyes dilated until they were dark and black like his own. 

“James...” Severus started, his voice barely above a whisper. But before Severus could say anything else, James lunged forward, hold his face. 

And then he kissed him. His lips were hard and rough. There was a bit of stubble on his cheeks that scrubbed and burned at Severus's own cheeks. James had place his hands at the back of his neck, angling him for better access.  But just as quickly as James kissed him, his lips were gone. The places where his hands had clutched and caressed burned. The drunken haze that clouded James's eyes was gone and were instead filled with something Severus could only fear for what it was. Before he could say a word or do anything really, James was gone. Severus stood still as he watched James retreating figure fade back into the castle. Severus’s heart was beating loudly and quickly. It felt like it was going to burst. A bit of warmth made its way to his cheeks. Severus couldn't stop himself from tracing his lips with the tips of his fingers.


	23. Vertigo Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's me again. Sorry for not updating. It’s because I’m a coward and I have no idea what I should do, especially since I left such a mess and I’m just like “where to start?” I didn’t want to do the POV of Severus because it wasn’t something I was ready to touch after what I did, but there wasn’t really anyone else I could use. I play with the idea of using Malfoy since he has been mostly in the shadows throughout the fic, but I don’t think now is the right time. I really want to write in the POV of James, but that’s a mess all on its own. I’m still trying to figure the thoughts and emotions of him which is why his motives are so subtle because I’m very unsure of how to approach them. It is something I will eventually have to get around to do. Anyway, that’s just to give an idea of what I’ve been thinking about. I’m up for suggestions to help the story flow better or if there is something you guys want me to touch upon just comment below.

 

Chapter 21

Severus stood frozen as the cold wind brushed against him. James was long gone and only the buzz of music lingered in the air. 

Severus didn’t know what to think. His mind was blank, but the rush of heat was coursing throughout his whole body. It filled him with  _ desire. _ Severus has wanted many things in life, all of which were taken away or refused from him, but with this. This was different. His body, his being, his magic called out for this. All of him  _ wanted  _ this. Whatever this was. 

His heart yearned for him to seek James. A childish tug wanted him to run after James, but he remained rooted to the floor.

Despite this want, there was also fear that played within him. All of this was unknown to Severus. He didn’t know what to do or what to say or how to unravel these emotions within him. They didn’t make sense. 

With Louis, it was different. He saw the interest, but he didn’t want it. It was simple. He knew how he felt about Louis and how he felt about him. Louis was very attractive and there were moments were Severus would submerged into the beauty that is him, admiring all his qualities, but those moments were nothing more than a passing fancy. It was like a child crush, but with James, it burned. That kiss was passionate and while there might not have been love in it, there was definitely desire that played between them. It was both hot and dark. A bitterness that was shared between them had morphed into something tangy and complex. It created a fire that spread throughout his whole body and made his mind hazy and his heart burn. It made him sick, but he wanted more. 

There was nothing loving or good about that kiss or anything that would come out of it. It was...a bad romance. No matter what James felt for him, even if was pure, their history was strong and it would push its way to the surface everytime. They couldn’t be friends. But they couldn’t be lovers either. He wants his desire. He wants his love. As terrible as it will be, he wants James. His mind fought with the idea. Even if they were to go along with it, these were trying times and there was no time or room for anything to happen between them. But that didn’t stop the  dark desire to plague Severus which did not leave throughout the night nor did it hide when the sun rose. That kiss sparked something in him and it would not leave him now. 

_____________________

When Severus arrived at breakfast, Severus was expecting Louis to already be seated at the Ravenclaw table, waiting for him. But he wasn’t there. At a quick glance to see if Severus had mistakenly missed him in the crowded, Severus locked eye with Pandora. She gave him a sad smile. There was sadness in her eyes, but it was mixed with understanding. 

Something dropped within Severus, but before he could think much of it, Severus found himself grabbed at both sides and lead quickly, yet gently, to the Gryffindor Table. Severus had immediately jerked and was about to send a stinging hex to whomever dared to touch him when he noticed that it was both Lily and James. 

As soon as they made it to the table, Severus ripped his arm out of James’s grasp. Memories of the previous night appeared in his mind, but that didn’t mean that it was doing the same to James. The bloody wanker was drunk and probably didn’t remember doing it. Despite wanting James to kiss him again, Severus was more likely to knock him out if he tried. The desire still lingered with in him, the effects of the alcohol was gone and his mind was in full force had prevented him from doing anything stupid. 

Severus didn’t miss the way James’s eyes filled with hurt, but he didn’t say anything. Sitting next to Lily and another Gryffindor, Severus noticed that Sirius and Remus were also sitting across from him. There heads were bowed and Remus had his hands clasped on the table. Severus’s eyes traced the scars that marked his skin. 

A very uncomfortable silence took place and a lot of people were watching them. Many of them were expecting a fight to follow or at the very least a rageful argument, but some were disappointed or fearful at the silence. It didn’t usually bode well from past experiences.

For Severus, it was nerve wracking. Anything could happen and it didn’t help that no one was saying anything and no one was even looking at him. 

Just as Severus was going to get up and walk away, Sirius broke the silence, surprisingly.   

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said. The room had fallen completely silent, everyone was inching closer to hear this conversation. In a way, Severus wanted to place a silencing charm because it wasn’t any of their business, but Lily grabbed his wand hand and shook her head. He could read her eyes as clear as day: They wanted everyone to hear it. 

“I am sorry for everything I have ever done to you. Every prank, every word, and hex that was ever sent your way. I’m sorry that I let my anger, my prejudice, get in the way of doing what was right. I never should have bullied you or hurt you in any way. There is no reason or clause good enough and I can never express or apologies fully to make it right. I won’t ask for forgiveness because I have no right to ask for it nor do I have any reason to have it. I only wish for you to know my regrets and that my past actions  will continue no longer.”

Sirius had stood up during his speech, but had placed his right food on the bench and had bent his head over until it rested on left arm. A formal declaration and apology. 

To say that Severu was shock, would never fully illustrate the feeling that filled him. Don’t get him wrong. He still hates Black for everything he’s done, but Severus was not a cruel enough person to deny Black the hand that he was showing him. Black wishes to make amends, not for himself, but for Severus. In all honor, a public declaration was admirable and was the highest of honors and regards that one could give. Severus doesn’t have to forgive Black nor does he have to like him, but this feud no longer needs to exist. Black might be sorry for the pain that he caused him, realization from DADA, but years of tournament and being a tormentor won’t disappear after a heartfelt speech. It would take time and patience. They might never stop disliking one another, but Severus was willing to make amends and give it a chance. And so, Severus accepted Black’s apology, knowing full well that he could deny him and bring shame and dishonor to him and his family.

Immediately after, James and Remus had offered similar pledges. It was awkward and it didn’t help that everyone was watching with wide eyes and an open mouth. Severus shared a look with Lily of his disbelief, but she sent him a shy and sad smile. Her eyes were regretful and Severus knew that she wished to do the same, but like before, he held her hand down because he could read it clear as day of her regret. She might not have been there for him for some time, but she was there all the other times. Their bridges needed mending, but that was a fault by both of them and only needed to stay between them. 

Breakfast was was followed by gossip and looks for the rest of the day and while Severus wished to never undergo something like that every again, it cleared the air immensely. He never realized how easy it was to breathe in that moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a lot shorter than what you guys are used to, but I just had to get over this step. I feel like it could have gone way better and I don't really like how it played out, but it was the best that I could do. I might go back and rewrite it if I ever find a better alternative. 
> 
> I was listening to the 30 Seconds to Mars cover of Bad Romance when I wrote the first part which could probably explain the outcome of it. Whoops. And WOW, wasn't that whole conversation awkward. I had to take multiple breaks because I could FEEL their awkwardness. At least we are somewhat getting somewhere. I'm trying to untangle the mess I created with each chapter. So Next chapter will be Severus's birthday and his trip to the Gringotts. I have nothing pre-planned for that so now I have to come up with something, but after that it will be easy sailing since I have most things planned out for that. Mostly.


	24. Undisclosed Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, told you it would be smooth sailing after that. I finally got my mojo back with a 3k fic in a few hours. I love how a lot of you guys are rooting for Louis still. I always hated OCs because I always felt that they interfered with the other characters, but when I started to write this fic, I realized that I NEEDED OCs for the other schools. I still try to use canon characters as much as possible (like Pandora) to the best of my abilities, but I never expected Louis to be such a big hit. Taking over the JPSS ship here. In all honestly, I do love Louis and he is going to have a big impact. I also some what lied. This chapter is mostly just Severus's birthday. The next chapter for sure will be about him going to Gringotts. Hope you enjoy.

Ever since the beginning of the new year, things have gone pleasantly. Of course, Sirius and Remus kept their distance both in touch and in words, but there was an understanding between them and Severus. They weren’t the best of friends, but they kept arguing and hexes to the minimum. Severus wouldn’t ever admit it, but he did enjoy their brawls sometimes, to the very least keep his reflexes at their peak. 

Going into the Gryffindor common room was something that Severus did more now that James and Lily seem to go back to their usual selves before the incident at DADA. James was less touchy and was a lot more careful of the jokes he said and how he approached him with some topics, but he was making an effort to make things less awkward and to not ignore him when it became difficult throughout the week. 

Remus probably had the most progress with Severus. Severus had seen the guilt in Remus’s eyes throughout all the years they’ve been at Hogwarts, it was only now that he obtain that Gryffindor courage to stand side by side with Severus instead of opposing sides. It was pleasant. Remus was definitely someone Severus liked to talk to. Remus, Lily, and himself had interesting conversations about almost every topic, sometimes it would get heated with disagreements on theories of magic and the usefulness of the Dark Arts. Sometimes Sirius and James would enter the conversations. Interesting enough, James could keep up, but he was still blinded by his hesitation towards dark magic. Sirius, while he disliked the use of it entirely and often discussed his negative feelings about the subject,  he was well educated about the subject from mild curses to the darkest creatures that lurked in the dark. It was expected as he does come from the House of Black, but Severus was still surprised when he would join in the conversations and debates. Sirius brought very useful information from the Black Family’s Library collection. Narcissa was able to obtain some of the books and had lent them to Severus for research. They were just a handful, but each one was rich in text and magic. Severus has dreamed of entering the Black or Malfoy library for years just to obtain a look at the magnificent knowledge. However, most of the time once James or Sirius had entered the conversation, it would change to more trivial matters like homework or quidditch. They were matters that Severus didn’t care for, but it was still a nice feeling to be there. Watching Sirius and James argue on which team was better was ridiculous but nonetheless funny. Watching them fight each other in the Gryffindor common room and creating a crowd was the best part of the night. 

Thinking about it now, it created a welcoming atmosphere of blissfulness and ignorance. In those moments whether they were in the Gryffindor Common Room, snowball fighting by the lake, or at the Great Hall during meals, it felt like nothing else mattered than stupid jokes and schoolwork. It felt so easy to fall into the dream with them. There was no war, no worries, nor cares. Because they didn’t exist in the moments. 

Severus never felt more alive than those moments. But when Severus laid awake once everyone had fallen asleep, a dark thought loomed over him. Imagine, his life could have been like this everyday if he wasn’t put in Slytherin. He would be just like them, enjoying life at school with the whole lot of them: staying up late, making jokes, and late night adventure. But that wasn’t his life because this was and it created a pitiful feeling in his chest that weighed him down some nights. 

Even with this change in all of their relationships, there was still quite a bit of hesitation between them to work to mend these rips and scraps, but it was a lot easier than Severus anticipated it would be. He just fell into the flow of things. It was like this barrier, this wall, had finally been broken down and it allowed them see each other from both sides. It was still new and foreign, but it was adventurous and wild. Crossing over was the most difficult part for all of them, but in a matter of days, it was almost like there never was a wall in the first place. Of course the rubble and marks are etched into the earth and had left imprints into their bodies and souls, but like casualties, it was soon passed. Not forgotten, but it didn’t chain them down either.

Severus was skeptical about the speed of things, something like hatred shouldn’t fade away so quickly, but now that he thinks about it, it hasn’t. It is still there, changing into something more pleasant. It was neither growing nor was it overbearing, it was diminishing. Severus still wouldn’t trust his life with Sirius, but he at least can let down his guard when around him. To not always expect an attack of some form had allowed a lot of stress and weight to be removed and it just made things easier to breathe and allowed Severus to just enjoy life. 

He still kept his snarky remarks and Sirius would still let that stupid nickname slip from his lips, but there was no heat with it anymore, no anger, and no pain. Habits die hard, but if things ended up like this, then Severus would make sure that it will stay that way. 

________

Throughout this time, Severus did not fail to notice that Louis was avoiding him now. There was still his pleasant greetings with him and their talks throughout meals and in the halls when they passed by each other, but he didn’t seek him out as much as he used to. Severus would catch is eye follow them towards James. There was anger and something that he could not place, but it was not pleasant. Severus didn’t know what it was, but he had feeling of what inspired it. 

It was only when Pandora asked to have an audience with him after dinner that he was proven correct. 

“Severus, I know you have noticed that Louis has been keeping his distance from you.” Severus nodded and she continued, “I don’t know much of the situation, but I believe it has something to do with the Yule Ball. After he dropped me off, he said that he would rejoin you for the remainder of the night if you hadn’t already went to bed. He wasn’t gone long and he had returned to his room quite loudly. He had slammed his door and I heard a cry. I had assumed the worst, but he had assured me that he was fine. It was only when I told him that I would not leave until I saw him that I finally found out why he did not want to see me. His eyes were red and watery and his breath was uneven. He said that he must have caught a cold, but my brother hasn’t gotten sick since I was a child. I don’t know what transpire between you, whether you have done something unintentionally or not, but it had hurt him in some way. He will eventually bounce back to his usual self once he organizes his thoughts.” 

By now, Severus had a clear idea what it was that Louis had saw that night. He knew that that Louis knew that Severus hadn’t felt the same, enjoying and accepting his friendship but nothing more. But Louis was a romantic if he had ever met one, and he must have hoped that Severus would have changed his mind about the idea. The kiss had probably shown him that wasn’t something that was likely to happen. 

Pandora grabbed his arm and turned his head towards her own, “it will probably be for the best if you let him sort things out for himself. Do not approach him, you might make things worse. I know my brother loves you and you do not feel the same, but if you try to help him now, it will just make it harder for him to let you go. I don’t think he will ever stop loving you, but he has to overcome this and get used to the idea that you will not return his love. He will find you when he is ready. And do not worry. He will not abandon you, he loves you too much to have you leave his life. Just give it time.”

And with that, she gave his hand a firm squeeze and returned to her dorms. 

Severus breathed out loudly, taking in the chilly air as fresh snow began to fall once again that day. 

Severus knew that Louis cared for him, maybe even love him, but he never thought that it would ever reach to this point that he would be so heartbroken. He might not have ever said anything, but he thought he made his feelings clear to Louis. The bastard. 

A regretful feeling filled Severus. Severus didn’t want to hurt him, but it was his fault that Louis is at this point now. Severus should have directly said something to him. As bright as Louis is, he had constantly attempted to woo him without fail, hoping that Severus would give him a chance. He shared him such kindness and attention when James and Lily had avoided him and Severus had taken advantage of it and he hurt Louis in the process. 

Despite Pandora’s warning, he had wanted to find Louis to apologies for what he did, but Pandora was right. She was his sister and she knew Louis best. She might be younger than the both of them, but there was a wonderment in her eyes that showed great wisdom and strength. Severus kept his distance and hoped that he could make amends with Louis. 

James had noticed the change between them, and while it might have brought some satisfaction to him, he did notice that it was not the same without Louis and was going to attempt and invite Louis over to join their group when Severus told him no. A grim look made its way to James’s face but he listen to Severus in the end and waited like he did. 

Severus never thought that he would be in this ‘love triangle’ rubbish, but he was and he would have to make a plan on how to approach it, but then he would have to sort out his own feelings and quite honestly he didn't even know where to start or what were James feelings about him. If it was up to him, he would just ignore it and hope that it would go away, but Louis and that kiss just proved that it wouldn’t work. But it was still wasn’t something that Severus wanted to do. 

James didn’t even show a single sign that he remembers that night or not. He never mentions it and he says he doesn’t remember most of it because  _ ‘someone’  _ had spiked the punch too much and that was end of that. Severus never brought it up, but if that kiss was something to go by, then there was definitely feelings from James that were directed towards him. It was its own can of worms that Severus didn’t want to open, but he would have to eventually. 

By the beginning of the new week, there was so much happening with all the changes that Severus had forgotten that it was his birthday the next morning. 

Severus was sleeping peacefully until he was rudely awoken by loud whispering and shoving. Groggily, Severus opened his eyes only to be blinded by a crowd of people shooting streamer and confetti in front of him. There were several little wisps of magical light and fireworks that exploded more color and some that wished him happy birthday. Severus had stood abruptly and watched as James, Lily, Remus, and Sirius wished him happy birthday. All of them were in weird positions trying to stand around him in the Gryffindor common room. However, before Severus could say anything, Sirius leaned back too much and fell over, pushing and pulling everyone to fall with him. Severus looked at everyone as they groaned and started to yell and hit Sirius for ruining the surprise, but he just laughed and help Lily stand up, but she immediately pushed him back into James. Severus watch them fall over again before Lily hugged him and he could only see her red hair. 

Lily squealed in delight and pulled him towards the table where there were several presents, cards, and a small chocolate cake that had a small flower on top. There was also milk, tea, and cookies. 

Lily had all but demanded that Severus opened her present first, claiming it was the “best” one, loudy, which James immediately began to bicker with her over who got him the best present.

Some of them were decorated in christmas wrapping, which Lily quickly explained that they didn’t have time to give him since the ball was on the same day and they just opted to give it to him on his birthday. After a few more minutes of Remus and Severus watching all three of them shove each other around, Lily finally sat next to him with her hair in a mess and James and Sirius groaning on the floor from the quick hex Lily sent their way. 

Severus noticed that all of them were still in their pjs and that the sun was barely rising on a Saturday morning. Severus rolled his eyes. Of course they would try to surprise him in the morning instead of letting him sleep. 

With some encouragement and Sirius call to hurry up, but was immediately shut up by James shoving a pillow in his face, Severus opened the presents. Many of them took forms of expensive books and Lily had gotten him rare potions ingredients that Severus had nearly gone over the moon for. There was several types of candies, a pair of dragon gloves, some new shirts, sweaters, and pants from the Evans Family. 

Lily then waved her wand and the whole room fell into darkness and the flower that laid on top of the cake bloomed and with candles at the tips of the petals. A soft melody played and more wisps of light began to glow around Severus as everyone sang happy birthday. When they finished Severus blew out the candles and they clapped and eagerly waited for a piece of cake. 

When everyone was taking, James subtly pushed Severus to the side and presented him with a small velvet box. Flashbacks of the Yule Ball came to mind, but Severus pushed those to the side. 

“I got this for you, I hope you like it” James said quietly. Severus took it and opened it to find a charm bracelet. There were six charms on it that were hanging on a thin silver chain. “It’s a charm bracelet. It will protect you from most hexes and some curses. The shopkeeper spelled it so when danger is near it will warm itself to let you know.” Severus watched as James pushed up his sleeve to show an identical bracelet with  matching charms. “It will also glow to let us know if the other is in danger and it also has a tracking charm so that we can always find each other. I got everyone one.”

True to his word, Severus could see that Lily, Remus, and Sirius all had one. They each had a small lily, a snitch, a moon, a dog, cauldron, and a sun. 

“Who’s the sun?” Severus asked. The others were understandable, but Severus couldn’t figure out who the other one could be.

“It is Louis’s. I gave it to him on Christmas during the Yule Ball.”

Severus watched as James carefully removed the bracelet from the box and had put it on Severus’s wrist, but it felt like it wasn’t even there. “There’s also an invisible and feather charm on it for convenience.”

Something like this would cost a fortune for one, but James had gotten six of them. Before Severus could thank him, James presented him with another present. This one was in a medium size box. When Severus opened it, he was surprised to find a small, hand size cauldron. It was a little fat on the sides, taking a wider form than the usual. The stubs were meshed together at the bottom, lacked a handle, and was covered with a top. It was gold in color, covered in pearls, dark green, and engravings of flowers that are often used in potion. In the center of its side, there was a small snake engraving. When his finger grazed over it carefully,  the lid of the cauldron opened. Inside, magical dust and light morphed a doe and a buck that almost looked like their Patronus spirits and began to prance around both Severus and James. The cauldron played a small tune that Severus didn't recognize. When Severus locked eyes with James, James were glowing like gold embers. A small flush painted his cheeks and he wore a shy smile. Severus began to get lost in them that he didn’t even notice that the buck and doe had made its way back into the cauldron at the end of the tune. It was only when somebody cough did the spell that fell around them broke. 

Sirius was gagging and Lily gave them a cheeky smile. 

“How about some breakfast then?” asked Remus.

________

When Severus sat down in the Great Hall, a small box morphed out of thin air in front of him. It was another present. It was in another velvet box, but inside was a small pocket watch. When Severus opened it, the inside of the top had a picture of Severus, Lily, James, and Louis laughing by the lake. Beneath it lies a small little note in a nude color and gold writing. 

_  Aimer c'est tout donner, tout sacrifier sans espoir de retour. En toi gît ma mort et ma vie. _

Severus was not fluent in French, but Narcissa was and she made sure to teach him as much of the language as possible when given a chance. It was only because of her that he was able to read the note that Louis had left him. 

 

To love is to give away everything, to sacrifice everything, without the slightest desire to get anything in return. Within you, resides my death and my life. 

 

Louis was not there that morning and Severus did not see him for the rest of the day. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Undisclosed Desires is my favorite song by the Muse. I feel like it fits Louis's relationship with Severus a lot. Most of the time when I write, I listen to music and I just get the flow and feel of the music into my writing which I guess is what gives it its course. 
> 
> In case you were wondering, the music box that James got Severus was inspired (and mostly takes the form of) of the music box from Anastasia. It was my favorite movie when I was kid. The song came from my other favorite movie, Swan Princess. Here's a link of the song. If you want to listen to it
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xobsrqxq2qg
> 
> The music box only plays the first minute of it.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the late update. I didn't really know what I wanted Severus to find out when he went to Gringotts, so it took me some time to figure it out. I plan to write up another chapter tomorrow, so look forward to that. 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated since it let's me know how I'm doing. 
> 
> Also comment if my explanations didn't make sense, I was never good at explaining politics.

Chapter 25

When Severus woke up on Sunday morning, he got ready and gathered all of his things. He was finally seventeen and was now considered an adult wizard and was legally allowed to leave school grounds on weekends without restrictions. It wasn't uncommon for students to leave, often traveling to Hogsmeade mostly, but there were the few cases where they traveled farther distances. It was, however, required that they at least inform a teacher that they will be leaving so that they are aware, but a teacher may not prevent a student unless they have prior business or reasonable exclusions like detention or exams. They also had to follow the time guidelines of being in the common rooms at a certain hour, which wasn't a problem for Severus since he should arrive back by the time of dinner.  

He had originally wanted to wait until after breakfast to get something to eat before leaving, but it would just be easier if nobody even knew he left in the first place. The less people that knew about his meeting at the bank was for the better, especially with Malfoy around who could cause havoc at any given notice. Not to mention that Malfoy was one year older than him and would be able to accompany him. Severus wouldn't have any protection without being on school grounds, so it was better that nobody knew at all. Which is why he didn't tell anybody where he was going or what he was going to do. The only person that even knew that he wasn't going to be there was Hagrid because he told him that very morning since he trusted Hagrid and because Hagrid was the only one who was awake at that time. 

He wished him luck and a safe travel before Severus made his way. It would have been easier and faster for him to use apparition, but Severus didn't have his license. Not that it would be hard for him to get it, but as of now he doesn't have one. Apparition was difficult at first, but Severus was able to understand it and was able to do it faster than most people. He had mastered it by the time of winter break, but he wasn't old enough to apply for the license until now. It was something that Severus plans to do after his meeting at the bank, along with shopping for more supplies and clothing. There was a lot that he needed to do at Diagon Alley, but he wouldn't be able to do everything that day. He would need to make a second trip the next weekend if he could.

The walk to Hogsmeade was long and cold. The only entertainment that Severus had was his thoughts and the crunching of the snow. By the time he arrived at the Three Broomsticks, the sun was barely rising and the pub was barely opening for the morning breakfast rush. It was the only place that Severus could use the floo to get to Diagon Alley and return. 

When Severus opened the door, there was a handful of people sitting about drinking tea and eating a small breakfast at the table or at the bar. Madam Rosmerta was behind the bar and had asked him what he wanted. Severus asked for the use of the floo and he then paid her the required amount for the powder. He made his way and walked into the fireplace and was soon devoured by hungry green flames. 

When Severus walked out, he recognized the wonky trail and the dozens of shops that made Diagon Alley.  Making his way to the bank, Severus mentally noted all the things he needed to do before his return to Hogwarts. 

It was still very early in the morning and many of the shops had yet to open. There were only a few stragglers wandering around who were setting up their shops or simply out for a walk. It was times likes these that truly made Diagon Alley look like a ghost town instead of its lively, magical splendor. It was haunting.

When Severus had found the bank, he made his way inside and took notice of his surroundings. He has only been here a handful of times, never really needing to open a bank account, despite the amount of money he had made throughout his years at Hogwarts and the sum of galleons that his mother had given him recently. He had kept a bottomless bag to keep his savings and had always kept it in a safe place, which has recently become the chest.  He had brought half of it with him today, planing to open a small account to keep in the bank for safekeeping and the rest at Hogwarts for spending and emergencies. 

While there was no safer place than Gringotts, Severus, like many Slytherins, hide many of their darkest and most valuable treasures close.  

For a moment, Severus didn’t know who he should speak to or where he should go. All of the goblins were busy with some sort of work of either counting gold or keeping track of their paperwork. None of the seem approachable which made it difficult for Severus to seek assistance. Luckily, he was approached by a goblin by the name of Tunik who had lead him to Griphook.

He was short, like many goblins, with a pale complexion. His ears wear big and pointy and his hair was slicked back with grays meeting black. His eyes, Severus noticed, were the most unsettling aspect of the goblin. They were completely black and beady, filled with hatred and distrust. His pointy nose and lips were scrunched as if he ate lemon. Any look Black or Tobias has ever given him could never amount to the absolute disgust and displeasure that graced his features. If Severus was a lesser man, he would cower or be fearful of the goblin in front of him. But as it were, he stood tall with a blank expression. Nonetheless, he was still respectful even if the goblin eyed him with the rudest and ugliest looks Severus has ever seen. This, had lead a quirk of the lip and a hint of surprise to form in the those black eyes. It was no secret to everyone else of Griphook's hate and prejudice of wizards who believed themselves to be better than 'lesser' creatures such as goblins. Any form of formality shared with him was often a surprise. 

Severus was soon led to a small room, furnished with only the basic necessities: lightening, a desk, and two chairs. Griphook directed Severus to the chair facing the desk as he walked towards the other. Severus thanked him as the goblin summoned several pieces of parchment to fly towards them. 

With a quick glance at the papers, Griphook looked at Severus with unimpressed eyes.

“Severus Tobias Snape, son of muggle, Tobias Snape, and Eileen Snape nee Prince. As of yesterday, January 9, 1977, you are now a full fledge adult and have now met the requirements needed to review the heritage documents left by your grandparents, Victor Prince and Emelia Prince. It has been stated that should no other possible heir should arise, then the son of Eileen Prince will inherit the wealth, social standings, as well as take the title of Lord Prince, given that he meets the requirements to obtain the title as a Lord, he will also inherit the political power that goes with it,  by his seventeenth birthday. Should, for any reason, an extended member of the family who has met the requirements should challenge him for the family fortune or title, then a Wizard’s Duel will be filed by the Ministry immediately and will take place in the fortnight. As of this moment, no one has rosen to challenge you and this clause is now null and void given no challenge has been sent within the twenty-hour period since you had neither forfeit your claim or have been declared unfit, which now makes you the rightful heir to the Prince fortune and a possible candidate to the title of Lordship.”

With the snap of his fingers, words wrote themselves elegantly across the parchment and it had disappeared. Severus had barely been able to comprehend all that was being said by the goblin before he was show all the papers left to him by his grandparents. There was a long list in the will that illustrated everything that he will inherit, including the rather large sum of money that is now left in his vault. He was also given several mansions across the world, including the prize Prince Manor.

His mother used to tell him stories of Prince Manor and all the beauty it entail. However, there was also the dark bits that lurked within. 

The Prince family was a long and old line of purebloods. They rivaled the Malfoys both in wealth and in power. Similarly, they also held strong beliefs about blood purity and status and enforced it whenever they deemed it necessary by any means. Yet, they were not a dark family like the Blacks nor were they a light family like the Potters. They mostly kept themselves in the gray area, standing on neutral ground. 

They have sided and fought in several wars across history. They were the elite of strong and powerful wizards that possessed great abilities. It was pleasant to know that Severus obtain all of his natural abilities through his mother since centuries worth of masters and powerful men and woman lied within him, sharing the same blood and now the same family.  

However, as great as it is that he had essentially obtain a rather ‘royal inheritance,’ there was still the question of why? It didn’t make sense. His grandparents had disowned his mother and in lines of all standings, that rejection would follow to him as well, yet it didn’t. By all means, Severus should never had inherit anything and he had asked Griphook for the reason. 

“While it is usual for a pureblood family such as the Prince’s to allow anyone to become heir to the fortune and a Lord of the family without having the proper blood status (deemed by the family), there is the decline of blood purity. Pureblood families are running thin. However, while there might be extended family members that fit the requirements for the role of inheritance, the Prince family had always deemed that everything must stay within the immediate family, to never trust an outsider as all that are not part of the family are considered a threat. Which I am sure you have noticed with the….other pureblood families.”

The Blacks and the Malfoy were the first ones to pop in his head. They were always distrustful of everyone since anyone at anytime could betray them. That didn’t mean that family couldn’t betray them either for several families have stories of family betrayals, but at the very least they were united for appearances. Nonetheless, family was family. Not in the regards that they cared for one another,  but they were a united front and had to stick together to maintain blood purity, secrets, and discretion. Severus, as far as he was concern, didn’t mean any of the requirements. He was not only a half-blood, but he was also a stranger to all concepts of being a Lord of anything and the ways of the Prince family. Sure he has learned with his time in Slytherin, learning everything he needed to have any sort of social standing and to not make a complete fool of himself, but he was nowhere near as trained as the others. 

As much as fools as they are, Potter and Black were still purebloods and were raised to act as such, despite Potter’s ‘kindness’ compared to others, there was still the fact that he was in a higher class than other wizarding folk given that he was a Potter. He might not act like a proper gentleman, but should it ever require it, then Severus was sure that he would be able to hold himself to someone worthy of being the next Lord Potter, as would Black. But it still didn’t add up as to why they had chosen him. Surely, they could have spread out the riches to extended family,the title of Lord Prince could have been given to someone else as well,  yet they had chosen to leave everything to him with no warning or reason. Griphook had informed that the piece he had read was all that was required for him to inherit it. However, given Severus’s quick response to the bank, any member of his extended family could have come in and declared that he was unfit and would be able to take everything from him without him even knowing that there was anything for him to inherit. Without the death of his mother, any request for audience could have gotten lost if it wasn’t already requested by his mother to have these forms be grouped with the letter from the Ministry. Which means his mother knew about his inheritance before hand as well and made sure he would know about it when the time came for him to inherit it. Even then, anyone with any power could have prevented him from learning about this and, without any appearance at all, he would essentially had forfeit any right to the will and it would have been sent to the next of kin which was oddly enough, the Malfoys according to Griphook.

It peeved Severus to no end that he was not only the heir to the Prince fortune since the time of his twelfth birthday, but he could have gone his whole life without knowing it if any letter informing of him of it had gotten lost and he would have, unknowingly, forfeit his right to him claim and it would have been given to the Malfoys.  

With the discussions out of the way, there were several test that had to be followed which included a test to ensure that he shared the Prince blood, which was done by a quick blood inheritance ritual by Griphook, and the signing of several papers with a blood quill. Soon, Severus was taken to his family’s vault and was shown so much money that Severus would never be able to spend even a quarter of it in a single life time. It was there that Griphook gave him a dirty look and presented him with the Prince’s family ring. 

“This ring will only accept those that share the Prince’s bloodline. It is not only a representation of your status, but is also the source to allow free reign to all things the Prince family owns. However, this ring is usually given to the Lord who is not only the head of the family, but it also the one who controls the political power of the family, but is is also the one who makes the rules of the family. As of now, you have met the requirements to be the heir, which includes owning the land and wealth of the Prince family, but you will not be able to become a Lord until you have met the rest of the requirements of the family. In order to become a Lord, you must marry a pureblood of the same social standing. Traditionally, you would marry someone who would join your family, but given  your blood status, you would obtain all the rights of a Lord through your spouse who will become both Lord of his family, but yours as well. You will not be able to take the title since you will technically be marrying outside of the family. The title will be given to your kin and chosen heir, who can then legally change the laws of inheritance of the family for their discretion. You will still obtain everything; however, people can still challenge you for the title of Lord until the day you are married. While they might not obtain any of the wealth, they will obtain all political power of the family.”

“Political power?” asked Severus. 

“Each family, who has any political power, can determine who will become the next Minister of Magic and can influence all legal legislations, including the making or the removal of any laws and clauses. Wizarding Politicals doesn't follow the same as Muggle Politics. It does not run by the concept one person, one vote. Wizarding Britain doesn't run under a democracy, Votes are cast by heads of family. A family obtains a certain amount of votes based on their holdings, magical powers, and social standing. If enough families can sway a enough votes to one goal, then they have enough political power to cast votes for a political decision. " 

“How many do the Prince family have?”

“ Forty-eight."  

Severus knew some of the things the goblin was talking about, he's heard much discussions from many pureblood families. He knew that the Black family had thirty-eight votes and the Malfoy had forty-two. If Severus loses the rights of Lordship to the next of kin, it can go to the next available member of the family which can be both Malfoy or his father, who will not only be able to cast their own votes but the Prince's family as well. 

This explains a lot as to why there was such a big riot in the political stands against muggleborns’ and other magical creatures’ rights before the uprising with the Dark Lord. A muggleborn can petition for a vote, but one vote doesn’t have much sway in anything. As time goes on, they can obtain more votes once they obtain land or is recognize by the Ministry for more votes, but it would be better if they were to ally themselves to a head of house who will cast their votes along with their own so that they have bigger say and impact in politics. All of these votes have been gathered through several generations for each family. No muggleborn would be able to obtain enough votes to have any influence at all which explains some of the issues between muggleborns and purebloods. With all the political power in their hands, it is easy for purebloods to pass legislation against them. Despite this, they are currently in a war as of now and while it might not seem like it is, it will eventually become more apparent sooner or later. Even so, the damage seems to be done and what would be the use of keeping these votes. However, it is better to have this power for future references and to not allow the Malfoys to cause further damage in the Ministry. By combining both the Malfoys and the Prince’s votes, they will not doubt have absolute power with everything. Plus, there were no laws that prevented this this since many families have combined families through marriage and their heirs would obtain the Lordship of both families. The last thing they need is to have Ministry be run by the Dark Lord and his followers. 

“Who knows of this and who can challenge me for the title,” Severus asked.

“No one will be informed since you had answered, but a letter would have followed to the next of kin and other extended family members if you hadn’t. Anyone who was informed of the context of the will by the previous Lord could also be aware. We have no documentation of who is aware, but the will neither states nor gives permission to release this information. Should anyone find out, it would not be the work of the bank, but from an outside source. Anyone who meets the requirements and shares the blood of Prince can challenge you. The full family tree is in the family book. They can challenge you at any point until you are married. Once you are married, your spouse would not only take the title of Prince, but would also be able to cast your votes as he or she would be the new head of the family.”

“And what if I don’t marry a pureblood?”

“You will keep the fortune, land holdings, valuables, and social standing, but you will lose the title and political power since you will not meet the requirements to obtain Lordship. And while you will be technically marrying out of the family, you are still the heir to the Prince family and you will be under the rule of the both Lords unless you offically remove yourself from the family which includes the returning of the land and the fortune. And as was stated before, the Lord makes rules for the family since they are the head and you must follow the rules of them.”

“What does that entail exactly?”

“They can control every action that you do. They can forbid who you can marry, what career you do, design where you live, remove you from the family, and would be in charge of everything you own.”

“So I could lose everything either if I get married or if I don't?”

“Depends who becomes Lord and who you marry. If you marry someone, your spouse would become Lord, they can chose to give back the powers of Lordship to you, but given the current rules of the family, they will simply just keep the title. This can be done legally so that there are no take backs.” 

“Is there a time limit?”

“Until you thirtieth birthday. It can only be extended if your in an arranged marriage that will take place after the time limit. However, it can only happen if a contract was made that has been legally approved by the Ministry and by us.”

Severus thinned his lips and asked a few more questions. However, he stopped after a couple more when he noticed that the goblin’s patience was pressed enough. After a few more questions, Severus left to complete his business. 

Technically, he owned everything as of now, except the title and the political power which is up for grabs if anyone were to find out. He was given the ring and is allowed to wear it to show that he is the heir to the family and with it, he has access to everything. However, as pleasant as that it is, Severus cannot wrap his head around the idea that in order for him to keep everything and to not allow himself to be under the control of the Malfoys, he needs to marry a pureblood of the same standing. At the very least, he wasn’t already in pre-arranged in a marriage, but that doesn’t change the fact that he needs need to marry or lose everything given to him. However, this wasn’t the time for marriage. Severus couldn’t even begin to think who he could possibly marry either. Luckily, it appears that no one is aware of this opportunity. From the family book, there are few people already that he’s frightful of them finding out. That includes the Malfoys, the Blacks, and the Lestranges. 

Future up the family tree, there were a few blood lines that branched off towards other families like the Longbottoms, the Prewett, and the Macmillan family. All of them are suitable candidates.  

It would be better if Severus either signs it all away or if he gets married soon as possible. He didn’t want to do either of them. Hopefully, no one will find out about this predicament. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but I should update again either today or tomorrow. Sorry for the late update, I was stuck again. I always seem to find myself in the situations which is mainly because I decide to fight fire with fire when I get stuck and then I'm stuck with a bigger fire. The whole thing about marriage wasn't even supposed to come up, but it did and I kept it. However, it will make things more interesting. 
> 
> Also, another thing I realized in my craze, derange, and sleep deprived self was something about Dumbledore. Obviously, Dumbledore knew the things about the elder wand and who becomes the master of it and how since he manage to get it, right? So you guys remember how Severus had to tell Harry everything at the right moment? Well, what's a better moment than on your deathbed? So did Dumbledore plan his death? Was that why he had insisted that Severus kill him so that he would become the new master of the wand. Surely, Dumbledore knew that Voldemort had wanted it and that he knew the rules of the wand since he killed Severus for that very reason. Of course, it was also to save Draco since he wouldn't be able to complete the task, but what if he could? Either way, it would be better Severus than Draco since he was a kid. Dumbledore wasn't an idiot, he knew where it would lead and that was Severus's death. So manipulative if you think about it.

Chapter 26:

There were several thoughts that ran through Severus’s head about marriage. He had only turned seventeen and he was already expected to marry someone. It was ludicrous! If it was for the sake of just marrying anyone, then maybe he wouldn’t have a problem, but he had to marry a pureblood as was the rules of the Prince family.

Severus knew plenty of purebloods, but any willing to marry him? People weren’t exactly falling over themselves just to offer. It didn’t help that marriage was magically binding. There was so no such thing as divorce in the Wizarding World. You would truly be together until one meets death do you part. He would be in a long lasting relationship with this person. He couldn’t just pick a random pureblood and be done with it. However, even if he was married, that didn’t mean that they had to be together. There were countless of arranged marriages, many where one did not care for the other and often lived in different homes and worlds. They would never have to even see each other. 

Severus wasn’t a big defender of marriage, nor did he ever think that he would get married, but he had hoped that if he did, it would be with someone who at least liked him. However, with the war raging on, he would have to pick someone that could help. Understand the dangers that will come with being married to him. He had to pick someone he trusted. Someone who wouldn’t stab him in the back,  but that was few in numbers all on its own. 

There were, of course, the obvious choice, thought Severus as he walked into the Apothecary and began to mindlessly pick ingredients. The whole process was natural and Severus hadn’t even realized he was doing it. 

Louis and Potter being the big ones. 

Severus hadn’t thought much of it, focusing on the other variables, but given that Potter had kissed him than that meant he was no longer with Lily. Of course, he wasn’t completely sure, but Potter was very righteous as a Gryffindor and would never think to cheat. Which meant that he was up for grabs and would not betray him in a marriage. However, the same could be said about Louis. 

He was the very first person that treated him like an equal with no hesitation or doubt, as suspicious as that was. There was no bad blood between them and they had the same beliefs, thoughts, and interest. Being a friend with Louis was treasure enough. But possibly being in a marriage with Louis? There were no disadvantages with a marriage with him. He came from an old, respected line of purebloods in France and while he did not have the wealth of the Malfoys or Princes, his social standing did match him. Louis was probably the best candidate since Severus knew that in the end, Severus could possibly fall in love with him in the marriage. Maybe not now, but perhaps later.  

His emotions and thoughts with Potter were okay at best. But they were too complex both in characteristics and history. For any delusions that either of them had made about any sort of affection could not run farther than in friendship, Severus reasoned. Sure, Potter can create some sort of lust and desire from him, but that could have easily stemmed from their previous hatred and Potter’s guilt. A marriage with Potter? There was no telling how it would end, because of now, it looked like a failed of a marriage. Severus might beginning to feel something towards James, something other than lust, but was it any kin to possibly love? Severus didn’t think so. 

But James did. Severus was still not sure of his true affections towards himself. Did James love him or was it something else and he had merely confused it for love? Their relationship was too unstable at the moment to think of marrying Potter. 

A feeling of guilt and a harsh tug at his heart had washed over him, but Severus pushed it away. In the end, this marriage wasn’t about love. It was about power and politics, but he still needed to look at the pros and cons of each other them. Seemingly, Louis was winning in the end, but there was still the thing with Pandora. 

He remembers what she said. That he needed to give him time to settle and accept the fact that Severus might not ever love him and that he needed to get over it for himself so that he could move on. This was simply not the right time to ask Louis. It would be cruel to ask him and Severus couldn’t possibly. But there was no else. Who was he to marry? Black? Severus shuddered at the thought. 

If the whole matter would simply end with him losing land and wealth, then nothing would matter, but he could not allow anyone to obtain so much power, especially if they were the Malfoys. Of course, marriage wasn't’t the only option. As far as Severus knew, no one else knows about the situation, which means that Severus has control of  who can find out. He could pick someone and have them challenge him for it. He could purposely have them win. So while he might no get it neither would the Malfoys or the Blacks. It would at least be someone who Severus knows would not abuse the power they had over him, but the fact remained that they still had power over him. That was not a risk that Severus wished to have. But it was either that or get married. 

Severus paid for his things and walked out of the potion shop and continued down. There were several ingredients in the shop that Severus could easily handpick himself from the Forbidden Forest, which he did, including a Unicorn Horn that cost twenty-one galleons each, when Severus could collect several from the pack of unicorns in the Forest when the mating season is over and the bone at the base of their horn begins to dissolve. It will eventually become loose and fall off, which is how people collect them or they steal them from the Unicorns before the time that they fall off naturally. Of course, Severus didn’t buy suc ingredients, but he bought other that are not so easily found. 

His next stop was Flourish & Blotts that was down the street. Severus doubted that they would have any books that could possibly concern the second task, which Severus noted to inform Louis about when he returned. In the end, after a long and thorough search, Severus had failed to find anything and had left soon after. 

There were several other shops that were filled with magical and wondrous things, but none that Severus needed or particularly cared for. He could have gone back to Hogwarts then, but he didn’t want to return just yet. And so, Severus remained, walking around, taking his time and enjoying the rare moments of peace. However, it was not long before Severus had to go back and make his way to the nearest public floo to return to Hogsmeade and the slow, long track back to Hogwarts. 

It was an hour before Severus felt himself enjoying the warmth of the castle and quickly made his way to his rooms to change and put away all of his things. After he was done, Severus put on a thick wool sweater that he had gotten for his birthday. It was a dark plum color sweater that was hand-made by Lily’s grandmother. It was very warm and thick, fighting away the dungeons’s chill.

When he deemed himself ready, Severus was making his way towards the Great Hall for dinner and preparing for the countless of question about his disappearance from Lily. He didn’t plan to tell her the truth since Lily was quite smart and would be able to figure things out no matter how little information he gave her. He wasn’t ready for the grand reveal yet even if Lily could possibly help him make a decision. Severus had a copy of the will and wanted to do some research about the situation to see if there was a possible loophole. He doubted it since this has been going on for thousands of years and surely someone would have found a loophole during that time, but it would hurt to look at least a bit before damming himself. 

As expected, the first words to leave Lily’s mouth was to question where he’s been and what he was doing. Severus held back an eye roll since he expected this to happen and swifty told her that he was in his room sleeping and reading up the books that his mother had given him. Lily eyed him with distrust since she could pick up his lies compared to others, but didn’t question him further. They both knew that he would come to her eventually, and so she let him have his secrets. For now. 

It was only then that Severus had noticed that Potter wasn’t there. Lily told him that he got injured from the rather aggressive snowball fight that they had.  In an attempt to win, Potter had enchanted the snow to make a snow beast to attack his enemies, but it had ended up attacking him instead. It was the funniest thing, Lily told him. 

Apparently, he had ran away, screaming as he was not only being chased by the beast, but by them as well. However, James had ran across the frozen lake and had fallen into the freezing water when the beast stepped onto the ice and broke it with its weight. It too had sunkin below the waters and fell apart, ending the chase. However, he had gotten a terrible cold and was at the moment being nourished and scolded by Madam Pomfrey for his insolence. Severus listen with half his attention as he searched for Louis again that night. He did not see him, but he did see Pandora as she laughed at something the person next to her said.

It took only a few minutes for her to notice that he was trying to get his attention. He had raised an eyebrow in question and she gave him a small smile and shrugged her shoulders. She rolled her eyes and did some hand movements to tell him he was sleeping. Or in his room perhaps. He nodded his thanks and she smiled back across the hall. Oh well, there was always tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what do you think Severus will pick because I have no idea. Anyway, look forward for the next update. Until next time.  
> I would also love to hear your thoughts about who Severus should pick or any ideas that you guys might have.


	27. Tell Me Where Your Love Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how everyone is clearly in love with Louis. However, I will say again that James x Severus is end game. It might not look like it now, but it will come eventually. We are already over 80k of words and we haven't even gone to the second task yet. We are barely making quarter of the story line. I have so much planned, especially at the third task when everything will skyrocket. And so, a lot can happen until then. I know there are a lot of troubles between Severus and James, but I had originally wanted their relationship to grow instead his and Louis's (since he wasn't supposed to be a big character), but it didn't turn out that way because I figured, realistically, they could never create a stable relationship without addressing everything before hand which is why the process is so slow. They keep meeting new obstacles and I figured that James would be more willing and more expressive about it, which he has been by also trying to not demand attention from Severus. And I figured that Severus would be more likely to push it away and hope that it goes away while still being aware of it, which Severus has been doing, for both Louis and James, and it just keeps creating a bigger mess. Things will sort themselves out, perhaps Severus and James will sort them out later since they still need to go through a lot until they can be accepting of their differences and each other as I think is the correct way to approach their growing relationship. However, by later, I mean, like, maybe, in the next 40k words later. This story is definitely going to be long, but hopefully I will try to finish it in the next two months. So here is the next chapter, sorry for my rambling.

Chapter 27

Severus had woken up early in the morning and made his way to the Great Hall. He half expected to find Lily or even Remus at the table since they were the usual early risers of the group, but Severus was quite pleased and very surprised to find Louis nursing a cup of tea at the Gryffindor table and talking to a disheveled Potter. 

Both of them looked to be exhausted as they talked in hushed whispers. Severus’s couldn’t make out what they were saying, but based of the annoyed displeasure on both of their faces, it wasn’t pleasant. 

As Severus neared, he could barely make out the end of the conversation.

“.... is planning something. I don’t know what, but if the conversation in the corridor means anything than we need to be ready,” whispered Louis, but cut off the rest of his thought when he noticed that Severus there. 

He looked a little sick now that Severus could see him better. His skin was a bit duller, as were his eyes that were wide and filled with shock. Louis wasn’t planning on seeing him this early or at all, Severus supposed. 

In the brief moment that they stared at each other, Severus noticed that he lost a lot of weight, probably from missing so many meals. His eyes, while they had widen in shock, there was a glimmer of light in them, but it had soon died away again. His mouth was agape and his lips were chapped and almost purple in color. There were bags under his eyes as well. At this point, Louis had seemingly lost his splendor. A frown made its way to Severus’s face.

Had that been because of him? Pandora had suggested as such .

A deep guilt filled Severus. He knew of Louis’s affections and had plenty of time to address them, but he didn't. And now, he was obviously pained by what happened at the Yule Ball. He hadn’t realized how much it would hurt him. And for whatever reason, he talking to the very person that aided in his misfortune, who had been to drunk to even know what had happened. But when Louis caught sight of him, Severus could practically see his face crumble. 

Severus was no poet, but Louis was a very bright and happy individual that practically shine radiance. He was sun, but almost everything shined brighter than him now. 

Clearing his throat, Louis offered him a pained smile, very awkward in shape.

“How have you been old chap?”

Severus could see James in the background, sipping his tea and watching the interaction between them with distrustful eyes. He looked very sick with an almost white complexion and red nose and eyes. It was a miracle that Madam Pomfrey had let him out at all since he still looked terrible. But that was probably because Potter had sneaked out instead being given permission to leave. 

Focusing his attention back to Louis, Severus felt a lump in his throat, but he hid it well with a blank face that barely showed his concern for Louis. 

“I think you should be asking yourself that question. You look like shit.”

For a minute, Severus couldn’t believe that just came out of his mouth since it had just happened naturally. But Potter choking in the background assured him that it did. 

However, before anything else could happen, Louis’s eyes crinkled at the corner and a soft laugh escaped him. His eyes were filled with bit of mischief and affection. 

“Thank you, glad I can alway count on you for your honesty, Severus.”

Meaning to or not, Severus felt that comment was like a double edge sword. But before Louis could possibly flee or if either one of them loses their wits, Severus captured his attention. 

“Louis, could we possibly discuss some things.” Looking at James who was about to speak, Severus continued with narrowed eyes.  “Alone.”

Louis looked at him with a curious expression, watching him with his blue eyes. After a brief pause, Louis nodded and gave him a soft smile. However, before they left, Louis had grabbed two muffins and offered the banana nut one. 

Nodding his head in thanks, they both walked out of the Great Hall and made their way to the courtyard. The walk was silent, if a little awkward, but it had also felt nice to be in the presence with other once again. Severus only hoped that Louis felt the same.

When they arrived, there was not a single person there. By now, it was later in the day and a lot more people were getting ready or making their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Leading Louis to a stone ledge, they both sat down and enjoyed the cold the winter offered. While Louis had always flourished in the sun, he was a lover the cold as did Severus. They watched the wind blow into the trees and the few birds that flew overhead. It was truly comforting here. 

When the sun was high in the sky, Severus began to speak.

“Louis, before I get into anything else, I would like to apologize how I have been treating you. You are not very subtle and you’re very flirtatious so I had ignored your possible…. _ attraction _ towards me as you being... _ you.  _  However, when you had helped me, I began to take great pleasure in our times together and see you as a very trusting and caring individual. It was also then, had I realized that you had liked me more than I thought. And instead of approaching you to talk and discuss your feelings, I had taken advantage of them since I had liked the attention and had hurt you in the end. I cannot make up for the pain or the mistakes I might have caused, but it is vital that you know that I am sorry. I never meant for this to come so far or to be so damaging. I wish, that we can go back to the way things were, but if you request that I not be near you for the time being, then I will comply. I only wish to go over this first because out of all things that I wish to speak to you about, this is the most important.”

Louis was silent throughout his speech, thinking carefully about the words that Severus had said. Neither one looked at the other or address each other during this time as they both kept to themselves, but Louis broke the silence.

“ I forgive you. I have always known that you might not have returned my feelings, but I had hoped that you would in the end. I care very deeply for you, Severus. I wish to remain friends. I had talked with Pandora and spent days thinking about our relationship. I don’t think I will ever get over you. Our time might has been short, but I have seen things about you that no has ever bothered to look for. I found a courageous, an intelligent, and caring man.  If friendship is the only thing that you can offer me, then I will gladly accept it.”

They were silent again, but it was not awkward. They knew that neither one had to continue this conversation. What was said was said and it had finally cleared the air. Severus still wished to talk to him about the second task, but he did not dare ruin this moment that they had created. There was always dinner time. However, that had also laid the question as to what he and Potter were talking about when he had entered the Great Hall. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys. It sure has been quite a while since I last updated. I have not given up this story, if anything I have been working on it all this time. I had finally taken time to write an outline for the rest of the fic. I spent my time rereading the books and rewriting the chapters to fix and draw ideas to how I wanted to end it. I have several chapters already written that wont be releases until later in the story. So yeah. Here's anothrr chapter to close up some stuff and to finally move on to the second task. I have rewritten s dew chapters. Nothing extensive for you to re-read it so dont worry. If the format is bad its because I wrote the chapter on my phone while I was out eating food with my family. Ill fix it later. So yeah enjoy. Comments and kudos are greatly loved by me. I always look forward to them

Chapter 28

It had been two weeks since Severus had visited Gringotts. As soon as classes had finished the next day, Severus raced to the library to looked at every book in the library about marriage and legally binding documents and wills. All of them had enforced the same thing meaning that there were no loopholes or a way to get out of it. All magical binding laws follow different rules compared to muggle laws. They cannot be created by mere words nor be left for interpretation. They were created by following the Laws of Magic which can never be altered or changed. It is as it is. This was why there are no divorces and why the Unbreakable Vows is forbidden. It is magical binding. Should you break the vow, the magic will kill you as a consequence.

There was a whole level dedicated to the theory of magical bonds through marriages, wills, and even the binding that Severus had found himself in since he entered as champion for the Triwizard Tournament.  They are created by combining magic. To fight against it is not possible: for every action there is reaction. To fight it can lead to destructive outcomes which is why the Ministry enforces the laws to prevent those outcomes.  He was stuck in this situation. He cannot alter the will as it was created by the will and magic of the previous Head of the Prince Family and should he marry, he will stay married for all reasons and purposes that is stated in the marriage contract. These contracts are usually modified to fix and allow flexibilities of the marriage for both parties to prevent death. But with no Head of House to make these alterations; there was nothing can be done. 

Once both parties accept the terms of the contract, they must follow it, creating a magical binding contract. Severus had signed the documents of the will and was now magically bind to fill out the request of the will. Should he decided to not get marriage, he will eventually die or lose all his magic since he signed for him to not only inherit the wealth but the title Lordship given if he is able to. Severus is technically able to when he gets married. Should he not, then he breaks the binding of the contract and he will die. According to the time frame, he has four years to marry before someone can challenge him. 

Despite the will stating that he has until he is much older to marry, the day of magical inheritance will be when he is twenty-one. By then, he is responsible to be a proper member of society and will have to take the duties of his family. There usually a gap between coming of age and the magical inheritance to allow the heir time to breathe and get a custom to their duties. It was also the time to let the family arrange a marriage if one wasn't already made. All of this were part of the finer details of the will, something that wasn't directly said but is always understood by pureblood families and didn't need to be written in plain English. 

The more that Severus thinks about these rules of the contract that were seemingly left out by the Goblin, the worse it seemed to inherit anything. He truly only had one option.  

It didn’t help that everyone was talking about it now since several students had seen him reading books about marriage. Within a matter of hours, everyone was wondering who on earth he was planning to marry or, perhaps, who had been daring enough to proposed to him by the time dinner started. It was just a passing rumor that didn’t have any value other than to keep them occupied. Severus let it passed, never confirming or denying anything. Lily didn’t believe the rumors either, but she knew that he wouldn’t be researching about marriage if it wasn’t important.

He had yet to tell her what had happened that fateful day, but he could not gather the courage to tell her. As close as they were, it would still be rather awkward to talk to her about his relationship with Potter and Louis. Severus was sure that she was aware about Potter’s possible feelings for him, but Severus had yet to confirm it. Plus, if he did tell her, she would somehow worm her way to get him to reveal everything. 

He didn’t even tell her about the kiss, for Merlin’s sake! Of course she had wondered what had happen that had caused the shift in his and Louis’s relationship, but she did not press for answers, thankfully. But that did not mean that she was not curious. Severus had been holding off for as long as he possibly could, but he would eventually have to talk to her about it. 

He had to tell someone. He could not bare to hold this weight on his own. It was always so easy to talk to Lily. She would ask questions that he would not know the answers to, but she accepted it and often help him lead to a possible answer. It was probably for the best, but Severus still needed to wrap his idea on several matters before the conversation takes place. 

Luckily, the rumor died down soon enough with the month reaching its end. The second task was near and everyone wanted to know what it was going to be about, but all of the champions had been tight lipped about the clue and nobody could figure out what the task would be. There were several guesses, many of which were quite stupid in his opinion. None of them were even close to what it actually was, but that was probably for the better. 

It was barely going to be February in a little over a week and even then they still had to wait until the end of the month for the task to start. It didn’t help that Severus had yet to tell Louis of the task. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but there always just seem to never be enough time. While they might have made up from their conversation, they rarely saw each other outside a classroom setting. And from the pain looks that Lupin has been giving out is telling enough that the full moon is near. None of them dared to ask, but Severus had already began to brew the wolfsbane potion for him. Severus wasn’t able to work on finding a cure for it, but he was very capable of making this one potion for Lupin. 

It was surely a complex potion that it even had Severus on edge, but he was sure in his abilities to properly brew it. In all actually, this would be the first time that Severus would be able to brew the potion for him. He had thought about it of course, but he was always in the hospital wing during the week of transformation that he was never given the chance to make it let alone give it to Lupin. Severus had to give to him the potion everyday for the week leading to the full moon otherwise it would all be useless. The ingredients to make the potion were also quite expensive, but with his mother’s money and his inheritance, money was no longer a problem for him. It was always because he didn’t have enough time. 

When he had presented the potion to Lupin for the first day of the week, he looked at Severus with such awe and surprise that it made Severus sick. 

Unable to control himself, Lupin nearly cried tears when he had hugged Severus in a deadly grip. Severus pushed him off with all the strength he could muster (despite Lupin looking scrawny and weak like Severus, he was as strong as wolf), and took several deep breaths since Lupin had cut off his air supply. He waved off Lupin’s words of gratitude and watched as Lupin uncorked the potion without hesitation and downed it all in one go. He made a face filled with disgust since the potion had such a foul taste. Both Black and Potter looked at him with surprise. 

They all knew that Severus was aware of Lupin’s condition, but it never failed to surprise them when they remembered that little fact. With a few more minutes of breakfast left, they all gathered their things and made their way to class. 

Severus watched as Black and Potter shared a look with one another. With a nod, Severus and Black watched as Potter dragged Lupin towards class, leaving them alone with each other. 

“Look, Snape. I know that I apologized to you with that declaration a while back, but after talking a bit more with guys, I realized that you aren’t as nasty as I thought you were. I still think you are jerk and I wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you. But this whole time, I couldn’t see why Lily would ever want to hang out with you. As a Slytherin, I thought you were just as no good as the rest of them. My hate for my family had led me to take it out on you and I am sorry for my childish ways. I know now that while you like to play with Dark Magic, you’re not a terrible person. What I did to you last year was unforgivable. I don’t expect you to forgive me for that nor I will ask you to.

Even now, you continue to surprise me. When James started to hang out with you, I got so mad because I just couldn’t figure out what he saw in you that I didn’t. He hated you just as much as I did, but I reckon it was because that you guys are soul-... the point is, that thing with Remus, giving him that potion, you didn’t have to do that, yet you did. So thanks”

“As sentimental as that was,” began Severus. “I thought we got past this.”

“We did, but in all honesty, I felt that declaration was more of a show than a meaningful apology. Not that I didn’t mean it! But I felt that this was more...true.” 

Severus nodded in understanding and made his way inside, passing Potter and Lupin who were waiting for them by the door. When they entered, there were some of the few early students that had already entered. Lily was already there of course and she waved happily to Severus as soon as she saw him. They sat down and Lily went off a tangent about the letter she had gotten from her sister. It was pleasantly normal and Severus made a few comments that made Lily laugh in glee and had hit him on his shoulder when he was being a little mean towards Tuney. But the smile on her face proved that Lily knew that he was joking. 

The rest of the day was spent the same. They dealt with classes and school work. They ate their meals and spent their time in the library to work on homework and prep for the second task. 

Lily and Lupin both tried their best to help Potter and Black with their work, but they seemed to be indulging in their plans for another prank to care about anything else. It was a useless attempt and Severus didn’t even bother. He had finished his coursework before anyone else. He mostly spent his time reading or looking out the window while the rest talked amongst themselves or finished their work. 

Before they knew it, the library was closing and they were gathering their stuff to leave. Black, Potter, and Lupin were planning to go to Gryffindor Tower to play a game of Chess, but Lily told them that they would join them later. Severus didn’t recall making such plans, but he didn’t say anything and simply followed Lily to the courtyard. It was still snowing and the air was quiet cold. Their robes were thick and warm, but Lily still placed a heating charm to fight off any lingering chill. 

They sat underneath the moonlight and spent their time gazing at the stars and enjoying the breeze and peace. 

They usually didn’t take nightly strolls since they much prefered the comforts of the shade beneath the tree by the lake during the day, but there were the rare times when one of them needed to clear their head a bit and would find themselves here in the courtyard before bed time. 

It was nice to be here, but Severus didn’t think that they were here for Lily since she was the one who had lead them there. No, Severus knew they were there for him. 

The silence was to allow a moment of peace, but it was also an offering to allow him to make the decision if he wanted to talk to her about anything that was bothering him. He knew it was for the best, but he wanted to keep his secrets to himself. However, he needed some sort of advice and there was no one better than Lily that he could ask, seeing that the only other people were part of the situation in the first place. 

“Lily,” he began. His voice was light and quite unsure, but he continued despite it. “I went to Gringttons a couple weeks ago to finish some paperwork left my mother and her family, and I found some rather interesting news.”

Lily listen attentively as she kicked her feet back and forth, watching the snow rise and fall with every move. She didn’t dare interrupt. 

“And well, I found out that since I am the last one of my mother’s line, I am the only one that can inherit the title and fortune of Prince. My grandparents, while I never met them, left me a lot of money and land. However, there is a catch. To keep the fortune, I need to also inherit the title of Prince which would usually just be given to me immediately if I were a pureblood, as are the rules of the Prince family. However, since I am a half-blood, I must marry a pureblood of the same social standing so that they can hold the title in my stead. The will says I have until my thirties to marry, but by the laws of magic and by magical inheritance, I only have until my twenty-first birthday to be married otherwise I break the binding of the contract and will either lose all my powers or, more likely, I will die. 

“If that wasn't the worst part, should I choose, for whatever reason, to renounce my name and title as Prince, all the powers and fortune will go to the next available kin: the Malfoys. As of right now, I am a temporary heir and head of the Prince family until the day I married. As such, anyone with the blood of Prince is allowed to challenge me for the title of Prince. Should I lose, which I doubt I will, they will become the head and I must follow their every wish and command. There are no limits to how many times they can duel me. However, despite my confidence, there are no spells forbidden in an arranged match. Only the killing curse is not permitted, but anything else is free game.  

“According to the Goblin, the bank will never tell any of the possible candidates this unless they are legally allowed to do so, by through other contracts and wills or notes kept in families about such things. As of now, only I and now you are aware of this predicament.”

The speech was long and a far better summary of what the goblin had provided. Of course, there might be something that he missed since this was never something he’s done before. The best action was to talk to a pureblood. The best choice would be Narcissa. Of course she would tell him more things clearly but ever since he had become champion, they had to stay away from each other for their protection. A letter would do, but Severus could not risk such a thing. The next choice would be Black and despite their understanding, it wasnt something that he wanted him to know. He would much rather keep it all under wraps for the time being.  

Of course, he couldn't tell Potter or Louis despite them being the best candidates to help him with this predicament, but he was sure that they would jump at the chance. While Louis was no Gryffindor by name, he was all by nature. They would not allow such a thing to happen to him, rushing in head first instead of thinking it through. He couldn't allow such a thing to be made under such short notice not too quickly. Besides, by the goblin’s word, he should have time to make a thought out decision and plan. 

Either way, advice from Lily would greatly be appreciated even if all she offers is comfort and an ear. 

Throughout Severus’s briefing, Lily had remained silent and continued to play with snow. She was biting her lip and fiddling with her fingers. Of course she was thinking about his predicament. After what felt like hours, she finally spoke. 

“Well, it seems that you found yourself in quite a pickle. I don't know what to say. I would marry you if I could and I'm sure Louis would jump at the chance, but right now I'm not so sure.” 

She of course was referencing about what had happened even if she didn't know what had transpired. “Even Potter would do it for honor alone. I'm sure his parents would be exasperated for the reason of a union, but will accept you all the same. Those are the two you would ask if it came down to it, aren't they?”

Severus was silent since he knew that Lily was right. There wasn't anyone that fit that he could ask. 

“What do you feel for them, Severus? Despite the consequences of the will, getting married is still a big deal. You can't just marry anyone for the wrong reasons. I know you know it's for life, but I guess that's why you are telling me, isn't it? You're unsure of who to choose. Well, I can't tell you who to marry. It is your marriage and your life. The only one who can pick is you. I'm sure that both would honor you and cherish the marriage, but will you be happy with just anyone? Are you sure you can live with this one decision for the rest of your life, with no regrets?”

Lily was watching him but he did not reply. He was sure he could live and possibly love Louis in the end, but he didn't love him now. He was fond of him, but Louis wanted love and Severus was not sure he could provide it the end. Potter was a mess all on his own. Adding Severus to the mix would just be a disaster. He didn't know if he could grow to love him either.

At least by Lily not saying anything against a marriage with Potter was proof enough that they weren't together and she had somewhat given her blessing, but as secretive as Severus was, Potter had never said he loved him. That kiss, a drunken action with no conviction or true meaning could not be a source alone. Perhaps Potter didn't love him either. Maybe he was just guilty and only wish to restore what he had destroyed. Could he even pick Potter? At least Louis did not hide his emotions and told him directly how he felt, but something in Severus had always seemed to fall back to Potter. There was always something drawing them together. Whether it was because of Lily or not, when they were in the same room there was always a shift in the air. 

When they battles each other in the halls the air would become tight and their magic, while they clashes in anger, would mold into each other to stop them from every parting. It was an attraction, dark as it was or magic based it might be. 

Of course, a lot had transpired between both parties. Several important things were unknown to Lily. And so he told her. He told her of the kiss and how Louis had found out and how that had caused them to drift apart for a short while. He told her what he told Louis and how he replied back to it. He told her all of his emotions. How he wasn't sure of what he felt for both of them. They spent the whole night talking, eventually laying on the snow in the dark. It was way past hours before they found themselves in the Tower. Severus still did not have an answer which Lily told him was fine. He still had time, she reminded him. She told him too that while he could be happy with Louis, he was right in saying that he could not guarantee his love in return. She didn't speak much of Potter, not that Severus didn't think that she knew he would be a good match as well, but she never denied, clarified, or agree to any of the emotions Potter might feel for him. She said that he should be the one to tell him himself, but that would mean telling him about the marriage contract and that wasn't something he wanted to do either. But like she said, he didn't need to know this very second. If anything, he should worry about the second task otherwise he might not be alive to have a wedding yet. 

  
  
  



	29. NOTICE

Hello everyone, 

This is not exactly an update that you were probably expecting. This is just a notice to let you guys know that I do plan to continue this story. I am always thinking about it and I have spent countless hours rereading this story to get ideas for the future chapters. However, I found several mistakes that I cannot allow to stay and it prevents me from continuing. Besides my brainstorming buddy, I have no beta (if anyone wishes to offer, I would love you, a lot) and it is up to me to catch my mistakes (which is hard). Through it, I found major plot holes and had come to realize that my style of writing has also changed.  For the next few days, this story will be going under major reconstruction. The storyline will be the same, but I will be rewriting the story so that it can flow better and become something that I can be happy with. While this may be a fanfic, I still want it to be written well and through this, worth your guy's love and attention. As I said, the story will be the same. There won't be any major differences other than rewritten sentences and most likely extra scenes and dialogue. I know this is a long fic and I won't ask you guys to reread it if you don't want to because you won't have to. If you like to, then go ahead! To finalize a chapter update, I will place a star (★) at the beginning of every chapter to let you guys know what has been edited. 

Additionally, I am constantly amazed at all of your comments and kudos and it makes me feel so happy. I am always looking forward to them and I hope that it can become a story worth them. 

As always, thank you, guys!


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